What’s a Male Manipulator & Male Manipulator Music?

If you’ve spent any time on TikTok lately, you might have seen videos about male manipulators and male manipulator music. But who exactly is this guy, and is he really manipulative? Male manipulators are the latest meme trend on TikTok, which jokingly describes a certain kind of guy who tends to manipulate his partners. If you’re still confused, don’t worry! In this article, we’ll explain what a male manipulator is, what he’s like, and where this meme comes from. We’ll also go over any concerns about using this term and whether these guys are actually manipulative.

What does “male manipulator” mean?

A “male manipulator” is a guy with a specific aesthetic and interests who tends to manipulate his romantic partners. He’s described as liking “male manipulator music,” which includes indie bands like The Smiths and Radiohead. While he often has a sensitive vibe and artsy interests, this hides his manipulative ways.

Section 1 of 7:

What is a male manipulator?

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A “male manipulator” is a popular TikTok meme. Despite the potentially alarming name, “male manipulator” is a trendy buzzword on TikTok that’s not meant to be taken too seriously. It describes a guy with a certain aesthetic and interests who may have a reputation for manipulating his romantic partners (in other words: he lies, guilt-trips, and is emotionally unavailable). The term is primarily used to describe music these men like (aka “male manipulator music”), but it’s grown to include clothes they tend to wear and hobbies they often enjoy.^{[1]
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- “Male manipulators” tend to have a cool, indie aesthetic and sensitive personality (similar to a performative male) that they use to draw in a lot of women. Ultimately, this is just a facade, and they’re actually a bad partner.
- Women primarily use the term to poke fun at the common red flags they notice in men that mean they should stay away from them.
- Men are also in on the meme and jokingly call themselves male manipulators to make fun of the interests and aesthetic these guys tend to have.

Section 2 of 7:

Characteristics of a Male Manipulator

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He likes male manipulator music (aka indie or “sad boy” music). “Male manipulator music” refers to artists and bands that supposedly attract men who tend to manipulate their partners. This usually refers to indie music that has a sad or troubled vibe. However, male manipulator music has no set genre and can include pop, rock, and hip-hop artists.^{[2]
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- Common examples of male manipulator music: The Smiths, Radiohead, The Cure, TV Girl, Nirvana, Weezer, Mac DeMarco, Deftones, Smashing Pumpkins, Neutral Milk Hotel, Alex G, The Weeknd, Tyler, the Creator, and MF DOOM.
- While male manipulator music tends to feature male artists, female-led bands also qualify. These artists are usually more indie and have a similar “sad” vibe, like Lana Del Rey, Fiona Apple, Clairo, and Mitski.
- These bands often write songs with vulnerable themes, like loneliness or heartbreak, which fit a male manipulator’s sensitive facade.
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He likes to wear band tees, skate shoes, and baggy jeans. According to TikTok, male manipulators tend to have a slightly grungey and indie-sleaze aesthetic. They’ll usually throw on a band t-shirt (probably of their favorite male manipulator musician, like TV Girl or Radiohead), baggy and wide-leg jeans, and well-worn skate shoes (think Vans or DC). They typically prefer thrifted or vintage pieces, too.
- Male manipulators often accessorize with tote bags, zip-up hoodies, rings, and wired headphones.
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He likes to skateboard, journal, and play music. Male manipulators often have similar interests, too. Lots of people claim these guys like to skateboard just for the aesthetic, which helps them attract women. They also like to participate in more soulful activities, like journaling, reading, drawing, and playing the guitar, as this upholds their sensitive and indie vibe.
- Some other common interests include:
  - Watching movies like Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, American Psycho, Interstellar, (500) Days of Summer, and The Wolf of Wall Street.
  - Collecting vinyl records.
  - Playing video games like Overwatch, League of Legends, and Roblox.
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He likes silly memes and emoticons. These guys tend to add a dash of whimsy and silliness to their aesthetic to help themselves appear softer and approachable. Male manipulators often like cat memes and specifically refer to them as “silly little guys.” They also tend to use cutesy emoticons, like “:3” and “:p”, instead of emojis.
- Curious if you’d be described as a male manipulator? Check out our Male Manipulator Quiz to find out!
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He says he’s a hopeless romantic who’s scared of women. According to many TikToks, a male manipulator often acts like he’s shy and unlucky in love, but says he still craves romance. However, this may just be an act to keep up his sensitive and troubled facade. In reality, these guys aren’t usually hurting for romantic prospects—they’ve often had a lot of relationships and are flirting with lots of people on the side.
- As for a male manipulator’s type, these guys often say they want a goth or loser girlfriend.

Section 3 of 7:

Where does the male manipulator meme come from?

