95 Turtle Puns, Jokes & Captions to Tickle Your Shell

Looking for a turtley awesome pun or joke to make everyone laugh out loud? We’ve got you covered! In this article, we’re providing the ultimate shellection of turtle jokes, puns, and one-liners for kids and adults. We’ll also share the best turtle-inspired captions for social media. Let’s dive in!

Top Turtle Puns & Jokes

You’re shell-arious.
My life motto? Shell yeah, I can!
The baby sea turtles were walking tortoise.
Shell we dance? Because my playlist is turtle-ly groovy.
What does a turtle dictator run? A cruel turtle-itarian regime.
Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!
Why do turtles never forget? Because they have turtle recall.

Section 1 of 9:

Best Turtle Jokes

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Turtles are known for their hard shell, slow speed, and long lifespan, making them the perfect punchline for a variety of jokes. Here are some of the most shellarious jokes to crack up your friends and family:^{[1]
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- What do you call a turtle chef? A slow cooker.
- What do you call a famous turtle? A shellebrity.
- What do you call a flying turtle? A shellacopter!
- What do you call a turtle with diarrhea? A turdle.
- What’s a turtle’s go-to romantic move? Slow dances.
- What does a turtle do on its birthday? It shellebrates.
- What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell? Shellarious ones!
- Why are turtles always shopping? They like to shell out!
- Where do you find a leg-less turtle? Wherever you left it!
- What does a turtle dictator run? A cruel turtle-itarian regime.
- Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!
- Why do turtles never forget? Because they have turtle recall.
- Why is turtle wax so expensive? Because their ears are so small.
- Where do you send turtles who commit crimes? To the shell block.
- How did the musician turtle get off his back? He rocked, and he rolled.
- What’s a turtle’s favorite Shakespearean line? “Shell I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
- What happens when you try to crossbreed a turtle and a dragon? You get a crushed turtle.
- What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins? A turtle disaster.
- Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle? It was a New York Times’ Best Sheller!

Section 2 of 9:

Funny Turtle Jokes for Kids

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Sharing a joke is one of the best ways to strengthen your bond with children, promote their creative thinking skills, and diffuse sour moods.^{[2]
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Research source} So, if you want to keep kids entertained, here are some shellarious jokes to make them laugh and think:^{[3]
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- What’s a turtle’s favorite game? Beakaboo.
- How do turtles communicate? Via shellphone!
- What do you call a sweet ninja turtle? Donut-ello.
- What kind of photos does a turtle take? Shellfies!
- What does a turtle need to ride a bike? A shellmet.
- What do you call a turtle with 6 feet? A 6-foot turtle.
- What did the cow say to the turtle? “Get a mooove on.”
- What’s green and goes click, click, click? A ballpoint turtle.
- What type of turtles are easiest to spot? Green “see” turtles.
- What’s a turtle’s favorite sandwich? Seanut butter and jellyfish!
- What do you call a turtle who’s only awake at night? A noc-turtle.
- What do you call a turtle who takes up photography? A snapping turtle.
- What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine? A slowpoke.
- What do you get when you cross a turtle and a llama? A turtle-neck sweater!
- Why can’t a turtle eat food from McDonald’s? Because a turtle is too slow for fast food!
- What did the turtle say when the frog jumped out from behind a bush? “Oh, you sturtled me!”
- Why do Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hate office work? Because they can’t stand The Shredder.
- What happens when you get into a fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? You get shell-shocked!

Section 3 of 9:

Dirty Turtle Jokes for Adults

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Tons of turtle-related terms can be turned into playful and naughty jokes for adults. Here are some clever examples with mature themes:
- If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked or homeless?
- What did the turtle say to the taco? “My shell or yours?”
- What do you call a turtle with an erection? A slow poke!
- How come the turtle didn't have a hard shell? Because it had ereptile dysfunction.
- Why was the turtle kicked out of the bathhouse? Because he kept flashing his shell.
- What did the male turtle say to the female turtle? “Let’s get out of our shells tonight.”

