150+ Funny Horse Jokes, Puns & One-Liners for Kids and Adults

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Hilarious horse jokes to tell your friends and neigh-bors

Co-authored by Kendall Payne and Bailey Cho

Last Updated: March 10, 2025 Fact Checked

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Funny Horse Jokes

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“A Horse Walks Into a Bar...”

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For Kids

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Puns & One-Liners

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Racing Jokes

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Knock-Knock Jokes

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Tips

Looking for a hay-sterical joke to stirrup some laughs? We’ve got you covered! In this article, we’re providing the ultimate list of horse jokes, puns, and one-liners to make everyone gallop with laughter. Whether you’re a casual horse lover, a serious equestrian, or just someone who appreciates a solid dad joke, grab your reins and get ready for a wild (and witty) ride!

Top-Tier Horse Jokes to Make You Whinny

What’s a horse’s favorite wine? Chardon-hay.
What did the horse ask his teacher? Equestrian.
Where do horses shop for clothes? At Old Neigh-vy.
What did the mare say to her foal? “Hey, it’s pasture bedtime!”
What do you call a horse who lives next door to you? Your neigh-bor.
Why don’t racehorses ever get lost? Because they always stay on track!
A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.

Section 1 of 6:

Funny Horse Jokes

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Saddle up for laughter with these “hay-larious” horse jokes. Horses are patient, intelligent, and naturally funny animals, making them the perfect punchline for a variety of jokes. Here are some “mane-tastic” jokes to have you on all fours:^{[1]
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- What’s a horse’s favorite wine? Chardon-hay.
- What’s a horse’s favorite sport? Stable tennis.
- What do you give a sick horse? A cough stirrup.
- What did the horse ask his teacher? Equestrian.
- What do you call a well-balanced horse? Stable.
- Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside.
- Where do knights park their horses? In a LanceLot.
- What do you call a one-eyed horse? Cyclippity-clops.
- What kind of bread does a horse eat? Thoroughbred.
- How do you spell “Hungry Horse” in 4 letters? MTGG.
- What sort of horses come out after dark? Night-mares.
- Where do horses get their hair done? At the hair saloon.
- Which type of cheese do horses like best? Masc-a-pony.
- What do you call an insincere small horse? A phony pony.
- What’s a horse’s favorite TV show? Neighbours of course.
- What do you call a horse that only eats hay? A hay-bivore.
- Where does a person end and a horse start? At the centaur.
- What do you call a horse who’s your best friend? Pal-amino.
- What do horses see right before it thunders? Lightning colts.
- How do horses send letters to each other? With a stampede.
- What did the mare say to her foal? “Hey, it’s pasture bedtime!”
- What do you call a messy stable full of hay? A hay-wire situation.
- What do they serve before dinner in the stable? Horse d'oeuvres.
- What do you call a horse who lives in Baltimore? A Mare-y-lander.
- What do you call a horse who’s not wearing a saddle? Neigh-ked!
- How do you get a jockey to wait a moment? Tell him to hold his horses.
- What’s the hardest thing about learning to horseback ride? The ground.
- Where do newlywed horses stay after their wedding? In the bridle suite.
- Why did the horse run away in the middle of its wedding? It got colt feet.
- Which route do crazy horses take through the woods? The psycho-path.
- Who isn’t an upside-down horseshoe good luck for? The horse who lost it.
- Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.
- What NFL football matchup is always a win-win for horses? Colts vs. Broncos.
- What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic.
- Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it.
- How is a horse spontaneous? It always does things in the spur of the moment.
- How do horses from Texas greet horses from Ohio? With Southern Horspitality.
- Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!
- Why did the horse get offended by his therapist? He asked, “Why the long face?”
- What did the horse say to the stubborn mule? “Stop being such a pain in the grass!”
- How did the cowboy know which horse was everyone’s favorite? He took a gallop poll.
- What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? One reigns up and one rains down.
- What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
- How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the farm? Pay him under the stable.
- Why was the horse told to rein in her gossiping? Her friends didn’t want her to stirrup trouble!
- How do you know when a horse has a negative attitude? He says “neigh” to everything.
- What did the doctor say when the horse said his throat was sore? “You’ll be okay. You’re just a little horse.”
- Why was the horse unpopular with the herd? It was known to be a grass, always spilling the oats to the farmer.
- Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with 7 plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
- You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe right next to you, and a lion nipping at your heels. What do you do? Get off the carousel and sober up.

