150+ Funny Quotes About Dogs to Make Any Dog Lover Laugh

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Hilarious phrases about your furry best friend

Co-authored by Nicole Larocco-Skeehan and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: August 6, 2025 Fact Checked

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Hilarious Dog Quotes

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Cute

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One-Liner Jokes

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Short Sayings

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Instagram Captions

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Dog Puns

Dog lovers are some of our favorite people, and if you just happen to be a dog lover, you’ve come to the right side of the internet! To show our love for dogs, we compiled a list of the funniest, goofiest, and sweetest quotes about dogs ever. Take a look at the quotes, sayings, and humorous one-liners below to howl with laughter and fall in love with your pooch all over again.

Dog Quotes to Make You Laugh

“Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” - Unknown
“My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” - Elayne Boosler
“Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” - Agnes Sligh

Section 1 of 6:

Hilarious Dog Quotes

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These quotes will make any dog lover howl with laughter. Need a midday pick-me-up or just a reason to smile? Dogs are perfect for that! These funny and endearing quotes are sure to brighten your day and make it paw-sitively great:
- “My dog is allowed to go to bed with me. His own one is haunted.” - Unknown
- “Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” - Unknown
- “A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well, almost.” - Charlotte Gray
- “If your dog thinks you’re the greatest person in the world, don’t seek a second opinion.” - Jim Fiebig
- “It’s always the human who doesn’t understand the dog. Never the other way around!” - Stefan Wittlin
- “If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.” - Unknown
- “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx
- “If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.” - Fran Lebowitz
- “Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mailman is not to be trusted.” - Sian Ford
- “You can trust your dog to guard your house, but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.” - Unknown
- “No home decor is complete without dog hair.” - Unknown
- “The average dog is nicer than the average person.” - Andy Rooney
- “Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” - Unknown
- “What I like most about people is their dogs.” - Unknown
- “The only person who understands me is my dog.” - Unknown
- “Choosing a dog may be the only chance you get to pick a relative.” - Unknown
- “Dogs are like humans, only without the flaws.” - Unknown
- “I used to have a life, but my dog ate it.” - Unknown
- “The only time my dog listens to me is when I have food.” - Unknown
- “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.” - Phil Pastoret
- “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” - Franklin P. Jones^{[1]
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- “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” - Franklin P. Jones
- “You really haven’t lived until a dog has stepped on your face.” - Ann M. Martin
- “My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” - Elayne Boosler
- “Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” - Agnes Sligh
- “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around—that’s their job.” - George Carlin
- “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” - Christopher Morley
- “The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.” - Ambrose Bierce
- “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” - Charles de Gaulle

Section 2 of 6:

Cute Quotes About Dogs

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These quotes will make you fall in love with your furry friend all over again! Sometimes, you just need a reminder about how much you love dogs. These quotes are not only inspiring and adorable, but they’ll make you want to scoop up your doggo and give them all the cuddles!
- “A dog is the only thing that can mend a crack in your broken heart.” - Judy Desmond^{[2]
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- “More than intuiting what we think, dogs may also feel what we feel.” - Gregory Berns
- “In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag.” - W.H. Auden
- “A dog can’t think that much about what he’s doing, he just does what feels right.” - Barbara Kingsolver
- “Be the person your dog thinks you are.” - C.J. Frick
- “Dogs are our link to paradise.” - Milan Kundera
- “Happiness can be touched; you just have to pet a dog.” - Unknown
- “Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.” - Kinky Friedman
- “Dogs only live in the present. They are not afraid of the future and do not dwell on the past.” - Amy Tan
- “A dog is like an eternal Peter Pan—a child who never grows up and who therefore is always available to love and be loved.” - Aaron Katcher
- “When God measures a dog, he puts a tape measure around the heart instead of around the head.” - Ernst R. Hauschka
- “No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.” - Louis Sabin
- “The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.” - M.K. Clinton
- “Because of the dog’s joyfulness, our own is increased. It is no small gift.” - Mary Oliver
- “If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” - Will Rogers
- “The love of a dog is a pure thing. He gives you a trust which is total. You must not betray it.” - Michael Houellebecq
- “The dog lives for the day, the hour, even the moment.” - Robert Falcon Scott
- “I want to work like a dog, doing what I was born to do with joy and purpose.” - Oprah Winfrey
- “The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” - Samuel Butler
- “It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.” - John Grogan
- “Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.” - Roger Caras
- “If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.” - Charles Yu
- “Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.” - John Grogan
- “Everything I know I learned from dogs.” - Nora Roberts

Section 3 of 6:

