150+ Catchy Coffee Quotes and One-Liners to Start Your Day

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Take your cup of joe with a side of wit this morning

Co-authored by Robert McKeon Aloe and Bailey Bujnosek, BA

Last Updated: June 19, 2025 Fact Checked

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Funny Coffee Sayings & Quotes

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Short

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Clever

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Beautiful

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Instagram Captions

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Coffee Lover Quotes

The only thing coffee lovers crave more than their daily dose of caffeine is a good quote about the brew. Funny quotes about coffee can help get you through your rise and grind. Use your favorite saying as a caption on social media to celebrate National Coffee Day (Sept. 29) or whenever you want to share a snap of your artful latte. Scroll on to savor all the creative coffee quotes.

Best Funny Coffee Quotes & Sayings

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just looking for coffee.
Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Coffee is the most important meal of the day.
Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.
“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch
Give me coffee or give me chaos.
“Coffee is a balm for the heart and spirit.” – Giuseppe Verdi
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T.S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
Life happens, but coffee helps.

Section 1 of 6:

Funny Coffee Sayings & Quotes

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Read funny coffee sayings to start the day with laughter. Nothing grounds you quicker than a laugh. While you’re waiting for your perfect cup to brew, perk up with a hilarious coffee saying, joke, or quote that’s sure to bring a smile to your face.^{[1]
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- “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” – Henry Rollins
- “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” – Flash Rosenberg
- “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
- “Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.” – Nanea Hoffman, Sweatpants & Coffee
- “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.” – Groucho Marx
- “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” – Dave Barry
- “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” – Jean Kerr
- “There is no life without water, because water is needed to make coffee.”
- “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.’” – Cherise Sinclair, Master of the Mountains
- “If it weren’t for coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman
- “Starbucks says they’re going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’” – Conan O’Brien
- “Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy.”
- “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape; we didn’t get a good night’s sleep; we’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld
- “I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.” – Megan Mullally
- “Life without coffee is like something without something. Sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”
- “I don’t drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.”
- “My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.”
- “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” – Ronald Reagan
- “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”
- “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.” – J.S. Bach
- “Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.”
- “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
- “To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee… coffee.”
- “It’s strange how drinking 8 cups of water seems impossible, but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”
- “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping.”
- “I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.”

Section 2 of 6:

Short Funny Coffee Sayings and One-Liners

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Share a hilarious one-liner with your fellow coffee lovers. Indulge in a quick coffee quip that gets right to the point like a shot of espresso. Text one of these quotes to your friends and family who you love a latte, or share it on Facebook or Instagram.^{[2]
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- “Coffee first. Schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber, Darker Still
- “Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch
- “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.” – Clark Gable
- “Keep calm and make coffee.”
- “Coffee is my survival juice.”
- “Forever: the time it takes to brew the first cup of coffee in the morning.”
- “Decaf isn’t in my vocabulary.”
- “Give me coffee or give me chaos.”
- “Who needs a motivational quote when you have coffee?”
- “Life happens, but coffee helps.”
- “Behind every productive workday is a lot of coffee.”
- “Coffee is the real employee of the month.”
- “Coffee: turning panic into productivity since forever.”
- “Coffee is my water now.” – Becky G
- “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais
- “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!” – Howard Schultz
- “I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.” – Gary Larson
- “Coffee in England is just toasted milk.” – Christopher Fry
- “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” – Edward Abbey
- “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – A distinguished citizen of North Carolina^{[3]
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- “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.”
- “Today’s good mood is brought to you by coffee.”
- “Don’t trust anything I said before I had my coffee.”
- “Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.”
- “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black
- “7 days without coffee makes one weak.”
- “My birthstone is a coffee bean.”

Section 3 of 6:

Clever Coffee Sayings

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Memorize a clever or sarcastic coffee saying to impress your friends. Comedians and quick-witted individuals have blessed the world with their musings on coffee. Check out the best of these wisecracks below—their bitter tone is perfect for when you haven’t had your cup yet.
- “Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.”
- “Before 10 am, no matter what the question is, my answer is always coffee.”
- “Coffee helps me maintain my ‘never killed anyone’ streak.”
- “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” – Jac Vanek
- “Quick, drink coffee and pretend you know what you’re doing.”
- “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T.S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
- “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” – Steven Wright
- “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.”
- “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” – Fran Drescher
- “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.” – Sir James Mackintosh
- “People say money can’t buy happiness. That’s a lie. Money buys coffee, and coffee makes me happy!”
- “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.”
- “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett
- “I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
- “Humanity runs on coffee.”
- “Want to hear a joke? Decaf.”
- “If you’re not coffee, chocolate, or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
- “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” – Alfred Rényi
- “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson
- “What do you want?” “Just coffee. Black – like my soul.” – Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
- “Is there anything better than iced coffee and a bookstore on a sunny day? I mean, aside from hot coffee and a bookstore on a rainy day.” – Emily Henry, Book Lovers
- “They like their coffee like they like their ex-boyfriends: bitter.” – John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
- “I don’t really like coffee, she said, but I don’t really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either.” – Brian Andreas
- “Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.” – Alex Levine
- “Only an idiot would rely on the energy of a bean or a leaf to stay awake throughout the day.” – Tahereh Mafi, Destroy Me

