265+ Deep & Intimate Relationship Questions to Ask Your Partner

Looking to learn more about your partner and strengthen your connection? Asking intimate questions is the perfect way to build emotional intimacy and take your relationship to the next level. That’s why we’re providing the ultimate list of deep questions to ask your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. We also spoke with dating and relationship experts for advice on asking personal questions without crossing any boundaries.

Deep Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship

What about you feels the hardest to love?
What’s one small way I can be a better partner?
What recent experience made you feel closer to me?
Do you think it’s okay to tell white lies in a relationship?
How do you prefer to handle conflicts or disagreements?
Is there something from your past that still affects you today?
What do you think is the key to a happy and healthy relationship?

Section 1 of 10:

Deep Questions About Your Relationship

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Discover new sides of your relationship with these deep questions. If you want to feel close to your partner and deepen your connection, ask them if they’re happy with your relationship and if there’s anything you can do to improve it. Professional matchmaker Erika Kaplan says it’s important to learn about your partner’s needs since “people receive and give love in different ways.”^{[1]
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Erika Kaplan
Relationship Advisor

Expert Interview}
- What are your expectations of me?
- What made you fall in love with me?
- What activities do you enjoy doing with me?
- What’s one small way I can be a better partner?
- What about our relationship are you proudest of?
- What’s the title of this chapter in our relationship?
- What has our relationship taught you about yourself?
- What recent experience made you feel closer to me?
- Have I helped you change your mind about anything?
- How do I show you that I love you without telling you?
- Is there anything you’d change about our relationship?
- What do you think is our greatest strength as a couple?
- What can we do together to strengthen our connection?
- How do you prefer to handle conflicts or disagreements?
- How do you feel about the current state of our relationship?
- What’s the best gift I’ve ever given you? Material and immaterial.
- On a scale of 1-10, how open do you feel I am with you? Explain.
- What assumption did you make about me that turned out to be false?
- What’s the most important lesson a past relationship has taught you?
- What immediately attracted you to me? What attracted you more over time?
- What feelings are hard for you to communicate to me? How can I make it easier?

Section 2 of 10:

Deep Questions About Fears & Insecurities

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Learn about their fears and insecurities to support them better. Revealing this vulnerable information is one of the best ways to build emotional intimacy and better understand your partner. You can then work together to help them cope, leading to greater empathy and support. With that being said, ask these questions in a calm and private setting, and be prepared to share your responses, too.
- Do you compare yourself to others often?
- What about you feels the hardest to love?
- What’s something you’re scared to tell me?
- What scares you the most about our relationship?
- What’s something you often doubt about yourself?
- Have you ever been hurt in a previous relationship?
- When do you feel most vulnerable in our relationship?
- Do you enjoy compliments or struggle to accept them?
- What’s your biggest fear about being in a committed relationship?
- How can I make you more secure in yourself and in our relationship?
- Are there certain situations where your insecurities feel the strongest?
- Have your insecurities changed over time, or have they stayed the same?
- Do you ever worry that our differences might become an issue in the future?
- Is there anything I do, even unintentionally, that makes you feel more insecure?
- What’s something you wish you could change about the way you see yourself?
- Are there any insecurities from past relationships that you carried into this one?
- Do you ever feel like your insecurities hold you back from things you want to do?
- Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough for me or that I deserved someone better?
- Are there ever moments in our relationship where you feel insecure or unsure about how I feel about you?
- Do you have any insecurities about your physical appearance that affect your confidence in our relationship?

Section 3 of 10:

Deep Questions About Past Traumas

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Tread lightly when bringing up past trauma and difficult experiences. Discussing past trauma can foster trust and intimacy in your relationship, bringing you closer to your partner. However, your partner may not feel comfortable opening up to you about certain situations, and you shouldn’t pressure them to share if they aren’t ready. Dating coach and matchmaker Laura Bilotta says to “respect their boundaries and move on to the next question.”^{[2]
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Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview}
- What has helped you cope with or heal from your past?
- Do you struggle with trust because of past experiences?
- What’s the hardest experience you’ve ever been through?
- Do you have an easy or difficult time letting go of the past?
- What’s the hardest part about opening up about your past?
- Is there something from your past that still affects you today?
- When was the last time I hurt you, even if it was unintentional?
- How has your past shaped the way you approach relationships?
- Did you have a safe space growing up to express your feelings?
- Is there something you wish people understood about your past?
- Are there any unhealthy habits you developed due to your trauma?
- Are there parts of your past that you still struggle to make sense of?
- Are there boundaries you’d like to set when talking about your past?
- How can I be a better listener when you open up about difficult things?
- Are there any triggers I should know about so I can support you better?
- How do you think your trauma has affected the way you handle conflict?
- What’s something you wish you could unlearn from your past experiences?
- What are some signs that you’re struggling emotionally that I should look out for?
- Do you ever feel like your trauma defines you, or do you separate yourself from it?
- Have you ever felt like you couldn’t fully trust me because of something in your past?
- Do you believe healing means forgetting, or do you see it as learning to live with the past?

