Why Does Your Boyfriend's Phone Go Straight to Voicemail?

Download Article

Is your number blocked, or is it just a case of Do not Disturb?

Co-authored by Luke Smith, MFA Reviewed by John Keegan

Last Updated: November 28, 2023 Fact Checked

Download Article

Reasons Your Call Might Be Going to Voicemail

|

Improving Your Communication

There are plenty of reasons your boyfriend’s phone might go straight to voicemail, but we know it’s still not the greatest feeling in the world. Before you assume the worst, we’ll give you the rundown of all the reasons why this might be happening, both personal and technological. We even spoke to couples therapist Anna Svetchnikov to get tips on how to have more open and reliable communication in a relationship so this is less likely to cause issues in the future.

Things You Should Know

Most often, his phone goes straight to voicemail because of tech reasons like Do Not Disturb, Airplane mode, or a phone that’s out of battery.
Your call may also go to voicemail because your boyfriend is stressed, overwhelmed, busy, or just needs some personal time.
Leave your boyfriend a voicemail or text that calmly explains your concern, then follow up when you next see him to talk about the issue.

Section 1 of 2:

Reasons Your Call Might Be Going to Voicemail

Download Article

- His phone may be on Do not Disturb or Airplane mode. On many phones, these modes bounce calls straight to voicemail.^{[1]
  X
  Research source} He might be busy at work, handling something important, or simply trying to relax without his phone catching his attention.
  - What to do: Leave your boyfriend a text and wait until he turns off these modes. Then, you might ask him to turn off Do Not Disturb for your contact.
- His phone might be off, out of battery, or broken. He may have his phone turned off to save battery or for privacy, or it may have run out of battery on its own. Or, it might have broken at some point in the day.
  - What to do: Go ahead and leave a voicemail. This is a situation that can’t be helped much, and he’ll most likely answer when he can.
- He may be having service or carrier issues, or your number is blocked. If your boyfriend is out of service range, his carrier is having connection issues, or his SIM card is malfunctioning, he also may not be able to receive calls.^{[2]
  X
  Research source} He may have also blocked your number, possibly by accident.
  - What to do: Leave a text or a voicemail, just in case. Once he has service again, he may contact you. Or, ask him if he accidentally blocked your number, and to unblock it.
- He’s exhausted, busy, or needs some personal space. Even in strong relationships, partners sometimes need time apart.^{[3]
  X
  Research source} He may be under quite a bit of stress at work or dealing with an emergency, and set his phone to go to voicemail to get some alone time.
  - What to do: Text him and ask if this is the case. Be understanding and patient, but ask him to let you know when he sets his phone aside for personal time.
- He may be socially anxious or just prefers not to talk on the phone. Answering a phone call can be a struggle for people with social anxiety.^{[4]
  X
  Research source} Your boyfriend might prefer to let his calls bounce to voicemail to avoid interacting with another person. Or, he might find phone calls difficult or intrusive, and prefers to talk in other ways.
  - What to do: Text him instead, or ask him to call back when he sees missed calls from you. Dating someone with social anxiety is a team effort, so stay patient.
- He may be hiding his activity from you, or avoiding a serious talk. If he has a history of keeping secrets or of infidelity, there’s a chance he’s doing something he doesn’t want you to know about. Or, he might be dodging having a difficult chat about your relationship.
  - What to do: Calmly explain your own anxiety, using “I” statements like, “I feel worried that I can’t reach you when I need to.” We advise against snooping, though, which hurts both trust and privacy.^{[5]
    X
    Trustworthy Source
    
    Go Ask Alice
    Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
    
    Go to source}
  - If you’re worried about infidelity, ask him if he feels like he’s getting what he needs from the relationship. It’s not easy, but depending on his answer, it may be time to end the relationship.
- He’s ill or unwell and can’t make it to the phone. He might be sick in bed, resting, and with his phone disabled. Or, there’s a rare chance he’s injured or otherwise in danger, and is unable to answer his phone.
  - What to do: If you suspect he's in danger, call his close friends or family members to ask if they’ve heard from him. After several hours, contact emergency services.

Section 2 of 2:

Improving Your Communication

Download Article

- Text him or wait to talk in person, rather than keep calling him. If you’re going straight to voicemail, chances are that’s not going to change until your boyfriend is ready or able to change it. Instead, leave him a text explaining your concern, or wait until you see him in-person to talk about communication in your relationship.
  - Also, try not to assume the worst until you’ve had a chance to talk to him. Couples therapist Anna Svetchnikov explains that when you assume the worst, “you get upset, and you get resentment,” which isn’t healthy or productive.^{[6]
    X
    Expert Source
    
    Anna Elton, PhD, LMFT
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
    
    Expert Interview}
- Explain your concern about not being able to reach him. Use “I” statements that clearly communicate your own worry and center your own concern, to avoid making him defensive.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Anna Elton, PhD, LMFT
  Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
  
  Expert Interview} Ask him calmly why he wasn’t able to pick up. Chances are, the reason is totally harmless, and with a little teamwork you can find a solution.
  - Also, leave space for him to explain his own circumstances. Fair and healthy communication goes both ways.
  - For example, you might tell him that not being able to reach him makes you worry for his safety, and maybe he could silence his ringer rather than turning his phone to Do Not Disturb.
  - Couples therapist Anna Svetchnikov adds: “Say something positive—acknowledge all the good things that are happening in the relationship, then bring up the concern that you have. Then end on a positive note.”^{[8]
    X
    Expert Source
    
    Anna Elton, PhD, LMFT
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
    
    Expert Interview}
- Set some guidelines for when and how you can reach each other. Talk with your boyfriend and let him know how and when you want to be able to reach him. Also, let him tell you how and when he should be able to reach you. You may need to compromise, but setting these standards helps you both find peace of mind.
  - For example, he might need privacy during certain hours at work, especially if his job is high-stress or dangerous, but might turn his phone back on or check in during his break.
- Schedule regular check-ins to keep communication open. Plan a few phone calls or in-person chats each week to talk about your personal lives, what you’re stressed about, or anything else to foster both communication and trust. Schedule 1-3 hours a week to have some laid-back talks, or even plan to do them impromptu and off-the-cuff.^{[9]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Anna Elton, PhD, LMFT
  Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
  
  Expert Interview}