200+ Questions for Couples to Build Intimacy in a Relationship

Whether you’ve been dating someone for two weeks or two years, it’s important to learn more about each other in order to boost your intimacy and strengthen your connection. Below, you’ll find a comprehensive list of questions to ask your partner about their life, your relationship, and your future goals as a couple and as individuals. Plus, we’ve included tips and additional questions from professional matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders, so you can rest assured that your relationship is in good hands.

The Best Intimate Questions to Deepen Your Bond

What makes you feel most loved?
Over the last five years, how do you think you’ve changed?
What’s one of the most adventurous things you’ve ever done?
What are you proudest of when it comes to our relationship?
What’s the biggest dream you have that hasn’t come true yet?

Section 1 of 12:

Easy Intimate Questions for Couples

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Tackle the lighter topics with Level 1 intimacy questions. When you’re first getting to know a new partner, start off with some softball questions that help you to learn who they are and how to strengthen your relationship together. Here are some starter intimate questions that won’t require too much vulnerability on either side:^{[1]
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- Would you like to be famous? If so, what would you want to be famous for?
- If we could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose and why?
- When have you felt most proud of me?
- Is there anything you're afraid to accomplish that I can help you with?
- What makes you feel most loved?
- What’s a time when you felt really embarrassed?
- If we met again for the first time but with all of the memories from our relationship up to now, what would you want to say to me?
- What would your younger self think about our relationship?
- What’s your favorite memory of us?
- What do you think is the best part of our relationship?
- What differences do we have that make us complementary to each other?
- Can you think of a time when our differences helped us to understand each other?
- What part of our relationship do you think would be most important to teach to others?
- When did you last cry about something?
- If you could wake up tomorrow with one new skill or ability, what would you choose?
- What’s something you’d like to try but you’ve been too scared to?
- What’s the one thing about yourself that you’d most like to change?
- What do you dream about most often?
- Sanders suggests this question: If you could choose any other culture or ethnicity to belong to, which one would you choose and why?^{[2]
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  Lauren Sanders
  Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}

Section 2 of 12:

Deep Intimate Questions for Couples

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Level up with a more serious set of intimacy questions. Once you’ve become more comfortable with each other, you and your partner can ask each other deeper questions to really get to know one another deep down. Here are some more intense and intimate questions for your lover:^{[3]
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- How do you think your parents’ relationship shaped you?
- What does love look and feel like for you?
- If you could, what would you have changed about your childhood?
- What is one thing you’re afraid to tell anyone else?
- Who was the last person you cried in front of?
- What is the closest you’ve ever felt to me?
- What is your biggest regret?
- How and when did you realize that we’d make it as a couple?
- What is a fear of yours that we haven’t talked about before?
- What do you think is your biggest weakness?
- How can I best support you when you’re going through a tough time?
- What was something that your younger self lacked that you now know or can do?
- What have you learned about relationships from your parents?
- Can you describe a time when you felt truly alive?
- What do you think is the most important component of a family?
- Do you think it’s true that love is more than just a feeling?
- If you suddenly found out that you only had six weeks left to live, what would you want to do with the time you had left?
- Do you see yourself in our kids?
- Over the last five years, how do you think you’ve changed?

Section 3 of 12:

Fun Intimate Questions for Couples

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Mix in some fun with your intimacy-building with these questions. Who said building an intimate connection can’t be fun? Certainly not us! The fun questions below are just as silly, entertaining, and interesting as they are guaranteed to boost intimacy in your relationship. Try out any of these for a great night chatting with your boo:^{[4]
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- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- What song always gets stuck in your head?
- Would you like it if someone threw you a surprise party?
- If we could go back in time, what moment in our relationship would you like to relive together?
- What are three qualities about me that you were first attracted to?
- Which country do you think is most romantic?
- If you could choose anyone, living or dead, to have as a dinner guest in our home, who would you choose?
- What would be your dream vacation?
- If you could be any character in a book or movie, who would you choose to be?
- If someone gave you enough money to start a business with no strings attached, what type of business would you want to start?
- If you could be an Olympic or professional athlete, which sport would you choose and why?
- What’s one of the most adventurous things you’ve ever done?
- If you could’ve been an eyewitness to any historical event, which one would you choose?
- If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?
- When you listen to music, do you focus on the words or the instrumentation?
- Do you best learn new skills through seeing, hearing, or doing?

