100+ Funny Golf Phrases & Quotes

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Pull out one of these witty golf lines next time you're on the green

Co-authored by Michael Metz and Raven Minyard, BA

Last Updated: January 15, 2025 Fact Checked

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• Funny Golf Quotes
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• Things to Say While Golfing
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• Golf Puns
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• Golf Jokes
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• Funny Golf Terms
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• Video
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• Tips

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A lot of people may think of golf as a serious, slow-paced game, but it has a fun, humorous side as well. If you’ve recently started playing golf and want to seem familiar with the sport, try referencing a funny golf quote or making a golf-related joke or sarcastic comment. In this article, we’ve gathered all the best funny golf sayings, including famous quotes, things to say on the course, puns, and jokes. Plus, learn funny-sounding golf terms and what they mean.

Steps

Section 1 of 5:

Funny Golf Quotes

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1. 
   Start your game off with a famous quote. If you want to show your friends you know your stuff when it comes to golf, referencing a quote made by a famous golfer might be the way to go. While there are a lot of inspirational golf quotes out there, there are a ton of funny ones, too. Here are some examples:

   • “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon
   • “We learn so many things from golf—how to suffer, for instance.” – Bruce Lansky
   • “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” – Babe Ruth
   • “The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law.” – H. G. Wells
   • “Golf is such an exciting game. Whack the ball, get in the cart. Whack the ball, get in the cart.” – Robin Williams
   • “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle
   • “To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.” – P. G. Wodehouse
   • “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin
   • “It’s not hard to keep your ball in the fairway, so long as you're not picky about which fairway.” – Unknown
   • “Golf is a game in which you yell "fore"... shoot six... and write down five.” – Paul Harvey
   • “Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.” – Unknown
   • “If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.” – Thomas Mulligan
   • “Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot.” – David Marr
   • “Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.” – Arnold Palmer
   • “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” – Gerald Ford
   • “Pressure is when you play $5 a hole with only $2 in your pocket.” – Lee Trevino
   • “The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.” – Ben Hogan
   • “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it is called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer
   • “They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.” – Raymond Floyd
   • “The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” – George Deukmejian
   • “I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.” – Bob Hope
   • “The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” – Billy Graham
   • “Show me a man with a great golf game, and I’ll show you a man who has been neglecting something.” – John F. Kennedy
   • “Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex–wife.” – Bruce Lansky
   • “The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.” – Phyllis Diller
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Section 2 of 5:

Funny Things to Say While Golfing

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1. 
   Playfully tease your friends with a sarcastic comment. Golf can be a great way to bond with your friends or make new ones. Keep everyone in a good mood with a bit of light teasing whenever your buddies make a bad shot. Be willing to make fun of yourself, too. Here are some examples:

   • When someone misses a putt: “Right club, though.”
   • When someone stripes a drive one: “Can’t wait to see how you turn this into a 6.”
   • When someone hits a really good shot: “Man, those clubs are really forgiving.”
   • “Maybe you’re left-handed?”
   • “Other than speed and direction, that was a nice putt.”
   • When someone’s ball is headed to the drink: “Cannonball!”
   • When someone chunks or tops one: “I think the problem is you’re standing too close to the ball—after it lands.”
   • On a bad tee shot: “Bold of you to lay up from here.”
   • When you hit a nice drive: “They serve drinks on flights shorter than that.”
   • “Right postage, wrong zip code.”
   • When someone obviously misses a putt: “How did that not go in?”
   • When someone shoots a hook: “Catch any fish with that hook?”
   • When you’re looking for someone’s ball: “There it isn’t!”
   • “It looked good in the air.”
   • When someone hits the trees: “Who made you branch manager?”
   • “You Bon Jovi’d that one… Halfway there.”
   • When you hole a putt from 10 feet or more: “Drive for show, putt for dough!”
   • If you stick one in the trees: “I think it opens up over there.”
   • When someone slices the ball: “If you grew tomatoes, I bet they’d come out sliced.”
   • “That would’ve been a great shot if that was where you were aiming.”
   • “Where’d you learn to hit a ball like that? I’d stay away from there from now on.”
   • “There are only two ways to lose at golf—you don’t press enough or you run out of daylight.”
   • “I don’t drive that far on vacation!”
   • When someone hits a high tee shot: “I hope it doesn’t burn up upon re-entry.”
   • “I haven’t played this bad since the last time I played!”