Section 4 of 10:

Deep Questions About Values & Beliefs

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Ask about their values and beliefs to gauge your compatibility. Learning about your partner’s core values, beliefs, and non-negotiables is crucial for building a strong and healthy relationship. Talking about these topics can help you work toward a shared vision and foster deeper trust and respect.
- What’s your definition of love?
- What’s your view on marriage?
- How important is family to you?
- How would you define cheating?
- Do you believe in soulmates or twin flames?
- What does emotional intimacy mean to you?
- What qualities do you admire most in others?
- Do you believe in forgiveness in a relationship?
- What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?
- How much quality time together feels right for you?
- What core values guide your actions and decisions?
- Do you think it’s okay to tell white lies in a relationship?
- How much personal space do you need in a relationship?
- If you could solve one problem in the world, what would it be?
- What do you think is the key to a happy and healthy relationship?
- How do you think responsibilities should be divided in a marriage?
- Are there any religious or spiritual beliefs that are important to you?
- How important is honesty and communication in a relationship to you?
- How important is it for you to have similar political views as your partner?
- Would you rather be cheated on and never know or cheat and have your partner find out?

Section 5 of 10:

Deep Questions About Goals & Dreams

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Dig into their goals and dreams to see if you’re on the same page. Matchmaker and dating coach Courtney Quinlan recommends “asking about future goals in life to make sure that you [and your partner] are aligned.”^{[3]
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Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} That way, you can “work together to make those dreams come true” or figure out if there needs to be some sort of compromise.^{[4]
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Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- What motivates you?
- How do you define success?
- What’s your biggest goal in life?
- What’s your dream job and why?
- What skill would you love to master?
- What’s one habit you’d like to break?
- What’s your biggest career ambition?
- What’s one goal you’re currently working on?
- What’s your biggest goal for the next 5 years?
- What project have you always wanted to start?
- What’s a new hobby or interest you’d like to try?
- What’s one thing you hope to achieve this year?
- If you could start any business, what would it be?
- Who’s been the most important mentor in your life?
- What would you do if you had unlimited resources?
- What’s a dream vacation you’ve always wanted to take?
- If you could design your ideal life, what would it look like?
- How do you handle setbacks when working toward a goal?
- What’s something you’ve always wanted to try, but haven’t yet?
- Are there any personal milestones you want to achieve before a certain age?

Section 6 of 10:

Deep Questions About Family & Childhood

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Bring up their family dynamic and childhood to deepen your bond. According to pro dating coach Lauren Sanders, “asking about their family history” is a great way to learn more about your partner.^{[5]
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Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Knowing this information can help you understand their communication style, conflict-resolution skills, and their thoughts on love and marriage. Just be mindful of their comfort level and respect their boundaries!
- What were you like as a kid?
- What’s your earliest memory?
- Are you closer to your mom or dad?
- Who’s your favorite family member?
- How did your family handle conflict?
- What role did you play in your family?
- Was affection common in your family?
- Did you feel safe and loved growing up?
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
- What did you love to do most as a child?
- Do you feel like your parents truly know you?
- Did you go through any phases as a teenager?
- Who was your role model growing up and why?
- How would you describe your childhood in one word?
- Do you have any childhood fears that stuck with you?
- How did your parents influence your views on relationships?
- Did you have a positive or negative high school experience?
- What’s something you wish you could tell your childhood self?
- How do you think your childhood influenced who you are today?
- What’s something about your family dynamic that you wish was different?
- Did your parents have high expectations for you? If so, how did that affect you?

Section 7 of 10:

Deep Questions About the Future

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Talk about expectations and future plans to get clarity in your relationship. Planning for the future together shows commitment and trust, ensuring that you and your partner have similar expectations for each other. You could ask how they feel about starting a family, where they see themself living, or what they envision for your relationship in the next 5 or 10 years. Here are some other serious questions to get a read on your relationship:
- How do you want to be remembered?
- Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
- What’s your biggest fear about the future?
- Do you have any fears about getting older?
- Where do you see yourself living in the future?
- What does a lifelong partnership mean to you?
- How can we keep the spark alive as we get older?
- How do you feel about the uncertainty of the future?
- How do you feel about caregiving for aging parents?
- How do you see our relationship evolving in the future?
- What’s something you hope you never lose about yourself?
- What do you think our biggest challenges will be in the future?
- If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
- If we have kids, how do you think our parenting styles will differ?
- On a scale of 1-10, how important is having kids to you? Explain.
- Do you see yourself retiring early or working as long as possible?
- How do you handle major life changes or unexpected challenges?
- How do you want to make sure we support each other in tough times?
- How do you want to handle financial stability and security in the long run?
- What’s something you hope to have accomplished by the end of your life?