Section 4 of 12:

Juicy Intimate Questions for Couples

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Up the spice level with some flirty and intimate questions. Consider asking fun, intimate questions about your partner’s past romantic life, like the first time they fell in love and why things didn’t work out with that person, says Sanders. You might also ask them about their most recent break-up and why that relationship didn’t work out.^{[5]
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Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Or, try any of the juicy, spicy questions listed here:
- What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
- What’s the biggest heartbreak you’ve ever had?
- Do you believe that you can stay friends with an ex?
- What annoying habit of mine do you actually find cute?
- How do you describe me to your friends?
- What’s your love language?
- Have you ever been in love?
- What can’t you live without in your dream relationship?
- How do you feel about sexting?
- Have you ever been walked in on or walked in on someone?
- Why did your last relationship end?
- How would you define cheating?
- What are your red flags in a relationship?
- Am I your usual type?
- Have you ever ghosted someone?
- Do you believe in conspiracy theories?
- What’s your worst habit?
- Do you have any unpopular opinions?
- Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Section 5 of 12:

Intimate Questions About Your Relationship

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Take a deep dive into your life together as a couple with these Qs. If you’re asking questions to boost your intimacy as a couple, you’ll likely want to include your relationship in the discussion. Talking about the past, present, and future of your relationship is important to learn more about each other and improve the health of your relationship in the future.^{[6]
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Research source} Here are some of the best and most intimate questions to ask about your relationship:
- How do you think we’ve changed as a couple?
- How can we manage conflict better?
- What do you fear for us?
- What’d be the biggest dealbreaker for you in our relationship?
- What are you proudest of when it comes to our relationship?
- When we argue, do you prefer to make up quickly or mull over the issue?
- Do you remember what I was wearing when we first met?
- What made you decide that we belong together?
- What’s the one thing you’d like to know about me that I haven’t told you yet?
- What would you like to change about me?
- Do you refer to me as one of your best friends?
- What song always makes you think of me?
- What movie do you think best reflects our relationship?
- How do you think our careers affect our relationship?
- What do you remember most from when we were falling in love?
- What do you think makes our relationship strong?
- What three qualities do you most admire about me?
- If you could plan the perfect date with me, what would it include?
- Sanders suggests this question: What did you think about me after our first conversation?^{[7]
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  Lauren Sanders
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  Expert Interview}

Section 6 of 12:

Intimate Questions About Family & Childhood

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Dig into your partner’s most formative years and familial relationships. Sanders recommends asking your partner questions “about their family history and where they come from—these topics are always going to be important.”^{[8]
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Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} You might also ask about what they were like as a teen or young adult, continues Sanders. For example, ask them what their favorite subject was to learn about in high school or college.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Here are some more questions to try out:
- What is your very first memory?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- What was your favorite TV show when you were little?
- Who was your favorite teacher?
- Did you have an imaginary friend?
- Did you have a favorite toy?
- What’s your best memory from elementary school?
- Who was your childhood celebrity crush?
- Who was your first best friend?
- What was your first major disappointment as a kid?
- Is there anyone who’s not biologically related to you who you consider family?
- Which family member do you feel the most comfortable with?
- Who’s the funniest person in your family?
- Which family memory is most meaningful to you?
- What’s the best piece of advice you’ve gotten from a family member?
- For the holidays, do you prefer a big family gathering or a small dinner?
- What’s the biggest conflict you’ve ever had with your family?
- How much do you know about your ancestors? What’s the coolest thing you know about them?
- What’s your favorite meal that your parents made growing up?
- What was your favorite book or movie as a child? Why did you like it so much?
- Which of your parents do you think that you are most like?

Section 7 of 12:

Intimate Questions About the Future

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Find out how your partner envisions the future (and your part in it). If you’re dating someone seriously, you want to make sure you’re on the same page. “Ask them what they’re searching for in a relationship,” says Sanders. “From there, there are so many questions you could ask, but it’s always important to ask how they feel about children. Ask bout family goals…if they want to get married or if they just want a life partner….And then, additionally, ask where they see themselves in the next five years financially.”^{[10]
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Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Here are more future-focused questions to ask:
- What do you envision for your dream home?
- How far do you like to plan ahead?
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- What’s your dream future purchase?
- Where is your ideal place to live?
- How many children do you see yourself having?
- When it comes to money, do you prefer to spend or save?
- What’s the biggest dream you have that hasn’t come true yet?
- What country is #1 on your travel bucket list for the future?
- If you had a crystal ball and you could only ask one question about your future life, what would you ask it to tell you?
- What are the 10 most important things on your personal bucket list?
- What qualities of yours do you most hope to see in your kids?
- What qualities of mine do you most hope to see in our kids?
- When you were a kid, did you think about having your own kids one day? What did you imagine doing with them?
- If you had to guess, what do you think our kids will choose to do as a career?
- Where do you see yourself living when you retire?
- Would you ever live in another country?
- Do you plan on taking care of your parents when they’re older?
- Sanders suggests this question: What are your career goals?^{[11]
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EXPERT TIP

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Ask about future life goals, like where they want to be in 5 years. Make sure your goals are aligned. Are they similar or very far apart? If they’re far apart, what can you both do to get them where they need to be? Communicate about where you see things in the future and work together to make those dreams come true.

