How to Start Texting a Girl on Facebook Messenger

A pro dating coach shares how to start a chat and keep it going

Written by John Keegan | Edited by Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: August 26, 2025 Fact Checked

It happens all the time. You saw a girl on Facebook or Instagram and you felt like you just had to get to know her, but you're not really sure how to start a conversation. After all, you want to seem cool and interesting without coming across like you're trying too hard. Never fear, because we're here to help! Keep reading to learn how to start chatting with your crush in a way that feels really natural, with expert tips from professional dating coach John Keegan.

What should you say to a girl on Messenger?

Dating coach John Keegan says your opening message should let her know how you stumbled across her profile and what drew you to her. (“Hi! I saw that we had mutual friends and I noticed your beautiful smile.”) Ask her open-ended questions, discuss shared interests, and ask if she wants to meet up in person.

1

Mention how you came across her profile.

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If you don't know her in real life, give her a little context. Maybe she popped up in your suggested friends, or maybe you saw something she posted on your feed while scrolling. You might even have mutual friends. However you found her, it can help to include this in your initial message so she doesn't think the message is totally out of the blue. Keegan suggests that you lead with something like, “Hey, I noticed you had a longboard. And I thought you were cute. And I wanted to say hi.”^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Here are some other potential opening lines:
- Try saying something like "Hey Meaghan! Facebook listed you as a suggested friend and I saw we know some of the same people. You seem really cool from your profile and I wanted to introduce myself!"
- You might also say, "Hi Kat, a friend of mine shared your artwork to their page and I just had to meet you!"
Meet the wikiHow Expert

John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker with over 15 years of professional experience helping people find love in the USA and abroad.

2

Let her know what drew you to her.

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Think about what it was that caught your attention. Do you have the same taste in memes? Like the same shows? Or maybe you just thought she had an amazing vibe. Don't go overboard with the flattery right away—that can seem kind of intense over text. However, a short, sincere compliment can help her understand why you're reaching out. Keegan encourages that you “try to be specific” because “there's a reason you like them” and they should know what that is!^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- You could say something like, "You seem like you have an awesome sense of humor—I love that!"
- Or you might say, "You're really cute and I just had to say hi."

3

Ask a question about one of her interests.

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Scope out her profile and find out what she likes. Then, use that to spark a conversation. It's a natural way to get her talking, and it will give you a chance to get to know her better. Keegan explains that noticing and asking is a great tactic. He suggests you say something along the lines of, “I noticed you travel a lot. What's your favorite place? What did you do last year? Or what's the place you're dying to get back to?”^{[3]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} You could also ask the following questions:
- "I noticed you're a vegan. What's your favorite vegan spot in the city?"
- "It looks like you travel a lot. Is there anywhere you're really excited about going next?"
- "Where did you get those amazing vintage Jordans you're wearing in that one picture?"
- "Where do you like to go on the weekends?"
- Reader Poll: We asked 127 wikiHow readers: what’s the best way to connect with a potential date via text or online messaging? 52% said they had the best luck when discussing common interests and hobbies. [Take Poll] So when in doubt, fall back on questions about your potential shared interests—for example, if you’re a big reader, ask about the last book they read.

4

Talk about something you have in common.

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This is a natural conversation starter. Has she posted recently about anything you're really into? Maybe the two of you both posted pics from the same restaurant. Or maybe you know a lot of the same people. If you can find anything in common with her, mention it early in the conversation.
- Say something like, "I saw you were FB friends with my cousin Kaylee. How do you guys know each other?"
- Or try saying, "I thought I was the only person in the whole city who loved anchovy AND pineapple on my pizza. We have to be friends!"

5

Send her a picture of something interesting.

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Skip the selfies and show her something you've seen or done. You can never go wrong with pictures that show her what you do in your free time, like skating with your friends or throwing epic movie nights. Bonus points if you can tie it into your conversation. For instance, if you're talking about artists you like, Keegan says to “send her a picture” from the last exhibit you went to, for example.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- If the conversation turns to travel, you might share a shot of a great view or a cool building you saw on your last trip.
- Don't have any cool pictures to share? Try sharing a selfie sticker as a fun way to react to whatever she's saying.^{[5]
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- You could also send memes or short videos that you like.
- Reader Poll: We asked 219 wikiHow readers if they like being sent memes 83% said yes. [Take Poll] You heard it here first—it turns out that a majority of people really like receiving your favorite memes and funny TikToks, so this is a good strategy to use when messaging a girl.

