What to Do when Your Long Distance Boyfriend Is Sad

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: March 4, 2024 References

Long-distance relationships can be challenging, especially if your boyfriend is having a tough day. Don’t worry—even if you can’t comfort him in person, there are still plenty of ways you can be there for him. If your boyfriend is having a bad day, try cheering him up with a thoughtful gesture. If he’s struggling with something serious, like long-term depression, there are still plenty of ways you can provide support and comfort.

Here are 14 ways you can cheer up your boyfriend even when you’re far apart.

1

Spend time together every day.

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Quality time with you is a great cure for the blues. Set aside time each day for one another—this might be a phone call, a video chat, or some other activity.^{[1]
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Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview} A daily, intimate routine can give you both something to look forward to and might give his mood a little boost.^{[2]
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- For instance, you might video chat every night from 7:00 to 9:00 PM.
- Reader Poll: We asked 605 wikiHow readers to tell us what they would do to help their man relax if he's sad, and 59% agreed that taking him for a walk is the best thing you can do to reduce his stress; you two can always FaceTime while you take a stroll around your neighborhoods! [Take Poll]

2

Write a letter.

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A love letter is a beautiful, poetic way to show you care. Write out all of your feelings—let him know that’s he in your thoughts, and that you care about him a lot. Emphasize that you can’t wait to see him soon and that you’re always there for him if he needs you. You can make the note extra personal by including a photo of you both or another special memento, like a promise ring.^{[3]
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- Getting a letter from you in the mail is sure to cheer him up.

3

Create a photo album.

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Log onto a digital photo website, like Vistaprint or Shutterfly. Upload some of your favorite photos of you both together, and compile them into an album. Then, send the finished product to your boyfriend directly—photo companies print a physical copy and mail it to his home.^{[4]
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4

Play with pets virtually.

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Petcube is an app that lets you “visit” shelter animals in real-time. Through the app, you can even play with the pets! Puppies and kittens are the perfect pick-me-ups after a rough day.^{[5]
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5

Schedule a virtual movie night.

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A fun movie can help take his mind off things. Websites like Kast or Synaptop are great ways to watch a movie at the same time, even if you’re in different locations. Pick a movie that you know he’ll really like—it might be a heart-racing action flick, a light comedy, or something else entirely.^{[6]
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- Togethertube and Gaze are great programs you’d rather kick back and watch some YouTube videos.

6

Play online games together.

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Cheer him up with a relaxed game night. Log onto a multiplayer game site like Pogo or Yahoo Games—these sites have tons of multiplayer games to choose from, like Yahtzee, Scrabble, and Plants vs. Zombies. You might also prefer an ongoing game, like Draw Something or Words with Friends, which you can play whenever you have a spare second.^{[7]
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- If you both have the same video game system, you can play multiplayer games that way! For instance, if you both have a Nintendo Switch, you might play Mario Kart or Mario Party together.

7

Download a couple’s app.

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Couple’s apps are a great way to stay in sync with your boyfriend. Create special photo albums with the app Between, or coordinate your schedule’s with the SimplyUs app. For a little more intimacy, download the Couple app, which gives you a special place to chat and catch up.^{[8]
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- The Couple app has a fun “ThumbKiss” feature, where you and your boyfriend’s phones vibrate after you touch your screens simultaneously.
- Your boyfriend might not feel as sad if he has a creative way to spend time with you.

8

Send a care package.

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Send him some of his favorite treats to let him know you care. Pick up your boyfriend’s favorite snacks, along with a handwritten note, pictures, and other mementos. You can send a big care package, or divide the gifts and treats into smaller portions—this might help cut back on shipping costs.^{[9]
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- Your note might say something like, “I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling down. I hope this package can brighten your day!”

9

Order delivery to his home.

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He can enjoy his favorite food and know you’re thinking of him. Log onto a third-party delivery app, like UberEats, DoorDash, Postmates, or Grubhub. Enter your boyfriend’s address, and see what restaurants deliver in his area. Then, order him one of his favorite foods—enjoying a delicious meal is sure to cheer him up!^{[10]
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- Try to order food when you know your boyfriend will be home—that way, it won’t sit outside for too long.
- Send flowers to his home for a more long-lasting memento; that way, he can place the flowers in a vase and enjoy them for days to come. Floral chains like 1-800 Flowers, Teleflora, or From You Flowers are great options to choose from.^{[11]
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10

Give him an I.O.U.

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An I.O.U is a promise that you’ll make more happy memories in the future. Mail him a note, promising that you’ll do something fun together the next time you visit. Your “I.O.U” might be a trip to a fancy restaurant, tickets to his favorite sports team, or something else that he’ll really enjoy.^{[12]
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- You might promise to buy him tickets to a concert by his favorite band, or promise to marathon his favorite TV show with him.
- During COVID-19, some of your I.O.U options might be a bit limited.

11

Plan a future vacation.

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A vacation gives him something to look forward to. Brainstorm some places that you’d really like to visit together. You might plan a tropical beach getaway, or create a dream trip to a foreign country. Scheduling a fun trip in the future is a great way to get your partner looking on the bright side of things.^{[13]
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- If you and your boyfriend like outdoor activities, you might plan a weeklong camping trip or a vacation to the mountains.
- During COVID-19, your travel opportunities might be limited—but you can still plan for the future!

12

Check in with him frequently.

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A listening ear can be a big help if your boyfriend is struggling with depression. Remind him that you’re there to listen if he wants to share how he’s feeling. Try to check in at least once a day, so he knows that he’s not alone.^{[14]
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- Talking with someone about depression can be really tricky. Try asking questions with empathy, instead of making comments like “just cheer up” or “snap out of it.”

13

Encourage him to get extra help.

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Therapy can be a big help if your boyfriend is feeling depressed. Let your boyfriend know that you’ll always be there for him, but that he might feel even better if he shares his thoughts and feelings with a mental health professional. Remind him that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help, and that you’ll support him every step of the way.^{[15]
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- You could say, “I’m really worried about you, and I think talking with someone could be a big help. I can help you find a good therapist, if you’d like.

14

Don’t be a problem-solver.

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Providing support is much more important than providing a solution. Knowing your boyfriend is depressed can be really overwhelming, and it’s great that you want to help. Unfortunately, there’s no magic solution or pep talk you can give that will fix how he’s feeling. Instead, focus on providing unconditional love and support as he works through his issues.^{[16]
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- You might say something like, “I’ll be here with you every step of the way, no matter what you’re going through.”

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I deal with sadness in a long distance relationship?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Make sure you keep open communication the whole time. Schedule times where you can call, text, or video chat with one another.

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Question

How do you stay connected in a long distance relationship?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Make sure you're interacting with each other every day. Schedule video dates, phone calls, or text exchanges to help keep you connected.

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Thank you for your feedback.
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