160 Dark Humor Jokes to Make You Laugh Against Your Will

When life takes a dark turn, sometimes all you can do is laugh! Whether you’re looking for a sinister giggle about a frustrating boss or looking for shocking one-liners to flaunt your wit, we’ve got you covered. Read on for 160 dark jokes about family, jobs, relationships, and more that are tame and safe for work or a mixed audience. If you laugh, there might just be something a little wrong with you (but don’t worry, we laughed too!).

Our Favorite Dark Jokes

I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a home page.
I started crying when Dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
My grandfather complained that my generation relies too much on technology, so I unplugged his life support.
My wife ran off with my best friend last year. I still miss him.
Today, I asked my phone, “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Section 1 of 9:

Funny Dark One-Liners

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Use a clever one-liner to show off your wit (and morbid sense of humor). A one-liner is a super concise joke that goes right for the kill without a lot of setup. They’re easy to drop into casual conversations, so try sprinkling one of these degenerate quips into your next get-together to shock your pals into laughter.
- I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a home page.
- “I'm sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
- Happy 60th birthday. At last, you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!
- Dark humor is like food—not everyone gets it.
- The cemetery is crowded. People are just dying to get in!
- I know a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.
- I've heard that three out of five people suffer from a chronic disease. I guess two out of five people enjoy it.
- Did you hear about the elderly man who fell into a well? Apparently he couldn't see that well.
- I started crying when Dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
- I told my wife that she should embrace her mistakes. So, she gave me a hug.
- My husband told me to do whatever makes him happy. I'm going to miss him.
- My wife told me she wants another baby. I told her, “That's a relief. I don't really like this one anyway.”
- My husband is mad that I ruined our anniversary. I'm not sure how, I didn't even know it was today.
- Marriages are like algebra; When you look at your X, you can't help but wonder Y.
- I went to see my dentist and he warned me it was going to hurt. He ended up telling me he was having an affair with my wife.
- My boyfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale, so I gave him a loaf of bread and left him in the forest.
- Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
- I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

Section 2 of 9:

Funny Dark Puns

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Make a sick pun to add some lightheartedness to a dark premise. Telling a joke successfully is all about delivery, and making a funny pun is a great way to get away with some darker material. Use these twisted puns for inspiration if you’re dipping your toes into dark humor for the first time:
- When a kid burned down his house, his father watched, put an arm around his wife, and said, “That’s arson.”
- Stop elephant poaching. Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled.
- I recently won $3 million on the lottery and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. I now have $2,999,999.75.
- A man just stole my milk, butter, and cheese. How dairy!
- Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He's all right now!
- I wasn't close to my dad when he died, which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
- Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to meet so many new faces.
- I have a friend who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
- The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
- Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.
- The only thing that flat earthers fear is sphere itself.
- Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?
  When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
- A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
- Why did the man miss the funeral?
  He wasn’t a mourning person.
- What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
  You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny automobile.
- My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?” I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
- Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
- Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That’s the punch line.
- Why don't skeletons ever go trick-or-treating?
  Because they have no body to go with.
- My favorite Disney movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a hero with a twisted back story.

Section 3 of 9:

Funny Dark Knock-Knock Jokes

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Put a dark twist on a classic joke structure. Knock-Knock jokes tend to be fairly innocent, but who says you can’t add a sinister surprise? No one will suspect the dark humor waiting for them on the other side of the door with these jokes:
- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Howard.
  Howard who?
  Howard you like to be buried six feet under?^{[1]
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- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Cereal.
  Cereal who?
  Cereal killer!
- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Orphan.
  Orphan who?
  Not your parents!
- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Jude.
  Jude who?
  Jude the food before you swallow or you'll choke!
- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Robin.
  Robin who?
  Robin you! Give me all your money!
- Knock, knock.
  Who's there?
  I am.
  I am who?
  You don’t know who you are?
- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Your dad.
  But my dad’s dead.
  I know, just reminding you.
- Why did Sally fall off the swing?
  Because she had no arms.
  Knock, knock.
  Who's there?
  Not Sally.
- Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?...Who’s there? Oh, that's right, I don't have a house.
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
  To get to the ugly person’s house.
  Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  The chicken.