Section 3 of 5:

Funny Golf Puns

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1. 
   Make your fellow golfers roll their eyes with a great pun. If you’re a fan of wordplay, making a pun can be a great way to show off your knowledge of golf lingo. Your friends may act like they don’t like it, but they’ll probably secretly appreciate the wit involved with making a good pun. Here are some examples:

   • “This is my cup of tee.”
   • “All bets par off.”
   • “How about a spot of tee?”
   • “Stay humble and put your eagle aside.”
   • “It’s a tee-utiful day.”
   • “What a load of trap!”
   • “I’m at a loss fore words.”
   • “You’re the best, by par.”
   • “No ifs, ands, or putts.”
   • “Putter late than never.”
   • “It’s a hole new ball game.”
   • “Talk birdie to me.”
   • “It’s ball or nothing.”
   • “This is the start of a beautiful friend-chip.”
   • “Careful there, putter fingers!”
   • “You drive me crazy.”
   • “Let’s par-tee!”
   • “Who’s your caddy?”
   • “Stop coursing, there are kids around!”
   • “I like big putts and I cannot lie.”
   • “Good times as par as the eye can see.”
   • “Green there, done that.”
   • “Down putt not out.”
   • “Golf forth and prosper.”
   • “May the course be with you.”
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Section 4 of 5:

Funny Golf Jokes

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1. 
   Keep everyone laughing with a great golf joke. Playing golf can sometimes get frustrating, so what better way to ease the tension than with a good joke? Put a smile on your fellow golfers’ faces with one of these hilarious (and cheesy) examples:

   • “Golfing on election day? Make sure you cast an absent-tee ballot!”
   • “Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.”
   • “How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore!”
   • “What’s the best quality in a golf partner? They play worse than you do!”
   • “What do you call a wizard who can turn into a golf club? Harry Putter.”
   • “What’s a golfer’s favorite dance move? The bogey.”
   • “What do golfers do on their day off? Putter around.”
   • “What did Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? May the Fores be with you.”
   • “What’s a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie will do.”
   • “Golf is a lot like taxes. You go for the green and end up in the hole.”
   • “Golf balls are like eggs because they’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.”
   • “Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing.”
   • “What’s a golfer’s worst nightmare? The Bogeyman.”
   • “Where do ghosts play golf? On the golf corpse.”
   • “What are a golfer’s favorite flowers? Fore-get me nots.”
   • “When is the golf course too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes.
   • “My wife says she’s tired of my obsession with golf. I think it’s driving a wedge between us.”
   • “What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.”
   • “Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course!”
   • “Why don’t grasshoppers play golf? They like cricket better.”
   • “What do you call an angry golfer? Teed off!”
   • “Did you hear about the golfer who didn’t have metal clubs in his bag? He was iron deficient.”
   • “What type of beard is best for a golfer? A goatee.”
   • “What do you get when you cross a baseball field with a golf course? A diamond in the rough.”
   • “What do you use to find the location of a golf ball? A lie detector.”

Section 5 of 5:

Funny Golf Term Definitions

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1. 
   1
   Whiff A whiff is the action of swinging and missing the golf ball completely. Whiffs are counted as strokes and add to the player’s score because they intended to hit the ball, but there is no penalty.
2. 
   2
   Breakfast ball A breakfast ball refers to an unofficial golf rule in which a player receives a free mulligan—a shot that can be replayed without penalty—on the first tee. This is because a golfer’s first shot off the tee isn’t perfect. It’s called a breakfast ball because golfers usually start first thing in the morning.
3. 
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   Chicken stick A chicken stick is a golfer’s go-to club. Players typically use their chicken stick when they’re faced with a challenging shot and want to play it safe. They know this club is one they can rely on, and they’re too “chicken” to try another.
4. 
   4
   Coast-to-coast flight A coast-to-coast flight is a ball that is hit from one green-side bunker to a bunker, a sandy hazard on the course, on the opposite side of the putting green, like going from one side of the country to the other.
5. 
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   Fried egg A fried egg refers to when a golf ball gets buried in the sand after landing in a bunker with only the top of the ball visible. The ball is surrounded by a ring of sand, which resembles a fried egg.
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   Platypus In golf, a platypus is a rare occurrence in which a player hits their ball out of bounds and still makes par. The term compares the rarity of the platypus species to the rarity of this happening in a game.
7. 
   7
   Wormburner A wormburner (also known as a snakeraker or bughugger) is a golf shot—not a putt—in which the ball never leaves the ground or only gets a few feet off the ground. The idea is that because the ball stays on the ground, it “burns” the worms from the friction.
8. 
   8
   Chili dip A chili dip is a term for a poorly hit shot in which the golfer’s club head hits the ground well before it hits the ball, causing the ball to only move a short distance or not at all. Chili dips usually occur on short shots like chips and pitches, and are sometimes also called fat shots, heavy shots, or chunked shots.
9. 
   9
   Hosel rocket A hosel rocket is a golf slang term for a shank, or a mishit, where the golf ball hits the hosel (the rounded bank of a golfclub’s shaft) instead of the clubface. The ball then flies off in an unpredictable direction.
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    10
    Mickey Mouse course A Mickey Mouse course refers to a golf course that is poorly maintained with many short holes. This is similar to the term “Mickey Mouse degree,” used to describe college degrees that are considered pointless, as the phrase “Mickey Mouse” is a way of calling something unimportant or of low quality.
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Tips

• If you’re just starting to play golf, don’t stress about learning all the lingo right away. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and soon enough you’ll be talking and playing like a pro!
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