How to Give a Lap Dance to Your Partner & Turn Him On

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Hot tips to give a sexy lap dance and leave him wanting more

Co-authored by William Orrock and Bailey Cho

Last Updated: October 1, 2025 Fact Checked

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Setting the Mood

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Doing the Dance

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More Seductive Tips

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Video

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

There’s no better way to spice things up in the bedroom than with a sexy lap dance. If you’re not sure what you’re doing, though, don’t worry. Performing an erotic lap dance is easier than you think, and as long as you’re having fun, your S.O. is sure to be impressed. Keep reading to learn how to give a lap dance that drives your boyfriend or husband wild. We’ve also interviewed professional dance instructors for tips on how to move your body and feel confident.

How to Give a Sexy Lap Dance

Turn on a sexy song and dim the lights to set the mood. Sit your partner in a comy chair, lower yourself onto his lap, and slowly move your hips in a circle. Turn away from him, sit back on his lap, and grind, caressing your body and removing clothing to turn up the heat. If you have fun and feel good, he will too.

Section 1 of 3:

Setting the Mood for a Lap Dance

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1
Choose an outfit that makes you feel confident. Put on something that makes you feel sexy, whether it’s lingerie, garter belts, thigh-high stockings, chemises, teddies, erotic dance wear, or an oversized button-up shirt.^{[1]
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Research source} You can also layer your clothing if you want to strip down when you give your partner a lap dance.
- Bras: Visit a lingerie store and ask a sales associate to help you choose the right bra. The cups should be smooth, and the edges should lie flat against your chest.
- Underwear: There are many different types of underwear to choose from. Try boyshorts for a playful look, or a g-string or thong to be extra sexy. If you plan to keep stockings and a garter belt on during your dance, wear your panties on the outside of the straps so they can be removed without having to unhook your garters.
- Outer layers: Throw on booty shorts, a flirty mini skirt, a pencil skirt, a sheer robe, or whatever you have in your closet that makes you feel good. You can also buy a sexy costume or a dominatrix outfit to really crank up the heat!
- Shoes: High heels work with any outfit, and they make your legs look toned, sleek, and longer. Just make sure to practice dancing in your shoes beforehand so you’re used to them.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Hebert Aguilar is a professional dancer, choreographer, and the director of Timba Heat Dance Company, with over a decade of experience.

William Orrock is a professional dancer, instructor, group fitness instructor, and the owner of We Evolve Dance, with more than 22 years of experience.

Leela Fazzuoli & Daniele Cavallo are professional Latin dance instructors and the co-founders of Cavallo Dance AZ, with over 20 years of experience.
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Select sensual songs that you both enjoy. Set aside 2 to 3 songs that are smooth and seductive, but upbeat enough to dance to.^{[2]
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Research source} Generally, a lap dance lasts anywhere from 6 to 8 minutes, so it’s a good idea to make a sexy playlist. Here are some songs that are perfect for setting the mood:
- “Skin” by Rihanna
- “Climax” by USHER
- “PUSH 2 START” by Tyla
- “DIE FOR ME” by Chase Atlantic
- “All That Matters” by Justin Bieber
- “Crazy in Love - Remix” by Beyoncé
- “2 On” by Tinashe and ScHoolboy Q
- “Dangerous Woman” by Ariana Grande
- “I Put A Spell On You” by Annie Lennox
- “I See Red” by Everybody Loved an Outlaw
- “Good For You” by Selena Gomez and A$AP Rocky
- “One of the Girls” by The Weeknd, JENNIE, and Lily-Rose Depp
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Dim the lights and add some candles. Indirect lighting is more flattering and intimate than harsh lighting, so light a few candles to cast a soft, warm glow on your body.^{[3]
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Research source} You can also set up fairy lights or throw a scarf or cloth over brighter lamps to set the tone.
- Avoid fluorescent bulbs or white LED lights if you can.
- Take advantage of dimmer switches (if you have them) to adjust the mood of the lighting quickly.
- The lights should be bright enough so your partner can see you dancing, but not so bright that they can see every little freckle on your face.
4
Sit your partner in a sturdy and comfortable chair. Pick a chair with thick legs, a high and reliable back, and no armrests (since they can get in the way of your dance). Make sure the chair can hold the weight of both you and your partner, and is comfortable enough so your partner won’t have to shift around during your lap dance.
- Tell your partner to sit in a comfortable position, with his legs slightly spread apart.
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Give your partner some flirty rules to follow. You are in charge, so take your time, take control, and take pleasure in teasing them. Remind your partner that they can’t touch you until the dance is over, even if you touch, lick, rub, or caress them. You could say something like, “I’m going to give you the best lap dance of your life. All you have to do is sit there and watch. And remember, no touching, okay?”
- Tell him that your body is his for a set amount of time to really turn him on.
- If they reach out in your direction or start to grind back, playfully slap his wrist and let him know that if he does it again, the dance is over.

