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This article was co-authored by Cyndy Etler and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Cyndy Etler is a certified teen life coach and award-winning young adult author who divides her time between Providence, Rhode Island, and Charlotte, North Carolina. Cyndy has over two decades of experience working directly with teenagers and supporting adolescent social and emotional health. In 2012, Cyndy founded The Teen Life Coach and began offering support and coaching to struggling teens and their families. She is dual certified through the Youth Coaching Institute and the International Coaching Federation. She has two published memoirs, Dead Inside (2017) and We Can’t Be Friends (2017). She is the narrator for Robert Downey Jr's troubled teen industry podcast The Sunshine Place, and her work has appeared on CNN, Newsday, NPR, and more. In 2017, she founded 1st Block Revolution, a program designed to counteract the school to prison pipeline by helping meet the needs of at-risk teens in the English classroom and supporting teachers. She is an in-demand speaker who previously taught high school English, special education, and English as a second language in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and North Carolina. Cyndy has a double-major bachelor's degree in English and American studies and a Master of Education degree from UMass Boston.
There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Making friends in middle school can be a little nerve-wracking—but it doesn’t have to be! By being friendly and putting yourself out there, you can form friendships that will last all throughout middle school (and beyond). Try out a few of these methods to talk to people in your class and hang out with them outside of school. Before you know it, you’ll have a fun group of friends to chill with every day!
Steps
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First, find something idle to do, like scrolling your phone or examining a sheet of paper. While you do that, scan the people in the area, whether you’re standing in the hall, outside of school, the cafeteria, or the classroom. If there's a group of people that makes you think, “Ooh, they look they might be for me,” whether it's what they're wearing, the instruments they're carrying, if they're representing a sports team, or something else, find a place to eavesdrop while doing your idle activity to check the vibe. Once you have decided, “Yeah, they seem like people who might be appealing to me,” keep your ears peeled for something in the conversation that lets you jump in and ask a question. For example, you might say, “I'm sorry. Are you guys talking about the Taylor Swift show?” By asking a question related to what they're saying, you're suddenly in the conversation.
Of course, wait for a pause to insert that question. And presumably, people are going to respond. No one's going to just ignore you. Show some sort of enthusiasm. Going back to that Taylor Swift example, you could say, “Cool. Are you going to the show?” And if they respond, then suddenly you're in. Trust your gut and see if it feels right to move in a little bit and join the conversation. So, you observe, identify who's appealing and feels safe, eavesdrop, wait for a pause, ask a question about the relevant conversation, express enthusiasm, and then ask another question. Then you can ask permission to join the group by saying something like, “Will you tell me more?” or, “Do you know where you get the tickets?”
The next step is to find something about someone in the group to compliment. For instance, you might notice someone’s hoop earrings, something they chose for themselves and that represents how they want people to see them. If you can find a reason to say, “Hey, I love your earrings” or “Those shoes are so cool,” that helps you connect even more.
Use this same strategy to start a conversation with an individual if approaching a group feels overwhelming. If there's someone standing alone looking at their phone, come and lean on the wall six feet away—not too close so that it’s awkward—and just kind of stand and see if you get a vibe. And then you turn to that person and say something like, “You have fluorescent pink Converse! I love them.” Everybody wants to feel seen and included, so when you compliment something they chose, you're giving them a hit of positive brain chemicals and connection, and they suddenly have a reason to like you. And then you can pivot, showing interest and asking questions to draw out more information. That could be, “You got them at the mall? Oh my gosh! There's a shoe store at the mall that sells shoes like that?” or even just, “Tell me more.”
So, if you’re not automatically comfortable putting yourself out there or making friends, an easy way to make people like you is to be interested in them. And you show that by showing appreciation for something about them and then asking questions, which allows them to keep talking.
Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat if a clique doesn't like me?
wikiHow Staff EditorThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Staff Answer
wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerIf a clique doesn't like you, look for another group of people to be friends with. It's totally up to you who your friends are in middle school. Don't worry about what the clique thinks — just focus on finding friends who like you for who you are. -
QuestionI have tried everything and I can't make any friends that are similar to me. What do I do?
wikiHow Staff EditorThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Staff Answer
wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerTry joining an after-school club that you're interested in. You'll meet lots of other people that share the same interests as you. Over time you'll get to know them better and even become good friends! -
QuestionWhat if you don't have a cell phone but they do?
Hannah MaddenCommunity AnswerWrite their number on a piece of paper and ask your parent or older sibling if you can borrow their phone. If you have a computer, you could also try instant messaging them instead of texting.
Reader Videos
Share a quick video tip and help bring articles to life with your friendly advice. Your insights could make a real difference and help millions of people!
Tips
Tips from our Readers 
- Just try your best to be nice. If someone is being mean or ignoring you when you show interest in being their friend, they won't be a good friend to you. Know when to move on. The hardest thing about middle school is the social aspect, but trust me, everything will get better.
- Friendship evolves slowly, so don't rush it. Have casual conversations with lots of people, but don't expect them to become your best friends right away. As you get to know people, you'll find kids you click with, and the friendships will evolve naturally.
- If you're starting 6th grade, you'll be nervous at first. Especially if there are people from other elementary schools at your new school. Remember that everyone there is nervous, not just you! You're not alone.
- If you make a friend who says bad things about other people, gossips behind their backs, or spills their secrets to you, let that friend go. They'll do the same to you.
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-happiness-project/201109/8-tips-making-friends
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=48&v=xz5KSQLBofY&feature=youtu.be
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-make-friends-at-school
- ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.additudemag.com/help-child-make-friends-in-middle-school/
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-make-friends-at-school
- ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. School Counselor. Expert Interview
- ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. School Counselor. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.uopeople.edu/blog/how-to-make-new-friends-at-school/
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-make-friends-at-school
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-happiness-project/201109/8-tips-making-friends
- ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2010/04/20/chapter-two-how-phones-are-used-with-friends-what-they-can-do-and-how-teens-use-them/
- ↑ https://www.uopeople.edu/blog/how-to-make-new-friends-at-school/
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-make-friends-at-school
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/helping-your-child-transition-to-middle-school
About This Article
Making new friends in middle school can feel scary, but it’s actually easier than you may think. Try joining an after-school club or activity since making friends is easier when you enjoy the same things. Over time, introduce yourself to the other members and try striking up a conversation about what you're working on or the next game you'll be playing. You can also try sitting at a new table during lunch or sitting next to someone new on the bus. Start by asking if it's okay to sit there. If the person says yes, then say thank you and take your seat. If you want to try chatting a bit, introduce yourself and ask them if they like to listen to music on the bus or what class they have after lunch. If you hit it off, ask if you can join them again tomorrow. To learn how to introduce yourself to people you don’t know, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
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"I'm going into middle school after being homeschooled all my life. I'm mostly excited, but partly scared that I won't make friends and drop out from embarrassment until high school. This really helped!"..." more
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