Section 2 of 6:

“A Horse Walks Into a Bar” Jokes

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Drop a classic “A horse walks into a bar…” joke to bring the barn down. The usual response to this classic joke is “The barman asks, “Why the long face?” But, there are so many creative answers to make your friends gallop with laughter! Here are some of the best replies to crack everyone up:
- A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks, “Why the long face?”
- A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Want a beer?” The horse replies, “Neigh, I’m the designated rider.”
- A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey!” The horse says, “You keep saying that, but I still don’t see any hay.”
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve horses.” The horse says, “Good, I prefer self-service anyway.”
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve horses here.” The horse replies, “That’s fine, I’m just here for the stable atmosphere.”
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You need to leave.” The horse says, “Why?” The bartender says, “Because you’re the mane problem around here!”
- A horse walks into a bar and says, “Hi, do you have any job?” The barman says, “Not for a talking horse, try the circus” to which the horse replies, “Why would they need a barman?”
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You should leave, you’re making the customers nervous.” The horse says, “That’s not my fault… they just need to rein in their emotions.”
- A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “We don’t have any special drinks for horses here.” The horse replies, “That’s fine, I’ll just have a mane-hattan.”
- A dad horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey buddy, you’re a horse! What do you think you’re doing?” The horse shrugs and says, “Just trying to get some good old-fashioned mane time.”

Section 3 of 6:

Horse Jokes for Kids

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Share a “hoof-tastic” horse joke to make kids laugh out loud. Telling jokes is a great way to bond with children and bring a smile to their faces. If you know a child who is obsessed with horses, you’ll be a “shoe-in” for best joke teller with these lines:^{[2]
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- How do horses say hello? “Hay!”
- When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to!
- What street do horses live on? Mane Street.
- What’s a horse’s favorite state? Neigh-braska.
- What’s a pony’s favorite juice? Lemon-neigh’d.
- How much money does a bronco have? A buck.
- Where do horses cook their meals? On the range.
- Where do horses shop for clothes? At Old Neigh-vy.
- What did the pony scout do? A good steed every day.
- What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
- Which state do horses like to go to for vacation? Mane.
- What kind of horse likes to eat baked beans? The pinto.
- Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horse-pital.
- What do young horses wrap their food in? Aluminum foal.
- What has 4 legs and walks backward? A horse in reverse.
- Why did the horse cross the road? Someone shouted hay!
- How do horses cast their votes? By saying “yay” or “neigh.”
- What disease are horses most scared of getting? Hay fever.
- Why did the horse wear glasses? He was a little farm-sighted.
- Why was the horse a bad dancer? Because he had 2 left feet.
- What did the waiter say to the horse? “Can I get you a stable?”
- Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!
- What do you call a horse who’s a world traveler? A globe-trotter.
- What’s a horse’s favorite song? Watch Me (Whip / Neigh Neigh).
- Why do most horses look so fit? Because they’re on a stable diet.
- Why do cowboys ride horses? Because they’re too heavy to carry.
- What’s the fastest way to mail a small horse? Use the Pony Express.
- What do you call a horse who lives next door to you? Your neigh-bor.
- How long should a horse’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground.
- Why did the horse play his music so loud? He liked being a herd animal.
- What type of horse has trouble keeping track of its iPad? An appaloosa.
- Why did the horse talk while his mouth was full? He had bad stable manners.
- Why did the pony get an F on his report? Because he missed the mane point.
- What’s the best way to lead a horse to water? With lots of apples and carrots!
- Why won’t you ever find a horse using an Android phone? They prefer Apples.
- Why did everyone think the horse had a bad attitude? She kept saying, “Neigh.”
- What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse.
- What did the horse say after she fell over? “Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddy-up!”
- Why did the horse stay up all night studying for his test? He wanted to get a hay plus!
- Have you ever heard a horse talk? Probably not, most horses have neigh-thing to say.
- What’s the difference between a Western horse and an Eastern horse? About 2,000 miles.
- Why is Mayo the best name for a horse? Because when he talks, you can say “Mayo neighs!”
- Why did the horse sleep so well last night? Because he had a stable bedtime, free from any night-mares!
- How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw.”
- A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day, he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? His horse’s name was Friday.

