How to Date a Twin

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: October 15, 2024

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Dating an identical twin can add a little more complication to an otherwise ordinary relationship, depending on the closeness of the twins and their willingness to play a few pranks on you to make it difficult to tell them apart. And while some parents of twins can barely tell them apart, how will you manage? Or will you become attracted to both twins? Dating a twin can lead to some very awkward moments, to say the least, so here are some handy steps to help your dating experience with a twin run smoothly.

1

Mark your territory.

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Ask your twin date to stand out if you have trouble telling the two apart. Ask them to wear a specific necklace or hat, or something else that makes tasty humor. If that doesn't work or if they won't cooperate, distinguish and focus on a unique feature. Birthmarks, scars, and other features such as a laugh or twitch make each person different from another, including their twin.
- Note that it won't take you very long when being around both twins to know who is who and to be able to tell them apart easily.

2

Avoid making the other twin feel like a third wheel.

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Twins usually have a better special bond than regular siblings.^{[1]
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Research source} So when you come into the picture, the twin may feel guilty by leaving the other one behind or alone.
- Instead of feeling like you need to be around the second twin all of the time, organize specific events to go on a double date, or create group get-togethers.
- You might like to ask one of your friends to spend time with the other twin. They might even start dating one of them!
- And when you're alone with the two of them, interrupt their physical closeness by putting yourself in between them.

3

Focus on the "main" subject.

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It's not wrong of you to be physically drawn to both of them. But your partner probably doesn't appreciate you dabbling with and eyeing their double.
- Remember to treat your twin date the same as a single birth person. What would be challenging, hurtful, or inappropriate in that situation remains the same for dating a twin.

4

Put your foot down on any tricks.

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Some twins may think it's funny to play tricks on their significant other. Never stand for any of this.
- One response to trickery might be: Secretly brand your beau with a mark without them knowing. Kiss their cheek while wearing red lipstick, for example, put a small sticky dot on their top, or even give them a hickey. Then if they come back without the mark, you'll know the're Tweedle-dum not Tweedle-dee and you can call an end to the pranking.
- Or simply voice your dislike of any such pranking.

5

Know your own boundaries.

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Consider whether or not extreme closeness between twins is a problem for you or is something that you can live with. Your presence won't break that bond, so learning to deal with it is your best strategy. If it doesn't work for you, that's a sign to draw the dating to an end.
- As with any dating, check your own emotions and feelings about being with your twin date as a person in their own right.
- Consider how many people of single birth have a problem with clearly defining who they are in life. If you wouldn't normally date a person who has issues with self boundaries, then your twin date's closeness with their twin will probably become a cause of concern for you.
- If you find one twin is very protective of the other twin, even when you are around, and tells you to "take care of my baby sister well, or else", or "treat my brother properly", this could be a warning signal that the protectiveness will spoil your relationship. Talk to your twin date about it and decide how you feel after hearing the answers.
- Constantly fighting over the presence of a twin in your dating life is a warning sign. If your twin tells you that their twin will always come first in their life, this signals that the twin hasn't managed to separate their needs and future journey from their win. It might require more time, or you might consider moving on.

6

Avoid making assumptions about twins.

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As well, not all twins get along, or have an intense level of closeness, in just the same way that some single birth siblings don't get along well. The best thing to do when dating a twin is to put the assumptions aside and look to your own feelings about the twin you are dating.

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Tips

It's a good idea to have a talk about the ground rules for information that is confidential about you and your dating relationship. Many twins cross that line without thinking, so drawing attention to it up front can alert your date to topics that you don't want shared with the twin.

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Don't be afraid to ask your twin date for confirmation of things that have happened between the "two of you" if you're not sure. For example, if your date's twin tries to pick a fight with you or plays a nasty joke on you, and you're worried that it was your date, talk it through.

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Warnings

Mutual dislike between you and twin date's twin can make things very uncomfortable for your date. Try to sort it out.

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If you can't recognize your date, he/she can get really hurt. Would you like if your girl/boyfriend didn't care if she was dating you or your best friend?

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