10 Ways to Tell if a Girl Is Testing You Over Text (And What to Do)

Dating and relationship experts share pro tips on passing her tests

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: September 15, 2025 Fact Checked

In this day and age, texting is a huge part of the way we communicate, especially in relationships among younger generations. If you’re texting a girl you like, she may try to put you through the wringer to see if you’re worth her time. The good news is you may be able to tell if she’s testing you, so you can try to win her over. To help you out, we’ve put together a list of potential ways you can try to figure out if a girl is testing you through texts. Plus, we’ve got expert advice on what to do from professional dating and relationship coaches.

Is she testing me over text?

Dating coach Cher Gopman explains that she may be testing you if she takes a while to text back, but always does eventually. She may want you to pursue her further, or she may be trying to seem busy to intrigue you. Guilting you, asking about exes, and abruptly cancelling plans could be other ways she's testing you.

1

She never texts you first.

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It could mean she wants you to pursue her. Even if she really likes you, she may wait for you to text her so she doesn’t seem desperate. Don’t take it as an insult if she never initiates conversations, and don’t get discouraged. To start a chat, dating coach Imad Jbara recommends that you be “illogical and fun” with your texts. If someone opens with, “Hey, what are you up to?” You're likely to say, ‘Fine,’ which “kills the conversation and makes it boring.” Instead, he suggests, say something like, “Oh, you know, the usual, just saved the group of kids from a burning building. How about you?’”^{[1]
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Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- It’s nice to feel wanted, and if she’s waiting for you to start the conversation, it could mean that she wants you to want her.
- Don’t read too much into it, either. If you want to text her, then text her! Try sending something fun, like a meme or a picture of your cat, to get the conversation started.^{[2]
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Meet the wikiHow Experts

Imad Jbara is a dating coach with 100+ clients who helps improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills.

Cher Gopman is a dating coach based in New York City, offering matchmaking, wingwoman services, and more.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, is a licensed relationship therapist specializing in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration.

2

She doesn’t text you back right away.

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A delayed response could mean she’s playing hard to get. Even though you may feel the need to respond right away when she sends you a text, if she doesn’t instantly respond to your messages, don’t get upset. She may be trying to play hard to get to see if you’ll keep sending her messages. If she continues to respond, even if it takes her a minute, keep at it! Dating coach Cher Gopman confirms that if you text them and “they take a while to text back [...] but they do always text back, that's a sign that they could be interested in just playing hard to get.”^{[3]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Gopman notes that the text thread itself may reveal clues that she’s playing hard to get. She explains that “seeing the little dots, [meaning] that she’s writing back, but then they disappear,” it’s a sign that she’s taking her time and will likely reply later.^{[4]
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  Cher Gopman
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- It’s also possible that she’s busy with something and can’t immediately respond to you. In that case, it’s really important that you show restraint to avoid coming across as needy. Give her a chance to respond before you make a judgment.^{[5]
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- Other wikiHow users are sharing their experiences with a girl texting, ignoring them, and then texting again. See what they have to say on the wikiHow forum post, "Why did this girl start talking to me again after ignoring me?"

3

She sends you short or one-word replies.

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She might be testing your patience. If she’s putting minimal effort into her responses, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she thinks you’re annoying. Remember, she’s still responding to you when she doesn’t have to, so she’s still interested in texting you. Keep your cool and keep the conversation going. It could all be a way for her to find out how hard you’ll work to try to win her over. Gopman encourages you to “ask questions” and “keep the conversations fun and lighthearted.” She encourages you to “send a photo of somewhere interesting that you're located” or share a “song that just came on that reminded you of the person.”^{[6]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- If all of her texts are one-word responses, she may not be super interested. But if it’s an occasional thing, it could also be because she’s busy at the moment or may not be a fan of texting in general.

4

She tries to make you feel guilty.

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She may be trying to see if you react negatively. She might try to make you feel bad for taking so long to text her or say that she’s been waiting for you all day. Even if she’s just playfully teasing you, don’t apologize. Apologizing for no reason could tell her that you’re okay with being treated unreasonably. Instead, just tell her that you were busy or you weren’t able to check your phone.
- For instance, if she texts you something like, “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you to respond.” You can say something like, “I was working, how was your day?” or something cheeky like, “In class, did you miss me that much?”

