What’s a Performative Male? Everything You Need to Know

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Learn about the performative male starter pack taking TikTok by storm

Co-authored by Gia Rutkowski and Annabelle Reyes

Last Updated: October 1, 2025 Fact Checked

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‘Performative Male’ Meaning

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Traits

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Origins of the Term

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Are they manipulative?

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Final Thoughts

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If you’ve been scrolling on TikTok lately, you might have come across the term “performative male.” But what exactly is a performative male, and how do you spot one? If you’re looking for the answers to these questions, you’re in the right place! We’ll explain what “performative male” means, go over some common traits associated with them, and provide some examples of popular TikToks on this topic. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

Performative Male 101

Performative Male Starter Pack summary diagram

A “performative male” is a guy who adopts certain personality traits, interests, or styles to attract female attention. He isn’t genuinely interested in these things; he just wants to appeal to women and attract them. For example, a performative male might read feminist books, drink matcha lattes, and listen to Clairo.

Section 1 of 5:

What does “performative male” mean?

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A “performative male” is a guy who’s trying to cater to the female gaze. According to TikTok, a “performative male” takes on certain personality traits, fashion traits, or interests in order to mold himself into the kind of person he thinks women will be attracted to. For example, a stereotypical “performative male” might constantly talk about the feminist book he’s reading, profess to love artists like Clairo or Lana Del Rey, or claim that matcha is his favorite drink in the world.
- A key hallmark of the “performative male” is his lack of authenticity. He isn’t actually interested in these things—he’s just pretending to be in order to attract more female attention.
- In other words, if a guy was genuinely a major fan of Clairo and sincerely enjoyed educating himself about feminism, he wouldn’t fall into the “performative male” category.
- Below, we’ll go over the quintessential “performative male” traits in more detail.

Section 2 of 5:

Traits of “Performative Males”

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Expressing interest in “feminine” topics or hobbies In order to distance themselves from toxic masculinity, performative males often make a big show of being interested in stereotypically “feminine” things, such as feminist literature, popular female musicians, and even certain beverages (i.e., iced matcha lattes). Here are a few more specific examples:
- Books: Feminist literature like All About Love by Bell Hooks or Women, Race, & Class by Angela Davis, classic works by women like The White Album by Joan Didion, and modern literary fiction like Normal People by Sally Rooney.
- Music: Clairo, Lana Del Rey, Laufey, Beabadoobee, Faye Webster, Mitski, The Marías
- Food/Drinks: Iced matcha lattes, expensive smoothies, etc.
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Presenting himself as progressive & emotionally intelligent A performative male often tries to appear more socially progressive and emotionally mature than he actually is. To get this point across, he might walk around with a feminist book placed very conspicuously under his arm, talk about how much growth he’s experiencing in therapy, or express a strong interest in mental health.
- Keep in mind that a performative male exaggerates his interest in these topics to seem more approachable and “safe” to women.
- If a man is truly interested in these topics and is genuinely working to be more progressive and emotionally intelligent, he doesn’t qualify as a “performative male.”
Performative males often conform to a trendy, indie fashion aesthetic because they think it will attract more women. Fashion choices associated with performative males include vintage, thrifted clothing, baggy or wide-leg trousers, wired earbud headphones, canvas tote bags, and painted nails.
The key factor that determines whether a guy is a performative male is his authenticity. A performative male isn’t genuinely interested in any of the above topics or activities. He just wants to appear more progressive and emotionally mature, so women feel safe to approach him. He isn’t actually a sensitive, feminist, matcha-loving Clairo fan—he’s a guy who wants to go on dates with attractive women.

Section 3 of 5:

Where did the term “performative male” come from?

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The term “performative male” gained popularity on TikTok in 2025. The trend took off in 2025, when TikTok users started posting humorous videos and memes about performative males. These TikToks solidified the stereotype of a matcha-drinking, Clairo-listening “nice guy” who is inauthentically acting a certain way to appeal to women.^{[1]
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Research source} Here are some viral TikToks about performative males:
- This TikTok posted by user @curatedfindzzz shows a guy riding down an escalator holding an iced matcha latte while he reads a novel he’s holding in his other hand. He’s dressed in baggy light-wash jeans and a white button-down with a cardigan over it, and he sports a canvas tote bag over his shoulder.
- This TikTok by user @sspencerevans is a skit poking fun at performative males. The text on the video reads “POV: your date is a performative male,” and the TikTokker pretends to arrive at a date’s house wearing wired earbuds and a tote bag while carrying a matcha latte in one arm and several open books on his other arm.
- This TikTok by user @namyarfx documents a “performative male contest” that took place in Washington Square Park. Event goers dressed up in their best performative male outfits and showed them off for the crowd to vote on.

Section 4 of 5:

Are performative males manipulative?

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Performative males are considered to be manipulative. In order to qualify as a performative male, a guy needs to be faking an interest in certain topics, hobbies, or aesthetics specifically to attract women. He also exaggerates his progressiveness and emotional intelligence to draw women in and make them feel safe, only to reveal his true colors later. This definitely qualifies as manipulative behavior, which is why performative males get such a bad rap online.
- If you think you might be dealing with a manipulative performative male, check out our guide on spotting manipulative behavior.

Section 5 of 5:

Final Thoughts

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“Performative male” is a funny slang term that points to an actual problem. Although much of the online content about performative males is presented in a cheeky or funny way, the manipulation that may occur at the hands of a performative male is a real problem. On the flip side, the misuse of this term can also be offensive. Some men actually care about feminism, are doing the work to be more emotionally mature, and are genuinely interested in stereotypically “feminine” topics, books, or music. Calling one of these guys a “performative male” would likely be pretty hurtful.
- The bottom line? Exercise caution when using this term. It’s totally fine to laugh and joke about this phenomenon in good fun, but try to keep the nuances of the situation in mind, and make sure that you’re not calling people “performative males” if they don’t actually fit the bill.