73 Walk Into a Bar Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

You’ve heard the joke setup a million times. Whether it’s a man, a horse, a dog, or anything else walking into a bar, you know there’s about to be a funny punchline. There are so many versions of the “walk into a bar” joke, and we’ve rounded up all the best! We’ll cover one-liners to long jokes, and everything in between, even the original joke that started it all. If you’re looking for jokes to tell or just need a good laugh right now, keep reading.

Funniest Walk Into a Bar Jokes

3 guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducked.
A ghost walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.”
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
A snake walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “I can’t serve you, you can’t hold your liquor!”
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.

Section 1 of 10:

Guy Walks Into a Bar Jokes

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Use this classic joke setup for your basic bar jokes. Someone has to walk into the bar to get the joke started, right? You can use “man,” “girl,” or any other person in place of “guy,” and all these jokes will still be laugh-out-loud hilarious.
- A guy walks into a bar and asks, “Do you have any helicopter-flavored chips?” The bartender says, “No, only plain.”
- 3 guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducked.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- A guy with amnesia walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”
- A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt and says, “One drink please, and one for the road.”
- A guy walks into a bar and asks for fruit punch. The bartender says, “Okay, just wait in line.” The guy looks over confused because there’s no punchline.
- A guy runs into a bar and demands 10 shots of liquor. The bartender pours the drinks, and the guy pounds them down. “Why are you drinking so fast?” the bartender asks. The guy finishes his last shot and says, “I only have 75 cents,” and runs out the door.
- A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later, a monkey walks into the bar. It orders a red wine, drinks it, and leaves. The man says, “That was odd.” The bartender says, “I know…he usually orders white wine.”

Section 2 of 10:

Walk Into a Bar Jokes One-Liners

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Memorize a few one-liners for a quick laugh. One-liners are easy to remember because they’re just so short! Keep a few of these bar jokes in your back pocket so you can tell them the next time you’re with friends or want someone to crack a smile.
- A ghost walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.”
- A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
- A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
- Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Coincidence? I think not.
- A weiner dog walks into a bar, and says, “Pour me a long one!”
- Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
- A limbo champion walks into a bar. They’re immediately disqualified.
- A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”
- The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
- A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, “Is this stool taken?”
- A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
- A $5 bill walks into a bar, but the bartender says, “Get lost! It’s singles night!”

Section 3 of 10:

Animals Walk Into a Bar Jokes

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Get a wild laugh with these animal-themed punchlines. You normally wouldn’t see many animals at a bar, but they’re all welcome in for a drink in these jokes.
- A fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Shouldn’t you be in school?”
- A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”
- An eel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Back for more, ay?”
- A snake walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “I can’t serve you, you can’t hold your liquor!”
- A bear walks into a bar. It says, “I’ll have a beer and……some food.” The bartender replies, “Why the big pause?”
- A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “That’ll be $5.” The duck says, “Just put it on my bill.”
- A baby goat walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve kids here.”
- An amoeba walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Don’t split until you’ve paid your tab.”
- A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Looks like you need a tall drink.”
- A pony walks into a bar. The pony says, “Can I please get COUGH COUGH a drink?” The bartender asks, “Is everything okay?” The pony replies, “Yeah, I’m just a little hoarse.”
- A cat walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The cat says, “A shot of whiskey please.” The bartender pours the drink and gives it to the cat. The cat slowly pushes the drink onto the floor. Immediately, the cat shouts, “ANOTHER!!”

Section 4 of 10:

Math and Science Walk Into a Bar Jokes

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Want to get a little nerdy while showing off your sense of humor? These funny bar jokes are full of math and science puns that will get a laugh and make you sound smart at the same time!
- A piece of gold walks into the bar. The bartender says, “AU, get out of here!”
- A neutron walks into a bar. “How much is a drink?” it asks. The bartender says, “For you? No charge!”
- Neon walks into a bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases here.” Neon doesn’t react.
- A Roman walks into a bar and sits down. They hold up 2 fingers and say, “I’ll have 5 drinks please!”
- f(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”
- A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and says, “Have you seen my electron? I think I lost it here.” The bartender says, “Are you sure?” The atom says, “Yes, I’m positive.”
- Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have H2O, too.” The second scientist takes a sip and immediately gets sick.
- A German walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?” The German replies, “Nein, just one please.”

Section 5 of 10:

Walk Into a Bar Anti-Jokes

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Anti-jokes don’t have traditional punchlines. Anti-jokes start with similar setups to regular jokes, but the ending is something you wouldn’t expect to be funny. You’re bound to make your friends chuckle with one of these straightforward jokes.^{[1]
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- A man walks into a bar. He suffered from a mild concussion.
- A dog walks into a bar. Animal control was promptly called and safely got the dog out.
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?” The horse replies, “My wife just left me.”
- A man walks into a bar, passes it, and becomes a lawyer.
- A man walks into a bar. He was not prepared for the limbo competition.

Section 6 of 10:

Short Walk Into a Bar Jokes

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Keep your joke short and sweet to make others smile. Short and punny bar jokes are perfect when you want to brighten someone’s day and give them a little chuckle. Even though the jokes are short, anyone who hears them will laugh for a long time.
- A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
- A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender asks it to leave. “Why?” says the mushroom. “I’m a fungi.”
- A three-legged dog limps into a bar and tells the bartender, “I’m looking for the guy that shot my paw…”
- A corn stalk walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Want to hear a joke?” The stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender frowns and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
- A brain walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Are you out of your head?”
- A tennis ball rolls into a bar. After a few minutes, the bartender asks, “Have you been served?”
- A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.
- A snail walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender refuses and throws the snail out the door. Two weeks later, the snail comes back and says to the bartender, “What the heck was that for?”