Funny Dog One Liners

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These jokes are short, sweet, and hilarious. No sense barking up a tree when you want a quick humor fix—these jokes are all you need! The funny dog one-liners below are silly and to-the-point, so they’re easy to say or think when you need to lighten the mood quickly:
- Why did the dog go to the bank? To make a de-paws-it.^{[3]
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- What kind of car does a dog drive? A Fur-rari.
- What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador.
- What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.
- What do you call a dog in the winter? A chili dog.
- What’s a dog’s favorite part of New York City? Central Bark.
- Why did the dog act out? He had problems with pawthority.
- Why can’t dogs work the TV remote? Because they always hit the paws button.
- Why did the dog skip the prom? Because he had two left feet.
- What do you get a dog for its birthday? Pupcakes.
- What did the therapy dog say to her client? “That’s ruff.”
- Why are there no losers in a dachshund race? They’re all weiners.
- Why didn’t the dog want to play football? Because it was a boxer.
- What is Dracula’s favorite dog breed? Bloodhound.
- What did the Dalmatian say when he finished dinner? “That hit the spot.”
- What’s a dog’s favorite trick to do on Halloween? Play dead.
- What’s the friendliest thing in the world? A wet dog.
- What do you call a dog crossed with a calculator? A best friend you can always count on.
- Who is the most famous dog magician in history? Houndini.
- What did the mommy dog say to the baby dog at bedtime? “Hush, puppy!”
- What’s a dog’s favorite type of pizza? Pupperoni and snausage.
- What did the snowman name his dog? Frost, because he bites.
- What kind of dog should you get if you’re always late? A watchdog.
- Where do dogs go after their tails fall off? The re-tail store.
- What’s a dog’s favorite position to play in football? Golden receiver.
Looking for more dog jokes? Click here for our master list of dog jokes!

Section 4 of 6:

Short Funny Dog Sayings

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These quotes retrieve laughter in a matter of seconds. You don’t need to run too far to fetch the perfect joke! These dog sayings are funny, sweet, and short, making them perfect for almost any situation:
- “Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.” - John Peer
- “There is only one smartest dog in the world, and every boy has it.” - Louis Sabin
- “I don’t feel at home without some dog hair.” - Unknown
- “Dog is God spelled backward.” - Duane Chapman
- “A dog is the only friend money can buy.” - Fritz Herdi
- “A dog is a heart on four legs.” - Unknown
- “Dogs don’t lie around lazily, they decorate the room.” - Unknown
- “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” - Ben Williams
- “You can’t beat anything into an animal, but there’s no limit to what you can pet out of them.” - Astrid Lindgren
- “My dog is a disaster as a dog, but irreplaceable as a human.” - Johannes Rau
- “A dog doesn’t know how to spell love, but he knows how to show it every day.” - Unknown
- “Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.” - Orhan Pamuk
- “Home is where your dog runs to greet you.” - Unknown
- “Pets understand humans better than humans do.” - Ruchi Prabhu
- “With a short tail wagging, a dog can express more emotion than some people with hours of talk.” - Louis Armstrong
- “Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.” - Max Eastman
- “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than it loves itself.” - Josh Billings
- “Of course you can live without a dog, it’s just not worth it.” - Heinz Ruhmann
- “Properly trained, a man can be a dog’s best friend.” - Corey Ford
- “Give a person a dog and their soul will heal.” - Hildegard Von Bingen
- “Life without a dog is a mistake.” - Carl Zuckmayer
- “A house is not a home until it has a dog.” - Gerald Durrell
- “Training the dog is training the human being.” - Oliver Jones
- “The dog is a companion that reminds us to enjoy every single moment.” - Marla Lennard
- “Life without a dog is possible but pointless.” - Unknown
- “When you’re with a dog, people become more human right away.” - Hubert Ries

Section 5 of 6:

Funny Dog Instagram Captions

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These quotes are paw-fect for describing your goofy pup. Looking for a caption for a silly or sweet picture of your dog for Instagram? Well, you’ve come to the right place! The captions below can be paired with funny videos or adorable pics. Skim through them to see which matches your post perfectly:
- Here for a good time and a long walk.^{[4]
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- Just a pup living life one tail wag at a time.
- Sunshine, belly rubs, and good vibes only.
- Paws-itively living my best life.
- Play more, worry less.
- My best friend has paws.
- Tail wags speak louder than words.
- Keep calm and pet the dog.
- The dog days of summer.
- Sun’s out, tongue’s out.
- Having doodles of fun!
- Small dog, big adventures.
- Ruffin’ it.
- Who rescued who?
- Best in Show
- The OG Good Boy
- Love at first bark.
- My dog thinks I’m pawsome.
- Thanks fur the memories.
- Living that dog mom life!
- My dog’s only flaw is not living forever.
- The friendship is fur real.
- Sometimes, they call me “Getbackhere.”
- Love is just a tail wag away.
- Home is where my dog is.
- Less people, more dogs.
- Dogs > People
- I’m not single. I have a dog.

Section 6 of 6:

Quirky & Cute Dog Puns

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These puns are sure to tickle the funny bone of any dog lover. Puns: you’ve got to love them! They’re witty, silly, and an all-around good time. Use these dog-centered puns as a social media caption or in your everyday life—the paws-abilities are endless!
- I’m the ulti-mutt dog lover!^{[5]
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- Urine my heart forever.
- Howl you doin’?
- Don’t go bacon my heart.
- Anything is paws-ible!
- Retriever? I hardly know her.
- You’re the best dog in the world. I Shih Tzu not.
- You have the corg-key to my heart.
- In this race, the Weiner takes it all.
- I’m mutts about you!
- You’re my pup of tea.
- I chews you!
- I like big mutts and I cannot lie.
- Come to the bark side.
- You’re barking up the wrong tree.^{[6]
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- People who hate dogs are re-pug-nant.
- Ruff day.
- Bone appetit!
- Oh, paw-lease!
- Furry hair, don’t care.
- Su-paw-star.
- My dog really digs you.
- We’re going to be best friends fur-ever.
- My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
- You need a new leash on life.