Best questions to ask to know someone better?
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Think about what you already know about the person and what they've told you in past interactions, then ask questions about those things. Maybe they mentioned a new job or that they're building a new house, or even a medical issue. So, for example, if the last time you saw them they said that their daughter was about to start up in a soccer league, you can make a point to ask them something like, "How is Sarah liking soccer?"
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Here are some thoughtful and deep questions to ask someone to get to know them better:
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- If you could visit any place in the world, where would it be and why?
- What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?
- What was the last thing you read?
- What’s the funniest moment you’ve experienced?
- Who do you look up to, and why?
- What's a skill you're interested in learning?
- Do you have any pets?
- What’s your go-to karaoke song?
- What was your favorite age growing up?
- What goal are you working toward right now?
If you want to get to know someone better - whether through small talk or in a situation where you are meeting new people (e.g. dinner party, networking event, etc) try the following...
1. Be present. If you are looking at other conversations or people, you lose the chance to really connect with what you are talking to.
2. Begin with curiosity and open questions.
Use open questions that seek out a longer response than a simple yes/no answer. For example, How are you finding this event? Instead of Do you like this event?
Ask questions that anchor from a point of shared connection. For example, at a friend's party you might ask How did you meet so-and-so (i.e. your shared friend)
Use your experience as a possible gateway of shared connection. For example, if you are nervous at a networking event, go to someone who also looks nervous and say something like - "I always feel a little awkward at the beginning of these events - how are you finding it so far?
3. Listen actively & Engage from there
This means listen to understand instead of waiting for your turn to speak. Actively engage with non-verbal cues (e.g. nodding, smiling) and use what you hear to engage more deeply in the conversation, for example
Ask clarifying questions - You just said __________ would you help me understand what that means?
Notice changes in a person's emotions or affect - for example, if the person you are speaking with sounds more excited about something (e.g. Oh, how I loved that trip), use that as an opportunity to ask specifically about the trip (e.g. It sounds like it was an amazing trip, would you tell me more about it?)
Follow your curiosity - when they speak about something that sounds interesting to you, inquire further. E.g wow, you said you work as a marine biologist, that sounds very interesting. Would you tell me a little more about what you do day to day?
Once the conversation gets going, it usually becomes easier to carry on.
Here are a few of my favorite conversation starters.
Personal:
What brought you here today?
What are you interested in these days?
What is one of the most memorable experiences you've had?
Where's your favorite place to travel?
How do you know _______ (insert shared connection)?
Networking:
What type of work do you do?
What do you wish more people knew about your job/industry?
What is the best part of your day?
What is one of the most memorable times in your career?
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1. Be present. If you are looking at other conversations or people, you lose the chance to really connect with what you are talking to.
2. Begin with curiosity and open questions.
Use open questions that seek out a longer response than a simple yes/no answer. For example, How are you finding this event? Instead of Do you like this event?
Ask questions that anchor from a point of shared connection. For example, at a friend's party you might ask How did you meet so-and-so (i.e. your shared friend)
Use your experience as a possible gateway of shared connection. For example, if you are nervous at a networking event, go to someone who also looks nervous and say something like - "I always feel a little awkward at the beginning of these events - how are you finding it so far?
3. Listen actively & Engage from there
This means listen to understand instead of waiting for your turn to speak. Actively engage with non-verbal cues (e.g. nodding, smiling) and use what you hear to engage more deeply in the conversation, for example
Ask clarifying questions - You just said __________ would you help me understand what that means?
Notice changes in a person's emotions or affect - for example, if the person you are speaking with sounds more excited about something (e.g. Oh, how I loved that trip), use that as an opportunity to ask specifically about the trip (e.g. It sounds like it was an amazing trip, would you tell me more about it?)
Follow your curiosity - when they speak about something that sounds interesting to you, inquire further. E.g wow, you said you work as a marine biologist, that sounds very interesting. Would you tell me a little more about what you do day to day?
Once the conversation gets going, it usually becomes easier to carry on.
Here are a few of my favorite conversation starters.
Personal:
What brought you here today?
What are you interested in these days?
What is one of the most memorable experiences you've had?
Where's your favorite place to travel?
How do you know _______ (insert shared connection)?
Networking:
What type of work do you do?
What do you wish more people knew about your job/industry?
What is the best part of your day?
What is one of the most memorable times in your career?
Instead of just jumping from question to question, let the other person's answer guide the conversation. Really listen to what they're telling you and prepare for follow-up questions that you could ask about what they're saying. It'll keep you so much more engaged in the conversation if you're thinking about ways to expand upon what they're saying and ask them to give you more details.
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Asking questions is a great way to get to know someone, but you can make it more engaging by guessing through observations and using your imagination. So, for example, instead of saying "Where did you grow up?" you might say, "I'm going to guess where you grew up, based on how you behave, or your mannerisms, or your accent." By turning it into a guessing game, it becomes a lot more engaging.
Then, you can ask follow-up questions. If they say, “Oh, actually, I'm from Swarthmore, Pennsylvania. That's where I grew up," then they can say, “Oh, what was it like there?” Or, “What were you like as a child?” And then you can just go deeper into who they are that way, because the point is to really make a connection with the person.
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Then, you can ask follow-up questions. If they say, “Oh, actually, I'm from Swarthmore, Pennsylvania. That's where I grew up," then they can say, “Oh, what was it like there?” Or, “What were you like as a child?” And then you can just go deeper into who they are that way, because the point is to really make a connection with the person.
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