5

She asks about your ex-girlfriends.

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Finding out about your previous relationships could mean she likes you. Most girls will want to know about your exes the more they get to know you. Don’t lie or shy away from the questions. She might be testing you to see how honest you are about them. She may also be trying to figure out why your relationships ended to see if you’re good relationship material. Just be honest and open with her. Try not to speak poorly of your exes to make yourself look better, or you could come off as arrogant and mean-spirited.^{[7]
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- For example, if she asks something like, “Why did you guys break up?”, say something like, “It just didn’t work out and we’re still friends,” instead of something like, “Oh, she was crazy.”

6

She talks about her exes.

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She might be trying to see if you’re the jealous type. Pay attention to what she says because it could be a way of her telling you what she doesn’t like in a relationship, especially if she talks negatively about an ex. Don’t lose your cool or get jealous. That may be exactly what she’s testing—whether or not you’re possessive or the jealous type. Getting to know about her past relationships is a natural part of getting to know her.^{[8]
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- For example, if she texts something like, “Yeah, I saw that movie with my ex,” don’t react negatively. Instead, try to just continue the conversation with something like, “That’s cool, was it any good?”

7

She cancels plans last minute.

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It could be a test to see if you’ll commit to making future plans. If she suddenly cancels on you, don’t get upset or question her reasoning. Stay calm and tell her that you can try to get together some other time. Then, start working to set up another date or meeting to show her that you’re still interested in pursuing her. Of course, there is a fine line between playing hard to get in this manner and not actually wanting to meet up with you. Licensed relationship therapist Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, says, “If she consistently tells you ‘no’, she's not available, ghosts you for a pretty substantial amount of time, if she is consistently inconsistent— those are probably indicators that she's not interested in you.”^{[9]
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Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview}
- Jeney emphasizes how important it is that she is “consistently making [herself] unavailable to the point where [she’s] never following up with an alternative.” She can say, “No, I'm sorry, I can't,” as long as she follows it with, “But I can also do [x].”^{[10]
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  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  
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- If she texts you saying that she can’t make it, try saying something like, “No worries, let’s try to get together soon.”
- Keep in mind that if she cancels on you multiple times, it may be because she’s not interested. If she cancels more than 3 times, it may be time for you to move on.

8

She happens to be going to the same event as you.

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It could be a coincidence, or it could be her testing your reaction. If you’re texting her and you mention some event or party that you’re going to, don’t act suspicious if she texts back saying that she’s going to be there as well. This is good news! Tell her that you’re excited to see her there. You could even make plans to get together before or after the event. Use it as an opportunity to show her that you’re interested.^{[11]
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- For example, if she tells you that she’ll be at the same party, you could say something like, “That’s awesome! Do you want to grab some pizza beforehand?”

9

She tells you she’ll meet you at the location.

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She may be trying to get you to offer her a ride. Of course, she could also be genuinely saying that she plans to drive herself. But it never hurts to offer to pick her up. Even if she declines, she may be grateful for your willingness to offer. If she accepts, then even better!^{[12]
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- For instance, if she says she’ll meet you at the restaurant, bar, or event, you could say something simple like, “Need a lift?” It’s innocent and harmless and shows that you’re courteous.

10

She asks you for help.

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If she asks you for assistance doing something simple, like helping run some errands or moving furniture, it could be because she really needs your help. But it could also be because she wants to see how willing you are to go out of your way for her. It could also mean that she wants to spend more time with you. Whatever the case, it’s a win-win for you!^{[13]
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How do you know if a girl isn't interested in you anymore?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert and Founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking (NEM) based in New York City, NY. With over 15 years in the industry, Joshua helps his clients navigate online dating and has a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

Trust your instincts—if it feels like something's off, more often than not, it is. For instance, if they don't text you as much as they did early on, it could be a sign they're thinking of ending things.

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Tips

In general, try to avoid reacting negatively to something she texts you. Keep in mind that it could all be a test.

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Not every girl will test you to get to know your true intentions or how serious you are about pursuing her. Some girls will genuinely not be interested, and it’s important to respect that.

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If you feel like being tested is disrespectful, politely let her know you’re not interested in playing games. If she continues down the same inconsistent path, breaking things off might be the best move for you.

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