How to Have a Gay or Lesbian Relationship

Co-authored by Omar Ruiz, LMFT

Last Updated: July 31, 2025

Entering into a gay relationship is much the same as entering into any relationship. Two people meet and get to know each other. Some things never change, even if the partners are of the same gender.

Expert Dating Advice for Gay & Lesbian Relationships

Licensed marriage and family therapist Omar Ruiz, LMFT, says to make your intentions clear about what kind of relationship you’re looking for. Find a partner with similar values, and focus on open communication and mutual respect to build a healthy, trusting relationship.

Steps

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1
Date first. More than once. It's so important to focus on really getting to know the person in front of you. What are their likes? Their dislikes? Do you have the same values? Go out and have a great time with each other to find out whether or not you two love the same activities. Dating is how you discover whether or not you really have a future with someone, so it's an important first step.
- If you are looking for an ideal partner, think about the values they should embody. The values should align with the values you want to be the basis of your life.^{[1]
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- If you do this, many other things can either fall or grow into place in the relationship.^{[2]
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- It is better not to expect your partner to give you everything you want or need.^{[3]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 1044 wikiHow readers, and 59% of them agreed that the best way to get to know someone you’re interested in is to hang out in person. [Take Poll]
Sharing and supporting one another are key. If you're getting into a new hobby, or if you've been promoted at work, if you got an award, if your best friend just told you that they are moving - share it with your partner. Remember that your partner should not only be your lover, they should be your best friend, too.
Be honest, loving, truthful and caring. Being honest means being open, too. Don't keep things from your partner; it's a lie of omission if you fail to disclose things - it's nearly as bad as outright lying. When you have something to say, sit down with your partner, let them know how much you love them, and then take them to that wonderful place called "Say It Say It Say It". Your partner loves you, and will be glad you trusted them enough to confess or share, whatever you need to do.
Good communication in this area is really important. If one of you believes your relationship is "open", in other words, that other partners are okay, and one believes the relationship is monogamous and exclusive, you have a problem. When the "open" partner starts flirting with someone, the "exclusive" partner will be angry, hurt, and confused.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Gay?

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How do you know if you’re gay? There’s a whole spectrum of romantic and sexual orientation, and ultimately, you get to choose whatever label feels right. We’ve created this quiz to help you explore how you feel about your sexuality and start to find some answers within yourself.

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Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender close friend?

I think so. That’s why I’m taking this quiz.

Wait, what’s the difference between friendship and a crush?

Don’t think so, but we’re so close people joke that we’re dating.

Nope. We’re just friends.

If any such issue arises at your place of work, there may be organizations is the area that you can contact for advice, such as the Gay/Lesbian Center or GLAAD (Gay/Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) in the United States. They can help direct you to help in your area.
Enjoy yourself. You only go around once in life. Have a great time living and loving; share your life and love with others, and surround yourselves with loving and caring friends and family members who are supportive and positive influences as you make your way through life together.

Community Q&A

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Question

What if my school won't let us hug or even touch each other?

Community Answer

If straight people are allowed to hug and touch each other, contact a local lawyer for advice.

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I'm a girl and have never dated a girl before, but whenever I'm with my friend I feel like kissing her. What should I do?

Community Answer

See if she has any romantic feelings for you and what her sexuality is. If she has feelings for you or if she is part of the LGBTQ community, then you could definitely tell her how you feel.

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I'm bisexual, but I want to have a relationship with a man more, why is that?

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Bisexuality isn't always 50/50, you just might be more romantically inclined to men.

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Tips

Being honest and loving and caring is very important to a relationship.

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As in any relationship, considering your partner's needs and wants before your own, even if not every time, can really let him or her know how valued and loved he or she is.

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Do something to make life wonderful for your partner, each and every day.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Be yourself and get comfortable. You guys are like any other couple! It doesn't matter what gender you're into as long as you love the person.

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Warnings

In some societies, be prepared to encounter some social tensions and conflicting views.

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Don't allow people blinded by prejudice to get you down or stop you from living the life you want to--it belongs to you and no one else.

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