Section 8 of 12:

Intimate Questions About Likes & Dislikes

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Find out all of your partner’s favorite things. It’s important to know who your partner is and what things they enjoy most. You can ask them about their preferences on all types of topics, from their favorite ice cream flavor to their favorite place to travel to, says Sanders.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Build your intimacy and boost your connection with these questions on likes and dislikes:
- What’s your dream vacation?
- Who’s your favorite actor or actress?
- Who is your favorite president of all time?
- What’s your favorite item of clothing in your closet?
- What was your favorite band in high school? And now?
- What’s one of your lesser-known guilty pleasures?
- What does your perfect day look like?
- What happened on your best birthday ever?
- If you could eat whatever you want for an entire day, what would be on the menu?
- What’s your favorite time of day?
- What’s the worst meal you’ve ever had?
- What’s your least favorite sport to watch or play?
- What’s your least favorite holiday?
- Is there a color that you detest?
- What movie can you truly not stand?
- What’s your least favorite way to communicate—text, phone call, or FaceTime?
- What’s the meanest thing that anyone has ever said to you?

Section 9 of 12:

Intimate Questions About Sex & Intimacy

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Ask your partner how they feel about the physical intimacy in your relationship. Sex and physical intimacy are important parts of most romantic relationships, so don’t neglect this topic when it comes to improving your bond! Learning more about each other’s preferences, desires, and needs can improve the health of your relationship overall—not just in the bedroom.^{[13]
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Research source} Start slow with some of these sex-focused Qs:
- Is there something I do that always makes you feel loved?
- Do you have a secret preference you’d like to share with me?
- What’s a fantasy you have that you haven’t told me about you?
- Do you get more turned on by seeing me in a fancy, dressed-up outfit or a casual one?
- Do you think we (literally) sleep well together? Do I hog the blankets or do anything else that wakes you up?
- How do you like to show love?
- How do you like to be shown love?
- Out of the five senses, which is most sensual to you?
- What do you think is my sexiest feature?
- Is our relationship physical enough for you?
- How and where do you most like to be touched?
- Is there anything we haven’t tried that you’d like to do?
- What would make our sex life better in your eyes?
- How do you feel about foreplay?
- How important is sex to you?
- What song puts you in the mood?
- Do you prefer kissing or cuddling?

Section 10 of 12:

Intimate Questions About Self & Identity

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Get to know your partner better for who they are as an individual. It’s important for any person in a relationship to maintain their own sense of self and identity outside of the coupling. So, as you work on your connection as a couple, be sure to also understand who your partner is and what their innermost thoughts and feelings are.^{[14]
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Research source} Start by asking one of these questions about who your boyfriend or girlfriend is deep down:
- What achievement in your life makes you feel the best about yourself?
- What’s the greatest challenge that you’ve ever faced?
- Which physical feature of yours do you like the best?
- What’s your biggest insecurity?
- What do you think are your three best qualities?
- What is the hardest problem you have ever resolved?
- What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
- What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
- Which of your skills or talents do you think is the coolest or most impressive?
- What is your most prized possession?
- What bad habit of yours would you like to break?
- How do you like to relax and destress after work?
- How do you like to calm down when you’re feeling anxious?
- Do you prefer to cook an amazing home-cooked meal or hit your favorite restaurant?
- What do you need to feel safe and secure?
- If you didn’t have to work, what would you do with your life?
- What thing, object, or activity always brings you joy?
- If all of your friends were asked to describe you, which friend’s description would be most accurate and why?

Section 11 of 12:

Intimate Questions About Values & Beliefs

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Learn more about your partner’s beliefs and approach to life. Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend questions about their political views, opinions on different relationship issues, and general approach to how they navigate the world. It’s also “important to ask if they have any spiritual affiliation or if they are religious,” affirms Sanders. “Ask if they’re Christian, Jewish, Catholic, and whatnot.”^{[15]
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Expert Source

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Here are some other questions to ask in order to ascertain your partner’s overall beliefs:
- Do you believe that people are basically good or basically bad?
- Do you think that violence is ever justified?
- Do you believe in an afterlife?
- Do you subscribe to a particular religious denomination?
- Would you want our children to be baptized?
- Who did you vote for in the last election?
- Do you think politics are important or useful?
- If one of your friends betrayed you, would you forgive them?
- Do you think you would forgive a partner who’s cheated on you?
- Which public figure do you look up to the most?
- If you did a good deed, would you share it with others or keep it private?
- How much do you worry about climate change?
- What do you think is the best way to improve the world?
- Is it more important to you to be selfless or to look out for yourself before others?
- Would you be comfortable with lending a friend or family member a large sum of money?
- How do you feel is the best way to confront a problem?
- What three things in life could you not imagine living without?
- If your house was on fire but you knew that your family members and pets were safe, which things would you want to rescue from the fire and why?
- What five things are you most thankful for right now?

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Why It’s Important to Build Intimacy with a Partner

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Building intimacy can help you create a trusting and healthy bond. Having emotional intimacy with a partner means that you have a safe space within the relationship, which allows both parties to be vulnerable and share their deepest thoughts, fears, and desires. A strong sense of intimacy also helps couples to better trust each other and feel more overall satisfaction in a relationship. Each individual will be able to communicate more openly and honestly, building a deeper understanding of each other and creating even more intimacy over time.^{[16]
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- Intimacy in a relationship also has physical benefits, as well as mental and emotional ones. Physical touching and sexual activity can reduce stress, boost your immune system, naturally reduce pain, and reduce the chance of anxiety or depression.^{[17]
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