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In 2020, X/Twitter user @shortc1rcuit made a tweet saying, “ladies and lads, what are some music ‘red flags’?? for example, radiohead, slowdive, the smiths. male manipulator music, if you will.” This sparked conversations about other artists that might be male manipulator music, as well as arguments against the bands being labeled as the term.^{[3]
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The “male manipulator” trend grew on TikTok starting in 2022. “Male manipulator music” slowly made its way to TikTok and started gaining popularity on the app in 2022. For instance, lots of women jumped on the trend and made videos poking fun at the fact that they genuinely like male manipulator music, so they can’t be manipulated. Users eventually broadened the term to just “male manipulator” and started making videos assigning a certain aesthetic and interests to this type of guy.
- For instance, TikTok videos describing male manipulator starter packs and how to dress like a male manipulator went viral.
- The trend is still popular on TikTok today. There was even a male manipulator contest in New York City in July 2025!

Section 4 of 7:

Are male manipulators actually manipulative?

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Being a “male manipulator” doesn’t actually mean a guy is manipulative. Just because a guy likes certain musicians, wears certain clothes, or has certain hobbies doesn’t mean he’s a manipulator. The term is just meant as a joke to point out potential red flags a guy might have that mean he’s manipulative—it doesn’t automatically mean he treats his partner poorly. Being manipulative isn’t based on someone’s interests, but is rather defined by their behavior.
- Of course, some guys labeled as male manipulators might actually be manipulative, as anyone has the capacity to be manipulative.
- There may be some truth to the fact that male manipulators tend to like certain things, as this type of guy is based on common red flags that real people who’ve dated manipulators have identified.
- However, it’s important to remember that these commonalities are just anecdotal—there’s no actual evidence or studies that say guys with these specific interests or hobbies are manipulators.

Section 5 of 7:

Concerns and Controversy about the Male Manipulator Meme

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Some believe “male manipulator” can negatively impact men. While “male manipulator” is meant as a joke, or at the very least isn’t meant to be taken totally seriously, some people worry that others do take the term at face value. They argue that stereotyping certain interests and hobbies that men have as manipulative can be hurtful and make them less willing to open up about themselves.
- When participating in the “male manipulator” meme, it’s important to remember that the media a guy consumes or the hobbies he participates in don’t actually make him a manipulator.
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Some are concerned that the meme downplays real manipulation. Manipulation is a real behavior in relationships that someone employs to control another person and get what they want.^{[4]
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Research source} Because “male manipulator” is used in a meme-y way, some people worry that it minimizes the actual manipulation that many people unfortunately experience.
- Plus, heavily associating manipulators with certain interests or hobbies might cause people to miss the real behavioral signs that they’re being manipulated.

Section 6 of 7:

How to Tell if Someone is Manipulating You

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They lie, make grand gestures, and refuse to take accountability. At their core, a manipulative person is someone who uses certain behavioral techniques to control and influence you to get what they want. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Lia Huynh, LMFT, some signs that someone might be a manipulator include:^{[5]
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Lia Huynh, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview}
- They make grand gestures of love and commitment early on in the relationship (aka love bombing).
- They try to control your behavior. This may start with innocent comments, like “I like when you do your hair this way,” and escalate into statements like “You have to dress this certain way to make me happy.”
- They guilt-trip you about your behavior or the choices you make.
- They lie and make excuses for their behavior. They may even deny that something happened, which can turn into gaslighting.
- They don’t take accountability for their actions and don’t show empathy for how their behavior makes you feel.
- They rationalize or even blame you for their wrongdoings. They may even project their behavior onto you and accuse you of doing something wrong.
- If you believe you’re being manipulated, talk to the person about their behavior. Use “I” statements to let them know how their actions make you feel and set boundaries about how you want to be treated.

Section 7 of 7:

Final Thoughts

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“Male manipulator” is a TikTok meme that can have real-world implications. “Male manipulator” is typically used in a lighthearted way online to describe common, red-flag-y interests men have that can signal they’re manipulative in relationships. Men are even in on the joke and use it to poke fun at themselves and the behaviors they see in other guys. However, some people believe the term is hurtful and offensive, as it stereotypes certain men’s interests and labels them as manipulative. Ultimately, the music a guy listens to or the clothes he wears have no bearing on whether he’s manipulative or not.
- The popularity of this term and the common behaviors people (mostly women) have identified might speak to some truth that certain behaviors in men can be a red flag that they’re manipulative.
- For example, the term might have gained popularity as a push back against the type of indie-leaning men who idolize characters like Tom from (500) Days of Summer. They might act sensitive and hopeless in love, but they are ultimately selfish and don’t listen to women or treat them like real people.