How to Get a Boyfriend as a Gay Teen Guy

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An expert guide to gay teen dating
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Dating as a teen is a special experience everyone should get the chance to try. It helps you get comfortable connecting to other people before you enter “the real world,” and is just plain fun, too. Plus, the relationships you form now might be with you for the rest of your life. If you’re an LGBTQ+ teen, we’re here to help you find love. With the help of a teen life coach and dating coaches, we’ll explain where to find other gay teens, provide tips to help you attract a bf, and give advice for making a move once someone special has caught your eye. Let’s dive in!

Finding a Gay Boyfriend as a Teen

Teen life coach Cyndy Etler says to look for LGBTQ+ organizations in your area where you can meet and mingle with other teens.[1] If you're not ready for in-person events, check out groups online where you can chat anonymously.[2] You can also turn to a trusted LGBTQ+ adult for advice on safely meeting people in your area.[3]

Section 1 of 3:

Where to Find a Boyfriend as a Gay Teen Guy

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  1. Step 1 Join a gay-focused group to meet other LGBTQ+ teens.
    Matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders tells us that specialized gay groups are the best way to meet other gay people.[4] Join a gay/straight alliance at your school or start a chapter if your school doesn’t have one. Join a local Facebook meetup for the LGBTQ+ community, or see if your city has a dedicated queer organization to get involved in.
    • You might also travel to the next town, if your own town doesn’t have many options.
    • Attend pride events in the summer to meet other gay teens.
  2. Step 2 Join school clubs to meet new people.
    Sanders says that clubs and groups are great ways to meet people, especially if you’re LGBTQ+.[5] Chances are, your school has a sport, club, or extracurricular activity you’re interested in, so join up to expand your social circle. Participate in clubs or groups that are typically queer-friendly, like art or theater.
    • Clubs and sports are a great way to meet people with similar interests, which gives you an advantage since you already have something in common.
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  3. Step 3 Talk to people in your classes to form relationships.
    If you’re looking for a cutie, just look around you! Your classes and school activities are a great place to meet someone.[6] Keep your eyes peeled for someone who catches your interest—that sweet guy who sits in front of you, or that mysterious handsome stranger you sometimes see between classes. Strike up a conversation by saying something like:
    • “Hey! We have a test next week, right? Want to study together?”
    • “I always see you when I come out of Geometry. I’m Mark! Where are you headed?”
  4. Step 4 Attend events in your area to widen your scope.
    Sometimes, the halls of your school might not cut it, especially if you live in a small town with not many gay people.[7] In that case, look elsewhere to meet people. Clubs and teams are still primo, though, so look at your local park’s leagues, or browse Facebook or Reddit for local meetup groups that might be open to teens.
    • For example, many people in local city subreddits are looking for board game groups or people to play pickup sports with.
    • This opens you up to strangers, so remember to stay safe: let someone know where you are, and if possible, go with a friend.
  5. Step 5 Ask your friends to set you up.
    Chances are, your friends know people you don’t, people who are also gay, single, and available.[8] Let your friends know that you’re in the market, and see if they know someone who could be right for you. Dating Coach Eddy Baller reminds you to keep your mind open, start conversations with people you find interesting, and be social.[9]
  6. Step 6 Consider using a dating app if you’re 18 or older.
    If you’re over 18, you’re old enough to use most dating apps.[10] Online dating has its own pitfalls, but it’s a great way to expand your search and link up with new people. Sign up for an app like Tinder, Hinge, or Grindr and set your age range to a similar age as you, then get browsing!
    • Check out our list of the best dating apps for teens to get started.
    • Again, stay safe! Never give out sensitive personal info to strangers, and always meet in a public location for your first few dates.
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Section 2 of 3:

