150 Clean & Funny Christian Jokes for All Ages

If you’re looking for some new ways to make your fellow Christians laugh, look no further! There are plenty of lighthearted Christian and Bible jokes that are funny without being offensive. In this article, we’ve compiled a list of 150 of the best jokes and riddles about the Bible and Christianity. Plus, we’ll explain how to deliver a Bible joke respectfully. Keep reading to lift your spirits with a good sense of humor!

The Best Jokes About the Bible

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? In the big inning. Eve stole first. Adam stole second.
What was Noah’s greatest worry? The pair of termites.
How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
Where was Solomon’s temple located? On the side of his head.
Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.

Section 1 of 8:

Funny Bible Jokes

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Give a Christian a good laugh with a hilarious Bible joke. You probably take your religion very seriously, but that doesn’t mean you can’t joke around now and then! There are a ton of fun, lighthearted jokes about the Bible (and Christianity in general) that many Christians will love. Here are some examples:
- Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? In the big inning. Eve stole first. Adam stole second.
- Why was Solomon always so quiet? Because he was a solemn man.
- What is a dentist’s favorite hymn? Crown him with many crowns.^{[1]
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- What’s black and white and read all over? Hopefully your Bible.
- What kind of cell phone did Delilah use? Samson.
- Why didn’t Noah go fishing? He only had two worms.
- Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy? The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing.
- How do we know God likes coffee? Because the Bible says He brews.
- What did Moses say when he came down the mountain and saw the Israelites worshipping a golden calf? Holy cow!
- What type of car would Jesus drive? A Christler.
- What did God say after He created Adam? “I can do better than that.” And so, He created woman.
- What is the best way to get to Paradise? Turn right and go straight.
- Who was the first person to download something from a cloud to two tablets? Moses.
- When is medicine first mentioned in the Bible? When God gave Moses two tablets.^{[2]
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- What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear? “Take it or leaf it.”
- What were the first words out of Adam’s mouth when he first saw Eve? “Whoa, man!” Thus, the word “woman” was created.
- Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York? She fell for the Big Apple.
- If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man? Because he would be several thousand years old.
- What happens when a priest does Mass without a Bible? He does it priest-style.
- What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic.
- How could the Son of Man afford to pay it all? Because Jesus Saves!
- How did Jacob’s brother feel after his blessing was stolen? He was stewing.
- Why was everyone in Biblical times so poor? Because there was only one Job.
- What was Noah’s greatest worry? The pair of termites.
- What was Moses’s wife, Zipphora, known as when she’d throw dinner parties? “The hostess with the Moses.”

Section 2 of 8:

Short Bible Jokes

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Keep things snappy with a short joke. While long-form jokes can be hilarious, you don’t always have time to commit to the bit. If that’s the case, try a short and simple joke instead. Here are some quick jokes to lighten the mood:
- Why did the Christian chicken go to the other side of the road? To get a cross.
- What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
- Why is Swiss cheese the most religious type of cheese? Because it’s hole-y.
- What time of day did God create Adam? Just before eve.
- Who was the smartest person in the Bible? Abraham. He knew a Lot.
- How did the apostles get to Pentecost? Honda. They were all in one Accord.
- Where was Solomon’s temple located? On the side of his head.
- How did Adam and Eve feel when they were expelled from the Garden of Eden? They were really put out.
- When was the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
- How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
- Did Eve have a date with Adam? No, just an apple.
- What’s a missionary’s favorite type of car? A convertible.^{[3]
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- How do pastors like their orange juice? With pulpit.
- What do they call pastors in Germany? German Shepherds.
- How do you know that atoms are Catholic? They have mass.
- Which book of the major prophets is the easiest to understand? Easy-kiel (Ezekiel).
- What sort of lights were on Noah’s ark? Floodlights.
- How do we know that cars were in the New Testament? Because Jesus was a car-painter.
- What do you call a prophet who’s also a chef? Habakkuk.
- Which Bible character is a locksmith? Zaccheus.
- What did God’s people say when food fell from Heaven? “Oh, man-na!”
- Why did Boaz hate lying? Because he loved t-ruth.
- What did David have in common with Hamilton? He wasn’t going to throw away his (sling)shot.
- How are toddlers and those who attempted to build a tower to Heaven similar? They all babble.
- What’s a believer’s favorite fruit? Spiritual.

Section 3 of 8:

Bible Jokes for Adults

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Tell some fun jokes that a mature audience will appreciate. We often think that adult jokes have to be dirty or inappropriate, but that’s not true! Sometimes, the material simply goes over children’s heads. Here are some of our favorite clean Bible jokes for adults:
- What is a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage? The Great Commission.
- How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? By his net income.
- Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah? He didn’t want to split hairs.
- A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”
- How do you make holy water? Put water in a pot and boil the hell out of it.
- Who was the first person in the Bible to swear? Job—he cursed the day he was born!
- Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.^{[4]
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- Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.^{[5]
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- Who was the first drug addict in the Bible? Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.
- According to the Bible, which one of Yahweh’s servants was the most flagrant lawbreaker? Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
- Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? He thought he saw a Job.
- What did the lawyer ask when someone started talking about God’s will? “Was it notarized?”
- Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled? The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
- Which Biblical city was against the COVID mask mandate? Damascus.
- What did Daniel tell his real estate agent? I’d prefer a house with no den.