6

Link her to a relevant article or event.

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Share something that relates to the conversation or her interests. If you're scrolling your news feed and you come across a story that reminds you of this girl, share it with her in Messenger! The same goes for events that are coming up in your area. You could even use it as a subtle hint that you should meet up. For example, if there’s a musical artist or band coming to town, and you’ve seen photos of her at their shows before, linking her to share the concert and venue info might just entice her to invite you along next time.
- If she's really into anime, you might share a story that mentions a new release coming to Netflix.
- If she loves a certain food or brand of food, let her know if the company is launching a new snack, condiment, or dish.

7

Play a game together in Messenger.

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Messenger has a lot of fun games you can play in-app. You can play games on Facebook Messenger like Words with Friends, Snake, 2048, and Pac-Man. On IG, you can play games like Flappy Bird, Racing Bike, or Jumping Robot. Send her an invite and see if she's interested in a few rounds. It can be a fun, low-key way to hang out without the pressure of keeping up a conversation.^{[6]
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- Say something like, "Want to play Jumping Robot for a few minutes before I start my homework?"
- Try turning it into a fun challenge by saying something like, "Wanna play a round of Words with Friends? Loser has to post an awkward selfie and leave it up for 30 minutes!"

8

Share things from your life.

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Let her get to know more about you. Talk about something cool you did at work or a recent accomplishment you're proud of. Or, mention upcoming plans you have, like going to a concert. If you give her a glimpse into how you spend your time, she'll be more likely to see you as an interesting, well-rounded person who happens to be reaching out on Messenger. According to Keegan, sharing mundane things can actually help bring you two closer. Telling her, “I had a great meeting at work today, looks like it's gonna turn into something important,” or “I just finished writing the first page of my new book, and I feel great about it,” are both great ways to let her in a bit more.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- You might say, "I'm going rock climbing tomorrow with my friends. I'll let you know if I survive!"
- Or, say something like, "What are you up to this weekend? My friend Bri is coming over and we're going to binge season 2 of Yellowstone."

9

Ask follow-up questions to build on what she's saying.

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Keep the thread of the conversation going. Jumping around from topic to topic can make it seem like you're not really listening to her. Instead, ask questions to learn more about what she's saying, and include some of your own insights or experiences that show you can relate. Keegan says that this reinforcement of your interest and empathy is key: “It impresses her to notice that you're listening.”^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- If she's talking about having a fight with her sister, for instance, you might say, "Man, that's tough. My brother is my best friend, but we get into it once in a while, too."
- If she mentions work, ask something like, "What do you do?" or "What's your favorite thing about your job?"

10

Match the energy of her texts.

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Gauge how interested she is and respond accordingly. If she's sending you back-to-back messages, using exclamation points and emojis, and asking you follow-up questions, congratulations— she's probably into the conversation (and you). However, if there are long pauses between messages or you're just getting two-word answers to your questions, she could be busy, or even uninterested in talking to you. In that case, it's best to give her some space. Keegan warns that “you never want to appear needy.”^{[9]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Give her time to respond to your messages. If she doesn't answer, it's okay to send one follow-up message later on, but if she doesn't answer that either, move on.
- If she says she's busy or she has to go, wait a few days before you message her again.

11

Ask her if she wants to meet up in person.

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Pick somewhere based on her interests. If your Messenger conversation is going well, try taking it offline! Keegan adds that paying her a thoughtful compliment when you ask to meet up can really tip the scales in your favor: “I really [encourage] giving them a reinforcing compliment, or a validation based on something that you appreciate about them.” For instance, you might say, "Hey, beautiful. Do you want to grab dinner at that Thai place you said you liked? Maybe Friday at 7:30?" Or, “Hey, my friends are having a party on Saturday night and I’d love for them to get to know how warm, genuine, and smart you are, like I have. Would you like to come?”^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- If she doesn’t feel comfortable meeting up, respect her decision. It’s possible that she may not feel comfortable yet, but she could simply need more time to get to know you. Ask follow-up questions, remain polite, but don’t force the issue.
- If she confirms that she never actually wants to meet up and was viewing this strictly as a pen pal relationship, decide if that’s enough for you. If it’s not, be honest and let her know. Respect whatever she decides, no matter what.
- If this online relationship doesn’t blossom into an IRL relationship, don’t sweat it! Rejection is redirection, and there are plenty of fish in the (digital) sea.