Section 7 of 10:

Long Walks Into a Bar Jokes

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Longer setups equal bigger laughs. Telling a long joke is like telling your audience a story. Take your time building up the setup, and by the time you reach the punchline, the huge laugh will be worth the wait.
- A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender, “What’s up with the meat?” The bartender explains, “If you can jump up and hit one, you drink for free tonight. If you miss, you have to buy everyone else a drink. You want to try?” The guy says, “No thanks, the steaks are too high.”
- A guy walks into a bar and sits down. After a few seconds, he hears a high-pitched voice say, “I like your shirt!” The guy looks around, but there’s no one else at the bar besides him and the bartender. Again, he hears the voice say, “You have beautiful eyes!” The guy asks the bartender, “Is that you?” The bartender replies, “No, it’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”
- A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender makes the drink, amazed that a gorilla came in. The gorilla gives the bartender $20 and the bartender gives back $1 in change. The bartender says, “I don’t get many gorillas in here, you know.” The gorilla replies, “For $19 a martini, I can see why!”
- A piece of string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve strings here. The string walks back outside, messes up its hair, ties itself into a bow, and walks back in. The bartender says, “Aren’t you the string that was just in here?” The string replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”
- A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Got any bread?” The bartender says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back and asks the bartender if they have any bread. Again, the bartender politely says no, and the duck leaves. On the third day, the duck comes back and asks if they have any bread. The bartender gets upset and shouts, “If you ask if we have bread one more time, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!” The duck says sorry and leaves. The next day, the duck comes back. It asks, “Got any nails?” Surprised by the new question, the bartender replies, “No.” The duck pauses for a second and then asks, “In that case, got any bread?”

Section 8 of 10:

Walk Into a Bar Jokes for Adults

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Crack these jokes around an older crowd. While these jokes aren’t completely inappropriate, adults will understand them better and get a bigger laugh.
- A blind man walks into a bar, then a chair, then a table.
- A beaver walks into a bar. The bartender shouts, “Close the dam door!”
- A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor all walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “What, is this some kind of joke?”
- An Irishman walks out of a bar…That’s it, that’s the joke!
- Jesus walks into a bar and asks for a cup of water. The bartender says, “If you want wine, then you have to pay like the rest of us.”
- A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. He asks for a straw and the bartender says, “Don’t worry, these glasses are clean.” The man replies, “Oh, I know. I just told my partner I’d never put my lips on another glass of whiskey again.”
- A drunk man walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. The bartender tells the man he can’t serve him and throws him out. A few minutes later, the drunk man tries to come back in. Again, the bartender throws him out. When the man comes in for a third time, the bartender shouts, “We can’t serve you, please leave!” The drunk man replies, “How many bars do you work at?!”
- A cowboy ties up his horse and walks into a bar. The locals play a prank, and steal his horse. The cowboy finishes his drink and sees his horse is stolen. He pulls out his gun and says, “You better give back my horse before I finish my next drink, or I’ll have to do what I did last time?” A nervous person at the bar asks, “What did you do last time?” The cowboy sadly replies, “I had to walk home.”

Section 9 of 10:

Dirty Walk Into a Bar Jokes

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Try these spicy jokes when you want to be more PG-13. Bar jokes can get a little raunchy, so just make sure there aren’t any youngsters around who will overhear.
- Two pretzels walk into a rowdy bar. One was a salted.
- A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So they gave it to him.
- A pirate walks into a bar with a small steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, “What’s that?” The pirate replies, “I don’t know, but it’s driving me nuts.”
- An old sea captain walks into a bar. The bartender asks how he got his peg leg. The captain replies, “Aye, a whale bit my leg off.” The bartender then asks how the captain got his hook hand. The captain replies, “Aye, another pirate cut my hand off with a sword.” Then, the bartender asks how the captain got his eye patch. The captain answers, “Aye, a seagull pooped right in my eye.” The bartender asks, “You lost your eye from seagull poop?” The captain nods and says, “Aye, it was my first day with the new hook.”
- A guy walks into a bar with a genie and a briefcase. The bartender asks what’s inside, and the guy opens it up to reveal a tiny man playing a piano. The bartender asks, “Where’d you get that?” The guy replies, “This genie granted me a wish. Do you want to try?” The bartender accepts and asks for a million bucks. Suddenly, the bar is filled with a million ducks quacking and flying around. The bartender says, “I think your genie has a hearing problem.” The guy says, “Yeah, do you think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?”

Section 10 of 10:

The First Walk Into a Bar Joke

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The original “walks into a bar” joke dates back almost 4,000 years. Archaeologists in the 1800s discovered a clay tablet in Iraq that is believed to be the first recorded bar joke. The joke was written in the ancient Sumerian language that isn’t spoken anymore. While the translation doesn’t seem like a joke in modern times, it must have been funny enough to write down.^{[2]
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- A dog walks into a bar and says, “I cannot see a thing. I’ll open this one.”

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Avoid telling jokes that are offensive or contain stereotypes so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings.^{[3]
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