Section 4 of 8:

Bible Jokes for Kids

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Make children laugh with some easy-to-understand Bible jokes. Whether you’re teaching Sunday School or simply looking for a fun way to encourage kids to read their Bible, there’s no shortage of hilarious Christian jokes for kids. Tell simple jokes to younger kids, and save your more complex jokes for older ones who have a better chance of understanding them. Here are some examples:
- What is appropriate attire for church? Holy jeans.
- What did Jesus say to Peter as he was walking on water? “Water you waiting for?”
- What is the best place to get an ice cream? Sundae School.
- What animal did Noah find difficult to trust? The cheetah.^{[6]
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- What is the stinkiest book in the Bible? Doo-doo-ronomy.
- Who was the fastest runner in the Bible? Adam, because he was first in the human race.
- What does God call his nose? God knows.
- Why did Moses cross the Red Sea? To get to the other side.
- How do angels greet each other? Halo, halo, halo.
- On the ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks? Quackers.^{[7]
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- What did pirates call Noah’s boat? The arrrrrk.
- Why didn’t anyone want to fight Goliath? It seemed like a giant ordeal.
- Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean? He knew there was something fishy about it.^{[8]
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- What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
- How is SpongeBob like the Bible? Both are quite holey.
- What is the best way to study the Bible? You Luke into it.
- Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the ark? They were using fowl language.^{[9]
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- What nursery song did Jesus hear the most? “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
- What is a math teacher’s favorite book of the Bible? Numbers.
- Who was the best DJ in the Bible? Jesus. He really turned tables.
- Which animal on Noah’s ark had the highest level of intelligence? The giraffe.
- When was the first lunch meat mentioned in the Bible? When Noah took Ham into the ark.
- How many people went on board the ark before Noah? Three, because it says “Noah went forth.”
- How would you rate Jael’s camping skills? Tent out of tent.
- What size was the lumber that was made to build the ark? 2x2.

Section 5 of 8:

Bible One-Liners

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Show off your wit with a quick one-liner. Unlike other jokes, which are told in a question-and-answer format, one-liners are delivered in a single line. To create a successful one-liner, start with a setup that sounds like it’s going one direction, then end with an unexpected punchline. Or, simply rely on some good, old-fashioned puns and wordplay. Here are some of our favorites:
- I went to my pastor because I’m addicted to Facebook. He said, “Sorry, I don’t follow you.”
- I used to have a lot of problems with my posture. I didn’t think prayer could help me, but I stand corrected.
- Adam wakes up and finds Eve counting his ribs. When he asks why, she says, “I want to make sure there’s no other woman in your life.”
- The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind.” I don’t know if that’s true because my 3-year-old says he loves me.
- Pharaoh’s daughter was the most business-savvy woman in the Bible. She went down to the bank of the Nile and pulled out a little prophet.
- Did you know Samson was the world’s first comedian? He brought the house down.^{[10]
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- Need a boat? I Noah guy.
- The Pharisees believe in the resurrection of the dead, but the Sadducees don’t. That’s why they’re sad, you see.
- Of course I believe in free will! What choice do I have?
- It wasn’t the apple in the tree that got us in trouble, but the pair on the ground.
- I went running with my Bible. Now my Psalms are sweaty.
- My friend told me he only believed 12.5% of the Bible. He said he’s an eighth theist.
- The thief who stole my diary and Bible died today. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
- I’m reading a book that compares the different versions of the Bible. Turns out, there’s a lot of cross referencing.
- The Bible is one of the best-selling books in the world. It’s very prophetable.

Section 6 of 8:

Bible Puns

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Make a pun based on your favorite Bible story or character. Some may say puns are the lowest form of humor, but that’s only because they didn’t think of them first! Think of some of your favorite people from the Bible, and see if you can come up with a pun inspired by their names! Here are some examples:
- Why wouldn’t Pharaoh let the Hebrews go? He was in de-Nile.
- Why did Adam insist on naming the spearmint leaf? Because he was Adam-mint.
- What kind of man was Boax before he married Ruth? Ruthless.^{[11]
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- How long did Cain dislike his brother? As long as he was Abel.
- Aside from Adam and Eve, who in the Bible had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun.^{[12]
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- What kind of plants didn’t Noah want on the ark? Leeks.
- What did Adam and Eve do after they were kicked out? They raised Cain.
- How do we know the people on the ark didn’t play card games? Because Noah sat on the deck.
- Did you know Jeremiah opened up a French candy store? He calls it la-mints.
- When is the first math problem mentioned in the Bible? When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
- What’s a miracle that can be done by a complainer? Turning anything into whine.
- Why did the hawk sit on the church steeple? Because it was a bird of pray.
- Why are there no Hondas in the Bible? Because Jesus never spoke of his own Accord.
- What types of boats do believers want to go on? Discipleship and worship.
- Who in the Bible was super fit? Ab-salom.
- Why did the priest giggle during his homily? He had Mass hysteria.
- What do donkeys send out around Christmastime? Mule-tide greetings.
- Who is the patron saint of poverty? Saint Nickeless.
- Did you know that Jesus is divine? Yes, it’s true, and we are da branches.
- What do you call a Bible character who just pulled into a church? A parking Lot.

Section 7 of 8:

Bible Riddles

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Quiz someone on their Bible knowledge with a tricky riddle. Whether you’re teaching kids about the Bible or having fun with some friends after church, a great way to test people’s Biblical knowledge is by asking them fun riddles. Here are some examples: ^{[13]
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- How many of each animal did Moses bring onto the ark?
  - None, Moses was never on the ark.
- I was a gift of many hues that sparked my brothers’ jealous views. Who am I, clothed in love but thrown into a pit?
  - Joseph and his coat of many colors.
- I hold the truth, both old and new. Told in tales, sincere and true. By pulpit voice and bedtime head, what holy book is often said?
  - The Bible.
- A snake, a tree, a tempting bite, we lost the garden in one night. Who took the fruit despite the ban, beside her stood the first man?
  - Eve.
- Short of stature, up high I climbed, in a tree to see the Lord divine. Who am I?
  - Zacchaeus.
- In a lion’s den I stayed, yet not a scratch on me was made. I prayed to God both night and day—who am I who dared to pray?
  - Daniel.
- I walked on water in a storm, but then I doubted and was warned. I sank until He took my hand, upon the sea, we both did stand. Who am I?
  - Peter.
- I thundered with fire and smoke on high, where Moses met God and law touched sky. What mountain am I?
  - Mount Sinai.
- I came with news both bright and bold. To Mary and others, God’s plan I told. Who am I, a messenger from on high?
  - Gabriel.
- Four days I lay in death’s dark cave, until He called me from the grave. Who am I, whom Jesus raised?
  - Lazarus.
- I was a baby born in a stall, with animals gathered in a small hall. Angels sang to shepherds nearby. Who am I, sent from the sky?
  - Jesus.
- I am tall and strong, with roots so deep. I stand and laugh while others weep. But David’s stone brought me to fall and with one blow, I lost it all. Who am I?
  - Goliath.
- Three days inside a giant fish, I learned to follow God’s wish. Who am I, saved from the deep?
  - Jonah.
- A basket floated on the Nile, I was a baby with a smile. Pharaoh’s daughter found me there. Who am I with the curly hair?
  - Moses.
- I gave Jesus a place to lay, full of hay on Christmas Day. What am I?
  - A manger.
- I was the garden where it all began, where God made woman and God made man. What am I?
  - The Garden of Eden.
- I’m tiny but mighty, and with five little stones, I faced a giant all alone. Who am I?
  - David.
- I’m a small town, quiet and bright, where Jesus was born on a holy night. The shepherds came to see the King. What place am I?
  - Bethlehem.
- I split apart to make a way, so God’s people could escape that day. Walls of water stood so tall. What sea am I that helped them all?
  - The Red Sea
- I’m not the sun, but I shine at night. I guided the wise men with my light. Up in the sky, I showed the way to find the baby where He lay. What am I?
  - The Star of Bethlehem.
- I can resemble an X, I can resemble a T. I can be found on chains. What do you call me?
  - A cross.
- I wasn’t Jesus’s dad by birth, but I cared for Him on earth. A carpenter was my trade, protecting Jesus every day. Who am I?
  - Joseph.
- I was a woman who washed Jesus’s feet with tears, showing great love through all my years. Who am I?
  - Mary Magdalene.
- I am the last book of the Bible, full of visions and signs, talking about Heaven and end times. What book am I?
  - Revelations.
- I am the father of many nations, yet I had my first child at a hundred years old. Who am I?
  - Abraham.

Section 8 of 8:

How to Make Respectful Jokes About the Bible

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Remember that the Bible is a sacred text for many people. If you’re a Christian, it’s totally okay to make lighthearted jokes about your religion. However, the Bible is very important to many people, and some may find jokes about religious content to be offensive or inappropriate. Be mindful of your audience so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
- Remember, intent and context matter. Avoid making jokes that are meant to belittle or mock religious beliefs. Jokes made among individuals who believe in the same religion may be received differently than jokes made in a secular or mixed audience.