Section 2 of 3:

Performing the Lap Dance

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1
Start the music and walk into the room. Enter like you’re a professional who’s performed a million lap dances (and knows they’re amazing at it). Walk with one foot in front of the other, with your back straight and your shoulders high. Move your hips up and down, and slowly glide your hands along your body to give your partner a taste of what’s to come.
- Remember, you can take your time and slowly ease into your performance—think of the first song as a warm-up!
- Giving a lap dance may feel nerve-wracking if it’s your first time. Take a few deep breaths beforehand, and remind yourself how much your partner wants you.
- If you’re still feeling nervous, practice performing your lap dance in front of a mirror first to see what makes you look and feel good. Try dancing with different songs and outfits, and watch lap dance videos online for inspiration.
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Seduce your partner with passionate looks. Your expression will reflect the sexy thoughts in your mind and create sexual tension.^{[4]
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Research source} Look at your body, touch it, and then look at your partner. Maintain strong eye contact for a moment before gazing down his body to express attraction.
- You can also wink, lick your lips, or bite your finger playfully to be extra seductive.
- If your back is turned to your partner, glance over your shoulder with a smirk on your face.
3
Alternate between looking at him and looking down at your body. Run your fingers through your hair, down your neck, your chest, then down to your hips and around your butt. As you move your hands across your body, imagine your hands are his hands. Keep your hands in contact with your body, let them ride up your sides and back towards the nape of your neck. Look him in the eye and try a slow and gentle head roll, letting your hair fall at the same time.
- To turn up the heat, remove an article of clothing before you get closer to your partner.
- According to professional dancer and choreographer Hebert Aguilar, the best thing to do is to “smile and have fun” when dancing with (or for) someone.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Hebert Aguilar
  Professional Dancer & Choreographer
  
  Expert Interview}
4
Stand in front of your partner and circle your hips. Move towards him so your crotch is almost against his knee, then lean in like you’re about to kiss him. Pause for just long enough so he can smell your perfume, then pull away. Once you’ve created some distance, begin moving your hips in a soft circular motion. Close your eyes for a few seconds and enjoy the moment.^{[6]
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Research source}
- “You can get better at rolling [your] hips by practicing a figure 8 motion,” says professional dancer and instructor William Orrock. Just “keep your hip rotations between the width of your shoulders and move side to side.”^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  William Orrock
  Professional Dancer & Instructor
  
  Expert Interview}
- Your hips are the ultimate seduction tool! Professional Latin dance instructors Leela Fazzuoli and Daniele Cavallo recommend thinking of the movement of your hips “like the pendulum action of a clock.”^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Leela Fazzuoli & Daniele Cavallo
  Professional Latin Dance Instructors
  
  Expert Interview} Shake your hips from side to side for a sexy and effortless move.
5
Sit backwards on your partner’s lap and grind. Get close to your partner, then turn around (so your back is towards him) and position yourself between his legs. Slowly bend down to sit on his lap and start grinding. You can also gently bounce up and down in his lap or pop your hips.^{[9]
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Research source}
- Feel free to grip onto your partner’s thighs for support.
- If you want to, grab his hands and move them up and down your body.
6
Remove an item of clothing and try out different moves. Move away for a brief moment, then lean in close to your partner. You can grab his hands and move them up and down your body, moan or whisper in his ear, softly nibble his neck, or gradually take off more clothing. Remember, as long as you feel sexy and confident, your partner will love it!
- Use your surroundings to your advantage. Slide against the wall, crawl on the floor, or straddle a spare chair and remove your stockings one at a time.
- You can firmly push your partner back against the chair and stand in front of him. Move your hands up and down your body, like you’re rubbing soap all over yourself in the shower, and close your eyes.
- If you want to dance behind your partner, stand behind the chair, facing the back of his head, and gently lower your chest towards his head. Move your body downward as you caress the area above his waist, and then all the way back up to his face.
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Unwrap your legs and stand up from your partner’s lap. Lean in towards your partner to make it easier to unhook your legs, then slowly shift into a standing position. Push your butt and back out to help you maintain balance, then place your hands on his shoulders and playfully push away from him as the song ends.
- Continue to work your hips and run your hands across your body as you stand. Once you get up, prepare for whatever happens next!