Section 8 of 10:

Deep Questions About Life

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Explore your partner’s perspective on life with these revealing questions. No matter how long you’ve been with someone, there’s always something new and exciting to learn about them. These deep questions will encourage your partner to be vulnerable and share their outlook on life, helping you discover more about them than ever before.
- Are you afraid to die?
- When do you feel most alive?
- Can people ever really change?
- Do you think about death often?
- Do you believe in luck, fate, or destiny?
- Do you think a person can be born evil?
- What’s your biggest regret in life so far?
- What do you think is the purpose of life?
- Do you think money can buy happiness?
- What do you think happens after you die?
- What has become clearer to you with age?
- Do you think everyone has a purpose in life?
- What do you believe in that others might not?
- Has social media improved or impaired society?
- What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned in life?
- Would you rather have more time or more money?
- Would you rather save 100 strangers or one loved one?
- Is it important to forgive people who have wronged you?
- Do you believe there’s anything worth killing or dying for?
- If you only had one day left to live, how would you spend it?
- If you could only love or be loved, which one would you choose?
- Would you rather be able to look into the future or change the past?
- Would you rather know the cause of your death or the date of your death?
- If you could go back and change one decision in your life, what would it be?

Section 9 of 10:

Why You Should Ask Your Partner Deep Questions

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Asking deep questions can build trust and intimacy in your relationship. It allows you to understand your partner’s needs, feelings, and values on a deeper level, leading to a more fulfilling relationship. Sharing vulnerable information can also teach you the best ways to show love to your partner and determine how compatible you are. Here are some other reasons why you should ask deep questions:^{[6]
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- It builds trust and understanding. Listening to your partner shows that you value their thoughts and feelings, which can make them more likely to open up in the future.
- It creates a safe space. Asking deep questions encourages open and honest communication, allowing you and your partner to express your innermost thoughts without fear of judgment.
- It keeps the spark alive. Discovering new information about your partner can reignite your curiosity about them and spark engaging conversations, helping you maintain excitement in your relationship.
- It reveals core values and beliefs. Talking about serious topics, such as marriage, childhood, and past traumas, can help you understand your partner’s behavior and communication style on a more profound level.
- It enhances your communication skills. Deep conversations prompt you and your partner to actively listen to one another without interrupting or judging. This skill can be helpful when you’re making joint decisions or handling conflict.
- It promotes personal growth. When you ask about your partner’s goals, dreams, and future plans, you encourage them to reflect on their personal growth over the years. This can inspire them to become a better version of themself.
- It uncovers shared interests and ideas. Learning what your partner loves to do with you can help you plan fun activities and dates for the future. Additionally, sharing similar viewpoints on certain topics can build emotional closeness.

Section 10 of 10:

Frequently Asked Questions

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1
What’s the best way to ask your partner deep questions? Be patient, open-minded, and understanding when asking deep questions, and give your partner your undivided attention. Put your phone away, maintain eye contact when they speak, and follow up with an engaging question to make them feel valued. According to certified leadership and life coach Christina Stathopoulos, PCC, ACCC, you should “really listen to what they’re saying,” instead of “planning what you want to say next.”^{[7]
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Expert Source

Christina Stathopoulos, PCC, ACCC
Certified Leadership & Life Coach

Expert Interview}
2
How can you ask deep questions without crossing any boundaries? Set clear boundaries about what you’re willing and not willing to discuss with your partner, whether it’s personal trauma, past relationships, or family dynamics. If your partner doesn’t feel comfortable answering a question, don’t pressure them and move forward. You can also preface a touchy topic by stating, “It’s perfectly fine if you don’t want to open up about this right now.”^{[8]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.

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3
What are some signs that my partner isn’t ready for deep conversations? Your partner might fidget, avoid eye contact, cross their arms, change the subject, or give short answers if they’re not ready to answer deep questions. Pay attention to their body language to see if they look uncomfortable, and respect their boundaries by not pushing for an answer.^{[9]
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4
How often should I have deep conversations with my partner? There’s no set rule on how often you should have deep conversations with your partner, and it largely depends on your comfort level and relationship dynamic. Some couples crave regular, in-depth talks, while others allow these conversations to come up naturally in daily life. Do whatever feels comfortable for both you and your partner, whether it’s daily, weekly, or monthly.
5
What should I do if my partner is hesitant to answer certain questions? You should always respect your partner’s boundaries and avoid pressuring them to open up about things they aren’t comfortable talking about. You could support them and acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, “It’s okay if you’re not ready to share everything. Just know I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”^{[10]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.

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If you want to strengthen your relationship, you need to ask your partner deep questions—and prepare to answer them too! You can’t expect your partner to open up if you’re not willing to reciprocate, so make sure to participate in the conversation and provide more personal information about yourself.

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