100 Udderly Hilarious Jokes About Farmers & Farming

Farming is one of the oldest professions out there, and while it deserves a ton of respect, it’s also fun to make lighthearted jokes now and then. For this article, we gathered 100 of the best jokes about farmers, farming, and farm animals for kids and adults alike. Keep reading for some udderly hilarious fun!

Funny Jokes About Farmers & Farming

Where do farmers get their medicine? The farm-acist.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What do cow farmers read in the morning? The moos-paper.
Did you hear about the wooden tractor? It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission, and wooden
Being a farmer isn’t for everyone. But hay, it’s in my jeans.

Section 1 of 7:

Hilarious Farmer Jokes

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Make everyone laugh with a corny farmer joke. Whether you’re a farmer, know a farmer, or simply enjoy a good laugh, there are lots of hilarious jokes about farmers and farming to choose from. Here are some of our favorites:
- Where do farmers get their medicine? The farm-acist.
- How did the farmer find the lost cow? He tractor down.
- What kind of headphones do farmers wear? Beets by Dre.
- If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head tomatoes.
- Why did the farmer bury his money in a field? He wanted to make his soil rich.
- What does a farmer talk about when he’s milking a cow? Udder nonsense.
- What did the farmer say to the cow when it wouldn’t go to sleep? It’s pasture bedtime.
- Why do farmers love going to the cinema? So they can watch the trailers.
- What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? You take me for grunted.^{[1]
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- What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows? What a miss-steak.
- What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure.
- Why did the farmer stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it.
- Why did the farmer ride his horse into town? It was too heavy to carry.
- Why did the police arrest the chicken farmer? They suspected fowl play.
- What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
- What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen? There’s more there than meets the sty.^{[2]
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- Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
- What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat? A hootenanny.
- Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession? Every day is a hare-raising experience.
- How did the farmer fix his jeans? With a cabbage patch.

Section 2 of 7:

Farmer Jokes for Kids

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Keep things age-appropriate for kids. Many kids love jokes, but it’s important to keep things simple enough that they can understand them. Make sure they’ll get the punchline by choosing short and easy jokes. If the kids are a bit older, feel free to try something more complex. Here are some examples:
- What did the farmer say when the pig took a bath? Hogwash.
- Who tells the best farmer jokes? Comedi-hens.
- What is a pig farmer’s favorite type of karate move? Pork chops.
- Did you hear about the farmer who got top marks in his math exam? He used a pro-tractor.
- Why did the farmer plough her field with a steamroller? She wanted to grow mashed potatoes.
- Why didn’t the farmer laugh at any jokes? They were too corny.
- What new crop did the farmer plant? Beets me.
- Why are farmers cruel? Because they pull corn by the ears.
- Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”? Because it was always running out of the pen.
- What’s a happy farmer’s favorite candy? A Jolly Rancher.
- What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor? A transformer.
- Where do farmers send their kids to grow? Kinder-garden.
- What did the farmer get when he pampered the cow? Spoiled milk.
- What do cow farmers read in the morning? The moos-paper.
- How does a farmer fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
- What’s a farmer’s favorite social media platform Insta-grain.
- How do farmers prefer to count their cows? With a cow-culator.
- What’s a farmer’s favorite kind of music? Anything with a good beet.

Section 3 of 7:

Farmer Jokes for Adults

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Save more mature farm jokes for adults. While some adult jokes are dirty or otherwise inappropriate, others simply go over kids’ heads because they don’t understand the reference. Keep your audience in mind so you can deliver the jokes that will get the most laughs. Here are some examples:
- What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song? Born in the USDA.
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
- What did the grape say when the farmer stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- How did the farmer stalk the woman? He tractor.
- What did the melon farmer say to disappoint their forbidden lover? Cantaloupe.
- Why did the pot farmer have such ugly fields? He was afraid to use a weed whacker.
- I asked a farmer if it’s easy to milk a cow. He said, “Sure. Any jerk can do it.”
- What’s the best part of farming? Getting down and dirty with the hoes.
- Why did the farmer bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
- What’s a chicken farmer’s favorite book? 50 Shades of Lay.

Section 4 of 7:

Dad Jokes About Farming

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Bring on the eye rolls with a cheesy dad joke. Some dad jokes may be overused, but they’re popular for a reason! Even people who roll their eyes or groan when they hear them can appreciate some good wordplay. Here are some examples:
- Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the lane and then turned into a field.
- What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- Which crop hears best? Corn—it has ears.
- Did you hear about the wooden tractor? It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission, and wooden work!^{[3]
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- What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.^{[4]
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- I could never use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn. Now I have a stable connection.
- I saw a sign at the farm that said “Duck, eggs.” I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.^{[5]
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- A friend of mine just got a job as a director at MacDonald’s farm. He’s been made the CIEIO.
- Why did the cabbage win the race? Because it was ahead.
- What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An eggroll.
- What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks? Fowl weather.
- As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep. We’d tell them to the dog, be he’d herd them all.
- How did the organic vegetable die? Natural causes.^{[6]
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- Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Section 5 of 7:

Farm Animal Jokes

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Make a joke about your favorite farm animal. You’ve probably heard enough about the chicken crossing the road, but there are plenty of other farm animal jokes to choose from. Whether you like chickens, horses, cows, ducks, or any other farm animal, try one of these hilarious jokes:
- How do horses say hello? Hay!
- Have you heard any jokes about sheepdogs? I’ve herd them all.
- Which farm animal always knows the time? The watch dog.^{[7]
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- Why do cows have hoofs? They lactose.^{[8]
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- What martial art do pigs practice? Pork chops.
- Did you hear the cow joke? It’s very amoosing.
- What do you call a cow that has an accident? A mis-steak.
- What do you call a horse that lives next door to a farm? A neigh-bor.
- What’s a sheep’s favorite sport? Baaadminton.
- Why did the chick get sent off during a game of football? It committed a fowl.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
- Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up? At the quack of dawn.
- What’s the quietest animal on a farm? A ssshhheep.

Section 6 of 7:

Farming Puns

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Try out these a-maize-ing farm puns. There are so many aspects of farming, from planting crops to caring for animals, so there are basically an endless amount of puns that revolve around farming. Here are some of our favorites:
- Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend? He was a real boar.
- What kind of horses have scary dreams? Nightmares.
- Which day do potatoes hate? Fry-day.
- What do you call a cow with no calf? Decaffeinated.
- Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? Because he was out standing in his field.
- Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive from wheat to wheat.
- I tried to navigate the farmer’s field, but it was a maize.
- Being a farmer isn’t for everyone. But hay, it’s in my jeans.^{[9]
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- What do you call a magic cow? Moodini.
- The local horse has an amazing mane. Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it’s neighbelline.
- What happens if you run out of manure on a farm? You have to make doo.
- This drought has really killed my spice farm. I don’t have the thyme to harvest.
- What do you call someone who used to be really keen on tractors? An extractor fan.

Section 7 of 7:

Short Farm Jokes

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Keep things snappy with a short farming joke. Farmers are busy people, so they don’t always have time to listen to long jokes. Instead, keep things short and sweet to lighten the mood and make everyone laugh. Here are some examples:
- Where do sick horses go? The horsepital.
- Why do cows enjoy hearing jokes? Because they love being amoosed.
- What do you say to a cow if it’s in your way? Mooooove.
- Why was the cucumber mad? Because it was in a pickle.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to.
- What do farmers use to make crop circles? A protractor.
- What do you call a cow with full armor? Sir Loin.^{[10]
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- What do you call a small pork farm? A hamlet.
- How do farmers party? They turnip.
- What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? “Where’s popcorn?”