Section 4 of 6:

Beautiful Quotes About Coffee

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Contemplate simple pleasures like coffee with a meaningful quote. Not every saying about coffee is as bitter as a burnt roast. Some capture the joy coffee brings as part of a morning routine. Show your appreciation for a satisfying cappuccino by sharing one of these beautiful quotes on social media or over text.^{[4]
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- “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.” – Harry Mahtar
- “Coffee is a balm for the heart and spirit.” – Giuseppe Verdi
- “Coffee should be black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” – Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord
- “Life is just one cup of coffee after another, and don’t look for anything else.” – Bertrand Russell
- “I’d never met coffee that wasn’t wonderful. It was just a matter of how wonderful it was.” – Laurell K. Hamilton
- “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” – Hugh Jackman
- “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
- “Ah, coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s task.” – Holly Black, Ironside
- “What on Earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee?” – Anthony Trollope
- “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson
- “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
- “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea
- “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
- “No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kadir
- “I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.” – Abigail Reynolds
- “It doesn’t matter where you’re from or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.” – Gabriel Bá, Daytripper
- “Coffee connects us in so many ways—to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.” – Rohan Marley
- “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jessi Lane Adams
- “He was my cream, and I was his coffee. And when you poured us together, it was something.” – Josephine Baker
- “We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” – Ray Bradbury^{[5]
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- “Coffee, which makes the politician wise, and see through all things with his half-shut eyes.” – Alexander Pope
- “Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee.”
- “Coffee makes us severe, and grave and philosophical.” – Jonathan Swift
- “Coffee is the elixir that awakens the mind, an aromatic kiss that caresses the soul.”
- “Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis—a good hot cup of coffee.” – Alexander King^{[6]
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Section 5 of 6:

Funny Coffee Captions for Instagram

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Caption your coffee pictures with the perfect pun or quote. When you share an aesthetically pleasing snapshot of your morning brew, top it off with just the right caption. Use a cute coffee pun or a reflective quote to engage followers with your caffeinated content.^{[7]
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- Look what you made me brew!
- I’m a latte to handle ☕
- Frappe birthday!
- Trouble is brewing 😈
- Espresso Patronum! 🧙☕
- Deja brew: the feeling you’ve had this coffee before 👀
- It’s brew or die
- That’s that me espresso ☕
- Ex-presso yourself
- Rise and grind
- I’m livin’ la vida mocha 🍫
- My cup runneth over
- “A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.”
- Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s caffeine 😅
- But first, coffee
- Sip happens
- Coffee: because adulting is hard 😓
- Meet my hot friend
- Coffee is a hug in a mug ☕
- Life begins after I’ve had my coffee
- “Not all who wander are lost. Some are just looking for coffee.”
- Have a brew-tiful day! 😊
- More espresso, less depresso
- Inhale caffeine, exhale negativity
- Support your local caffeine dealers!
- Coffee and friends are the perfect blend
- Just brew it

Section 6 of 6:

Coffee Lover Quotes

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Relate to fellow caffeine lovers with a quote celebrating coffee. If you love coffee, it’s not hard to find a community of like-minded people. Deciding which is the best way to take your coffee is another story. Regardless of which latte you like, find common ground(s) when you share one of these quotes with other coffee lovers.
- “I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover.” – Sandra Bullock
- “I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as perfume.” – John Van Druten
- “A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.”
- “Coffee is my love language.”
- “Coffee lovers have no regrets—only refills.”
- “I’m half human, half coffee.”
- “This coffee tastes like I should stay home from work and binge-watch Netflix from my bed.”
- “Coffee isn’t a drug. It’s a vitamin.”
- “Don't ever let anyone tell you that fairy tales aren’t real. I drink a potion made from magic beans every day, and it brings me back to life.” – Nanea Hoffman, Sweatpants & Coffee
- “Coffee is the most important meal of the day.”
- “E = MC2. Energy = My Coffee times 2.”
- “Asking me if I like coffee is like asking me if I like breathing.”
- “I just realized I’m not a morning person. I’m a coffee person.”
- “First I drink the coffee, then I do the things.”
- “I’d stop drinking coffee, but I’m not a quitter.”
- “All you need is love—or more coffee.”
- “Coffee is my liquid patience.”
- “Love is in the air—I can smell my coffee brewing.”
- “Coffee: an attitude adjustment in a mug.”
- “I love people who make me laugh, make me think, and make me coffee. Not necessarily in that order.”
- “The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven’t had any yet.”
- “I like my coffee how I like my Death Stars: gigantic, on the dark side, and powerful enough to destroy a planet.”
- “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.”
- “Every day is like a cup of coffee: it will be as good as you make it.”