Section 4 of 6:

Silly Horse Puns & One-Liners

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Use a “hay-sterical” pun or one-liner to please any horse lover. If there’s an opportunity to incorporate horse-related humor into your daily conversation, take it! The following lines put a “hay-larious” spin on classic phrases and idioms you love. Here are some equine gags to get the giggles going:^{[3]
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- Bonnie and Clydesdale.
- Rein it in with the gossip!
- Can I ask you equestrian? Neigh.
- That’s neigh-thing to worry about!
- I didn’t mean to stirrup any trouble.
- Come on kid…Quit foaling around.
- Stop stalling and answer the question!
- Watch me whip…Watch me neigh, neigh.
- Still complaining? Get off your high horse.
- To be or not to be…That is the equestrian.
- Just got paid? It’s nice to be financially stable.
- Maybe she’s barn with it…Maybe it’s neigh-belline.
- I’m not being stubborn, I’m just rein-forcing my opinion!
- I told my horse a secret…now he’s my mane confidant!
- My horse is in the hospital. But good news…he’s stable!
- My friend is half horse…and always the centaur of attention.
- Let’s skip the opening act. I only care to see the mane event.
- I call my son Seabiscuit because all he does is horse around.
- Just got promoted…and now I’m saddled with so much more responsibility.

Section 5 of 6:

Horse Racing Jokes

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Crack a “show-stirruping” joke about racehorses to win the top prize. Trying to impress a die-hard equestrian? Grab your reins and get ready to gallop through their heart with these racehorse jokes:^{[4]
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- What do you feed a racehorse? Fast food.
- What’s a racehorse’s favorite exercise? The long run.
- What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.
- What do you call a racehorse that tells jokes? A pun-y pony!
- Why did the horse lose the race? He neighed the wrong turn!
- When do vampires like horse racing? When it’s neck and neck.
- What do you call a horse that never loses a race? Un-stallion-able!
- Why don’t racehorses ever get lost? Because they always stay on track!
- What did the horse say before the big race? “I’m pasture all the competition!”
- How do you make a small fortune on horse racing? Start with a large fortune.
- Why did the horse go to Vegas after the big race? Because he was on a winning streak!
- Why do racehorses make terrible secret agents? Because they always leave a track record!
- How slow was the racehorse? He was so slow that they had to pay the jockey overtime.
- What’s the difference between a racehorse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack.
- Do you know why horse stalls at the racetrack are labelled A, B, D, E, and F? Because no one wants to bet on a seahorse.

Section 6 of 6:

Horse Knock-Knock Jokes

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Throw out a creative knock-knock joke for unbridled laughs. Some knock-knock jokes have a reputation for being corny and cliché, but the following lines are “colt-ally” cool and charming. Here are the best knock-knock jokes about your favorite four-legged friend:^{[5]
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- Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hay. Hay who? Hay, let’s go for a ride!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? Trot. Trot who? Trot on over here and let’s play!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? Colt. Colt who? Colt you later, I’m off to the races!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? Mane. Mane who? Mane you’re looking good today!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? Saddle. Saddle who? Saddle up, it’s time for some fun!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hoof. Hoof who? Hoof cares? Let’s get galloping!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? The stallion. The stallion who? The stallion who’s at your service!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? Foal. Foal who? Foal me once, shame on you; foal me twice, shame on me!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? The horse. The horse who? The horse who bolted when you left the stable door open!
- Knock-knock. Who’s there? The horse from next door. The horse from next door who? The horse from next door who is your neigh-bor!

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If you want to send someone a horse GIF or image along with your joke, you can find them on sites like GIPHY.com, Tenor.com, Gifer.com, or Funimada.com.

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To come up with your own creative joke, experiment with horse-related terminology. You could replace a word in a common phrase with “neigh,” “hay,” “mane,” “stable,” “rein,” “gallop,” “colt,” or “pasture,” or use these terms as puns and play on their double meanings.

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