Section 3 of 3:

Extra Tips to Turn Him On

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1
Send your partner a seductive text beforehand. Turning him on through text will build suspense for your lap dance and drive him insane (in the best way). You could send something like, “I’ve got a surprise waiting for you when you get home, babe. Come in and sit down in the chair in the living room. I’ll be waiting for you.”
- If you want to be extra flirty, dating coach Laura Bilotta recommends using emojis to “add a playful tone to your message.”^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview} Some cute and flirty options include the winking face 😉, smirking face 😏, face blowing a kiss 😘, and smiling face wth horns 😈 emojis.
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Use accessories to increase his pleasure. Tie a blindfold over his eyes to heighten sensations. You could also rub a feather tickler against his body (or yours), starting from his neck to the inside of his thigh. Alternatively, loop a tie around his neck and use it to pull him closer to your face or cleavage, or tie his wrists together.
- If you want to be extra naughty, keep your favorite sex toy nearby for your pleasure and his torture.
If you’re feeling a little bit naughty (and want to drive him crazy), move towards him like you’re about to initiate sex, then kiss him on the cheek, step back, and put all your clothes back on. Exit the room to leave him wanting more.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I choose the right songs for my dance routine?

William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
William Orrock is a Professional Dancer, Instructor, Group Fitness Instructor, and the Owner of We Evolve Dance. With more than 22 years of experience, he specializes in performance, social dancing instruction, competitive dance preparation, and wedding choreography. William holds a Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Dance with a minor in Choreography from Universidad Las Americas-Chile and a second minor in Acting from Foothill College Acting Conservatory. He is also a national champion in Latin American Dancing, a former dancer for Dancing with the Stars Chile, and a certified judge for ballroom competitions.

William Orrock

Professional Dancer & Instructor

Expert Answer

Think about songs that are meaningful to you and your partner. Remember—these songs don't have to be popular hits. Just focus on what stirs your heart and brings up good memories. It's also a wonderful idea to choose songs that help you "feel the rhythm" and that you feel confident about dancing to.

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Question

How do I get better at rolling my hips when I dance?

William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
William Orrock is a Professional Dancer, Instructor, Group Fitness Instructor, and the Owner of We Evolve Dance. With more than 22 years of experience, he specializes in performance, social dancing instruction, competitive dance preparation, and wedding choreography. William holds a Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Dance with a minor in Choreography from Universidad Las Americas-Chile and a second minor in Acting from Foothill College Acting Conservatory. He is also a national champion in Latin American Dancing, a former dancer for Dancing with the Stars Chile, and a certified judge for ballroom competitions.

William Orrock

Professional Dancer & Instructor

Expert Answer

You can get better at rolling the hips by practicing slowly making a "figure 8" with your pelvis. When you roll your hips, focus on moving them side to side. Stick to swinging your hips in rotations that are between the width of your shoulders. Also remember to tilt your pelvis forward and backward to get a better feeling for all the different directions that your hips can move in.

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Question

What if I get so overwhelmed with a touch from him that I let him keep doing it?

Community Answer

If you want him to touch you more, let him. If you feel uncomfortable, tell him to stop.

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Tips

If you’re feeling uncomfortable, think of your performance as a slow and seductive workout session. Stretch, bend over, stroke your arms and neck. Modify poses that you’re familiar with to create your own moves.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Command him to get in different positions on the chair, or even lie on the floor, to mix up the dance and let him participate.
Make it sexier by also undressing him as you dance!

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