Signs She's Only Infatuated with You: How to Tell Infatuation from Love

Co-authored by Nicole Moore and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: January 24, 2024 Fact Checked

In the early stages of a relationship, it can be hard to tell if a woman's infatuated with you or if it's love. She may not even be sure herself! You might be completely sure of your feelings for her, so it's confusing if you can't tell how she feels. Infatuation is totally normal in the early stages of a relationship and it can develop into love once you know each other better. To help you decide if she's infatuated with you or in love, keep reading!

1

Infatuation: She praises you and overlooks your faults.

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She tells you how great you are even though she doesn't know you well. In fact, infatuation usually happens before you really know each other.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} She might put you on a pedestal and tell you over and over how good you are at something or how impressed she is with you. This can make you feel really great in the early stages of a relationship.
- For instance, if you're supposed to go out for a date and you cancel on her, she probably won't get upset if she's infatuated. Instead, she might say, "You work so hard. I'm so proud of you," without bringing up the fact that you canceled on her. As your relationship grows, she should let you know if she was hurt by something you did.

2

Infatuation: She romanticizes your relationship.

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She talks about you as though you're in a fairytale. You might hear her talking to her friends about how wonderful you are together even though you haven't been together long or even though your relationship isn't perfect. If you think she's exaggerating about how charming things are, it's probably infatuation.^{[2]
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- You may hear her say something like, "Alex, you are such a prince," or she might tell her friends, "Jamie and I are soulmates. I'm so glad I finally found her."
- Think of infatuation like the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. It's exciting to be swept off your feet and things don't seem real just yet.^{[3]
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  Nicole Moore
  Love & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview}

3

Infatuation: She wants to be the center of attention.

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She'll make you feel guilty if you spend time with other people. This is because she wants you all for herself. She craves your company! In her mind, you're perfect for her and she wants your full attention.^{[4]
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- It's normal for a couple to have eyes only for each other in the earliest stage of a relationship. As you date for longer, you should be fine with spending time around other friends.

4

Infatuation: She keeps the relationship superficial.

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She doesn't want to talk about difficult subjects or confront problems. If she's infatuated, she wants to keep enjoying the early, honeymoon stage where she's just attracted to you and things are easy. It might not be love if she refuses to discuss your relationship or help you through hard times.^{[5]
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- Imagine she does something that bothers you—maybe she tells your friends that you can't hang out with them. If you try to talk with her about this, she might refuse to discuss it.
- On the other hand, if you two work through struggles and support each other, infatuation can turn into respect and love.

5

Infatuation: She rushes the relationship.

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You don't know each other well before she talks about a future together. If she's infatuated, she won't try to really get to know you. Instead, she assumes that you're meant for each other and acts as though you'll always be together.^{[6]
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- For example, if you've only been on a few dates but she's already talking about moving in together or getting married, she's definitely infatuated or even obsessed.

6

Infatuation: She becomes clingy.

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She needs you to be in constant contact because she's insecure. As time goes on, you'll notice that she calls more, texts more, and asks why you don't reach out to her more often. This is because she needs your approval and she's worried you're drifting away—probably because you never really knew each other well in the first place.^{[7]
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- You may even feel like you're in a committed relationship since she's asking you to be accountable to her, even though the relationship isn't very old.

7

Infatuation: She blows hot and cold.

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She might be excited and happy one minute and sad or angry the next. Infatuation can be confusing. When she's with you, she feels joyful and loved, but if you're not around, she probably second-guesses your feelings towards her.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} When you see her next, she might despair about your relationship so you reassure her.
- If you've got an on-again/off-again relationship with the woman, it's probably infatuation. This is because you two never move past the early stages of a relationship to develop a real connection.

8

Love: She encourages and supports you.

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She cares about your needs instead of using you to fulfill hers. With infatuation, the focus is on how you make her feel, but if she loves you, she's concerned about how the relationship is making your life better.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} She might nudge you to take classes you mentioned to her or she may tell you to get started on that project you've always wanted to.^{[10]
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- Her support shows that she cares about you deeply as a person and wants to see you happy.

9

Love: She’s genuinely herself.

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You realize she's giving her own opinion instead of what you want to hear. She also doesn't shy away from having deep, thoughtful conversations with you. This shows that she wants to build a meaningful connection.^{[11]
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- You may find the two of you talking for hours! You might even fight occasionally, but this shows she's willing to work through it so the relationship lasts.

10

Love: She gives you space.

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She doesn't try to control your life or keep tabs on you. Instead of being clingy or needing you to check in with her, she's perfectly fine with letting you do your own thing. Sure, she may call or text you every once in a while, but she won't demand that you respond immediately. She trusts you and wants you to be happy.^{[12]
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- If she loves you, she won't tell you who you can or can't spend time with. She'll encourage you to meet up with friends and she'll probably want to meet them, too.
- For instance, if you're traveling out of town for work, she won't expect you to call her several times a day since she knows you'll be busy. She trusts you and doesn't need constant reassurance.

11

Love: She accepts you for who you are.

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She knows you're not perfect and she doesn't expect you to be. Plus, she won't completely overlook your faults to stroke your ego. In fact, she'll probably bring up things that bother or annoy her so you two can work through them. This is a sign that she's interested in a healthy, loving relationship.^{[13]
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- This is especially true the longer you're together since she knows more about you.

12

Love: She has meaningful conversations with you.

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She wants to know all about you and she shares about herself. If she's genuinely into you, your relationship will deepen and grow.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} This is because she's not afraid of the novelty wearing off or losing interest. Instead, she wants to get to know you and she wants you to understand her.^{[15]
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- Instead of shying away from uncomfortable conversations or emotions, she may bring them up.
- For instance, she might say, "I heard your ex is dating someone else. Do you want to talk about it?" or she may say, "Tell me what's important to you in a healthy relationship."

13

Love: She's vulnerable around you.

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She shows you what she's feeling and trusts you not to hurt her. Being vulnerable can mean different things to everyone, but it means that she's not pretending. She won't play games with you. Instead, she'll tell you if you've done something to hurt her feelings or she'll put herself out there and share her honest emotions with you.^{[16]
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- For example, she might come out and say, "I need you to know that when you criticized me the other night, it really hurt. I don't have great self-esteem and I really need your support."

14

Love: She wants to do things together.

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She enjoys trying new activities with you so you strengthen your connection. This isn't her being clingy! She genuinely likes doing things she's passionate about with you or getting involved with your interests.^{[17]
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- She might know that you love rock climbing and suggest that you take her. You two can bond and get to know each other even better.

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