Section 4 of 9:

Funny Dark Dad Jokes

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Lean into your cheesy side with a dark and twisted dad joke. Dad jokes are classics—their groan-worthy (but still funny and surprising) punchlines keep us coming back for more! But not all dad jokes are clean for the kids. Take these morbid gags for example:
- When does a joke become a dad joke?
  When it leaves you and never comes back.
- My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
- Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
  Everywhere.
- What's red and bad for your teeth?
  A brick.
- What did the Titanic say as it sank?
  ”I'm nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!”
- How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
- I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was five.
- My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow!
- What's the difference between a hipster and a football player?
  A football player showers.
- A major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they're going to die.”
- What's the quickest way to get to the hospital?
  Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
- Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
  It was because of a face-off in the corner.
- What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph?
  Its butt.
- Why are friends a lot like snow?
  If you pee on them, they disappear.
- What do you call a dog with no legs?
  It doesn't matter what you call him, he won't come anyway.
- What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer's funeral?
  Not a word.
- I told my therapist that my husband and I have no chemistry. He didn't have a reaction.
- My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

Section 5 of 9:

Funny Dark Jokes about Family

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Ease family tensions with a sinister wisecrack (or make them worse). Family dynamics can be complicated and stressful—even when you all get along! A good laugh can help you get by, so take a look at these jokes about the dark side of parenting, kids, siblings, extended relatives, and family bonding.
- I was raised as an only child. It was very frustrating for my older sister.^{[2]
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- We treat our father like a god. We ignore him until we need something.
- I childproofed the house, but they still got in.
- I’d love to have kids one day. But that’s about as long as I can handle them.
- What do you call headphones that abandon their children?
  Dead Beats.
- My grandfather complained that my generation relies too much on technology, so I unplugged his life support.
- What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
  Neither can be found.
- What did the cow say to the leather chair?
  “Hi Mom!”
- I visited my childhood home and asked if I could come in and take a look at my old room. The homeowners slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.
- When my Uncle Frank died, he asked to be cremated and placed in his favorite mug. His last wish: To be Frank In Stein.
- My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
- My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
- Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
  Dad: “Call me George.”
- When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
- My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
- Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.
- Who makes the most money off of Father’s Day?
  Therapists.

Section 6 of 9:

Funny Dark Jokes about Marriage & Relationships

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Make light of the heavy side of relationships with a twisted quip. Relationships aren’t always fun and games, and sometimes, they can be downright stressful (even once they’re over!). Thankfully, the messy complexity of love is pretty relatable, and these dark jokes about dating, relationships, and married life are sure to be a hit.
- Why did the zombies get divorced?
  Their marriage was dead.^{[3]
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- Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterward.
- “Aren’t you wearing your ring on the wrong finger?”
  “Yes, I’m married to the wrong man.”
- My wife ran off with my best friend last year. I still miss him.
- Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade.
- Did you hear about the couple of bed bugs? They got married in the spring.
- Taking my husband’s name wasn’t a feminist act. I just don’t want anyone I went to high school with to find me.
- Any man getting married should forget his mistakes. There’s no reason two people should remember them in detail.
- What’s the difference between “incomplete “ and “finished”?
  A man without a wife feels incomplete. Once he’s married, he’s finished.
- What’s the difference between love and marriage?
  Love is blind. Marriage is eye-opening.
- When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
- Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
- “I was talking to my therapist and he goes, ‘You tend to pursue damaged people and try to help them.’ I was like, ‘You too.’”
- My boyfriend broke up with me because he said I was too mysterious. Or did he?
- Today, I asked my phone, “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
- They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
- My girlfriend’s birthday is in a week and she said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!” So I got her nothing.
- My boyfriend said to me the other day, “If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.” Apparently, getting stuck in traffic doesn’t count as “anything.”
- I just came across my girlfriend’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.”
- My wife says making love is even better on vacation. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Section 7 of 9:

Funny Dark Jokes about Work

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Get a grim guffaw from your coworkers with a joke about work life. It’s no secret that jobs are stressful (who thought working 40 hours a week was a good idea, anyway?). After a long day on the floor or at the office, share one of these dark jokes about working to blow off some steam and reset for your next shift.
- There are lots of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, none of them work.^{[4]
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- My boss said, “Have a good day!” So, I went home.
- To err is human; to blame others shows management potential.
- Why did the guy get fired from the calendar company?
  He took a day off.
- You know what they say about a clean desk?
  It’s a sign of cluttered drawers.
- Why did you leave your last job?
  The company relocated and didn’t tell me where.
- Getting a job at a paperless office is great until you have to go to the bathroom.
- I couldn’t work today because of an eye issue. I can’t see myself working here anymore.
- I’m famous for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work twice as hard when I’m on the team.
- When I was interviewed for a job, I was told I would start at $2,000 a month, and then after six months, I’d get $2,500 a month. I told her I would start in six months.
- The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
- As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
- The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.
- Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it on the lap of whoever’s bugging you.
- You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
- My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
- Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
- I always tell new hires, “Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.”
- My boss advised that I start my presentation with a joke. I took a picture of my paycheck for the opening slide.
- My boss calls me “the computer” because I fall asleep when unattended for 15 minutes.

Section 8 of 9:

Truly Twisted Funny Dark Jokes for Adults

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Send your friends’ jaws to the floor with these twisted jokes for grown-ups. If you need a joke that’s a little more risqué or edgy to tell at your next party, we’ve got you covered. Check out this list of dark jokes for adults to make your pals cackle (and wonder how exactly your mind got so warped).
- Patient: “Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.”
  Doctor: “Don’t worry. Mine too.”
- What do you call an inexpensive circumcision?
  A rip-off.
- Want to know how to make a legit Caesar salad?
  Stab the lettuce 23 times.
- I don’t have a carbon footprint. I drive everywhere.
- Cremation is my final plan to get a smokin’ bod.
- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
  They taste funny.
- I was shocked when I found out my hairdryer wasn’t waterproof.
- You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You do need one if you want to go skydiving twice.
- What is yellow and can't swim?
  A dead goldfish.
- I'll never forget my dad's last words, “Erase my search history, son.”
- Wife: “I'm pregnant.”
  Husband: “Hi pregnant, I'm dad.”
  Wife: “No, you're not.”
- I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
- I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
- If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.
- I have a joke about trickle-down economics; however, 99% of you will never get it.
- The other day, I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They're right behind you.”
- My family is like a software update. Every time I see them, I think, “not now.”
- My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care.
- Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
- My therapist told me I tend to go after damaged people because I think I can help them. I replied, “You, too.”
- Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
- What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
- Never break someone's heart; they only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
- What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
  The wheelchair.
- What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas?
  No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
- “I work with animals,” the guy says to his Tinder date. “That's so sweet,” she replies. “I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?” “I'm a butcher,” he says.
- Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
- I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
- Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
- I told my psychiatrist that I’d been hearing voices. He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Section 9 of 9:

Why are dark jokes funny?

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1
Dark humor makes difficult or taboo subjects feel more approachable. A joke or a laugh about something tragic or depressing allows us to feel better in challenging situations. It’s a way to make heavy topics feel lighter, and therefore easier to deal with. Shocking someone into laughing can be contagious, too, allowing more people to join serious conversations and bond with others. Other times, a dark joke can simply be a coping mechanism to help you get through a hard time.^{[5]
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- Some studies even suggest that those who use dark humor are viewed as more intelligent and trustworthy!^{[6]
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However, not everyone finds dark jokes funny. Dark humor topics, like death or violence, can be triggering, offensive, or just plain distasteful to some people. Ultimately, you can’t predict who’s going to respond well to a dark joke and who’s going to take offense. To avoid an awkward situation, it’s best to save your darkest jokes for close friends and family members who know you have good intentions (and who you know will respond well to some twisted humor).