How do you make new friends as an adult?
07/28/25 4:36pm
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Making new friends is a skill anyone can get better at - we just have to practice. Start with low-stakes conversations wherever you go. What’s your dog’s name? How long have you lived here? What’s it like for you? Practice connecting with people through low-pressure conversations.
When you find someone you want to hang out with, suggest a specific time, date, and place. Getting specific brings ease to the relationship and makes it easier for them to say yes.
Focus on finding “want matches”—people who align with how you want to show up in relationships. For example, if you want more depth and deep conversations in your friendships, but someone else likes to keep things more casual, that might not be a “want match.” Same if you want a friend who checks in every week, but they want less consistent communication. Neither person is wrong; it just may not be a “want match.” Find the people who want a similar level of communication, effort, and closeness. They are out there, waiting for you to find them.
Expect it to feel awkward or uncertain at first. That doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong; it means you’re human and brave enough to try something new.
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When you find someone you want to hang out with, suggest a specific time, date, and place. Getting specific brings ease to the relationship and makes it easier for them to say yes.
Focus on finding “want matches”—people who align with how you want to show up in relationships. For example, if you want more depth and deep conversations in your friendships, but someone else likes to keep things more casual, that might not be a “want match.” Same if you want a friend who checks in every week, but they want less consistent communication. Neither person is wrong; it just may not be a “want match.” Find the people who want a similar level of communication, effort, and closeness. They are out there, waiting for you to find them.
Expect it to feel awkward or uncertain at first. That doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong; it means you’re human and brave enough to try something new.
To make friends as an adult, you have to accept yourself. Acknowledge your quirks, flaws, and strengths, then work on becoming your best self. Once you’ve built some confidence, put yourself in new environments. Most friendships form when you engage in a hobby and connect with other people who are doing the same thing. It rarely works the other way around—when you make friends first and then go do the hobby.
Even if it’s scary or you’re introverted, go take that Muay Thai class, join that book club, or volunteer. When you show up authentically, the right people will find you. I also want to acknowledge that making friends as an adult is hard. You will lose friends, and that’s okay. It just means you’re growing in a different direction as them.
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Even if it’s scary or you’re introverted, go take that Muay Thai class, join that book club, or volunteer. When you show up authentically, the right people will find you. I also want to acknowledge that making friends as an adult is hard. You will lose friends, and that’s okay. It just means you’re growing in a different direction as them.
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