Section 4 of 9:

Turtle Knock-Knock Jokes

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Some knock-knock jokes have a bad wrap for being corny and cliché, but we promise you’ll find a funny option you’ve never heard below. Here are the best turtle knock-knock jokes to have everyone rolling on the floor:
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? You. You who? You see a turtle go by?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe spell turtle?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah, who? Noah good joke about turtles?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice turtle walk any faster?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie who? Eddie body home in that turtle shell?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo Who? Don’t cry! We have the best turtle jokes.
- Knock, Knock. Who’s there? June. June who? June know any good turtle knock knock jokes?

Section 5 of 9:

Short Turtle Puns

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Searching for a simple turtle pun that still packs a punch? Here are some quick and effective options to score some easy laughs:
- It’s from Aris-turtle.
- You’re shell-arious.
- Wear your shell-met!
- That was sturtling news.
- Shell yeah, it’s the weekend.
- I’m in turtle awe of her talent.
- My life motto? Shell yeah, I can!
- I’m not upset, just shell-shocked.
- Just shellin’ out good vibes today.
- That commer-shell is so annoying!
- Just call me Shell-Locked Holmes.
- The baby sea turtles were walking tortoise.
- Can’t adult today, I’m going full turtle mode.
- I’m not antisocial… I’m just socially shellective.

Section 6 of 9:

Romantic Turtle Puns

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If your partner is an ocean enthusiast, a turtle lover, or just someone who appreciates a good pun, share a romantic pun to sweeten up their day. Here are some romantic puns to express affection:
- You’re my shell-mate.
- I’m turtley in love you!
- You’re the turtle package.
- We are a turtley perfect match.
- I’m so glad we got out of our shells and met.
- Let’s take a moment to shell-ebrate our love.
- Can you be the top shell to my bottom shell?
- I’m happy we’re together, no matter how slow we go.

Section 7 of 9:

Birthday Turtle Puns

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There’s no better way to celebrate someone’s special day than by giving them the gift of laughter. Here are some turtley awesome birthday puns to get the party started:
- Let’s shell-ebrate your birthday!
- Don’t be slow, it’s your birthday!
- Happy birthday! It’s time to shell-ebrate!
- Wishing you a turtle-y fantastic birthday!
- I got invited to a costume birthday party, so I went as a turtle. I had a shell of a time.

Section 8 of 9:

Turtle One-Liners

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The next time you’re talking to someone, try to slide one of these lines into the conversation. They’re cheesy, funny, and sure to bring a sea of laughs:
- The turtle monk vowed to a life of shell-ebacy.
- My pet turtle died. I’m not upset, just shell-shocked.
- Shell we dance? Because my playlist is turtle-ly groovy.
- My uncle died from a turtle stampede. It was a slow death.
- I was a turtle in my past life. It’s slowly coming back to me.
- I’m looking for a book about turtles. I think it is a hard back.
- My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday. It tortoise nothing.
- My favorite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle. Strange name, but she tortoise well!
- I went into a bookstore to ask if they had any books about turtles. The cashier asked, “Hardback?” I said, “Yeah, and little heads!”

Section 9 of 9:

Turtle Captions

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Social media expert Kasey Dunn says your caption should be concise enough to “captivate the audience in the first eight seconds” of seeing your post.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Kasey Dunn
Social Media Expert

Expert Interview} After a few lines of text, Instagram hides the rest of your caption, so when in doubt, keep it simple. Here are some short, turtle-inspired captions:
- Shell-ebrate the little things.
- Slow and steady wins every time.
- Find your path, even if it takes a little time.
- Just dropped a selfie, and yes, it’s turtle-y cute.
- Woke up with zero ambition and a strong turtle vibe.
- Let’s be real: a turtle on vacation is my dream aesthetic.
- My spirit today: turtle in a hammock with zero responsibilities.
- Turtle pretending to be a rock until all responsibilities disappear.
- Currently embracing turtle energy: chill, slow, and snack-focused.