Attracting a Guy & Making a Move

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  1. Step 1 Put your best foot forward to attract great guys.
    Focus on your hobbies and skills to make your personality attractive. Baller says it’s key to focus on yourself and “have experiences” in order to make other people want you.[11] When you’re a deep, complex, interesting person, other people will be interested in you without you having to even try.
    • For example, get into a sport or play on a team to improve your athleticism and competitive personality, practice an art form like painting, sewing, or writing to make yourself more artistic and intriguing, and read novels and non-fiction books to improve your intelligence and critical thinking skills, which gives you an advantage over people who just scroll on their phones all day.
    • Put some thought and effort into your appearance, too. You don’t need to give yourself a total makeover, but a little hygiene goes a long way to being attractive to other people.[12] Shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, style your hair, and wear fresh clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident!
  2. Step 2 Find out if the guy you’re interested in is gay first, if you can.
    He may drop some clues to let you know if he’s gay, such as if he talks about past relationships with guys or mentions participating in pride events. However, the only way to know if someone is gay is if they tell you themselves.[13] So, consider asking in a respectful way.
  3. Step 3 Talk to him for a while to get familiar and friendly.
    Baller says that “emotional intimacy” is key to every new relationship.[14] This is just about chatting, listening, and getting to know each other. It can be tempting to ask him out right away, but it’s better to talk and find out if you actually like him. If you have chemistry, the rest will come naturally.
    • Invite him to hang out with your friend group for a casual, non-romantic approach.
    • Or, ask him to hang out one-on-one, but don’t mention the word “date.” Say, “You seem cool. Want to get some ice cream and hang out this weekend?” It really is that simple!
    • See a movie, go bowling, or hit up a museum. If he asks if it’s a date, say, “Do you want it to be?”
  4. Step 4 Start to get flirty once you’re sure you like him.
    Baller tells us that the most important thing is to just keep talking to them. By just being present and available, you’re sending a message.[15] Beyond that, you might get flirty by dropping a casual compliment or by sitting closer to them than usual.
    • For example, say, “That shirt looks so good on. Then again, so does everything.” Or, “I always feel better when I run into you. Stick around, okay?”
    • Also, make eye contact, lean your body close to him, smile often, and give him small touches like a pat on the shoulder.
    • Look to see if he flirts back by watching for smiles, winks, compliments, leaning close to you, hitting you up first, and paying attention when you speak.
  5. Step 5 Ask him on a first date if he seems interested.
    Baller recommends keeping it simple at this stage.[16] Go somewhere casual, like a cafe, museum, the zoo, or a sporting event, and set a specific date and time. Ask him in person to make the best impression, or over text if you’re really nervous. Be honest and open about your intentions.
    • Say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. Can I take you on a date? Do you want to go to the zoo on Saturday?”
  6. Step 6 Ask him to be your boyfriend after a few dates.
    Take your time! There’s no need to get serious right away—most teens aren’t, anyway.[17] After 3-4 dates, if you find that you really click, then you can pop the big, capital-B boyfriend question on the next date. You might say:
    • “These past few dates have been perfect. Can we make it official? Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
  7. Step 7 Accept his answer and look for someone else if he says no.
    Rejection is always a possibility, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. If you make a move and he turns you down, don’t push it.[18] Tell him you understand, thank him for his time, and let him know he might see you around, if you want to stay friends. Then, get back out there once you feel up to it! Dealing with rejection is just a part of life, and everyone experiences it now and then
    • Avoid getting angry and bitter or talking negatively about him.
    • Spend time with friends to reconnect with yourself, and take it easy for a while. You’ll bounce back!
    • If he has a negative reaction to your sexuality, do whatever you need to in order to keep yourself safe. Check out the ACLU’s handbook on school harassment for more info.
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Section 3 of 3:

Dating Advice for Gay Teens

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  1. Step 1 Come out to up your chances, if you’re comfortable.
    Coming out with your sexuality makes it that much easier for other gay people to find you, and makes it way easier to approach people you’re interested in, if they already know you’re gay. Consider coming out, if you feel safe and comfortable doing so.[19]
    • This can be an incredibly difficult task for some. Seek out a close friend who knows the truth and ask for their support. Check out the Trevor Project’s Coming Out Handbook for support.
    • Some conservative families do not support this, and it can be painful. Consider coming out to a select group before talking to your family, if you're in this scenario.
    • Always protect your own safety and well-being. You don’t have to come out publicly to date. It’s possible to date another gay person on the down-low until you’re ready to come out.
  2. Step 2 Ask yourself if you’re ready for a relationship.
    Relationships are a big deal! The stakes are a bit lower when you’re younger, but it’s still a good idea to make sure it’s something you really want. They require commitment, effort, and knowing that there’s a risk of heartbreak.[20] If you’re ready for that, then go for it!
    • Don't rush into a relationship for the sake of a relationship. Wait to find someone you like enough to want a relationship.
    • Avoid falling into a relationship just for sex. We’ll talk about safe sex later, but don’t feel like you need to commit just to have new experiences, though a relationship can be a safe and comfortable way to do that.
  3. Step 3 Focus on dating other teens who you know are gay.
    You don’t have to shun straight people altogether, and if you’re comfortable, there’s no harm in a little platonic flirting, even.[21] Just don’t spend too much time chasing someone who can’t love you back, no matter how dreamy they might be. You’ll always have a better time dating other gay people, guaranteed.
    • That said, befriending straight people can open up new connections to their gay friends.
    • If someone doesn’t know if they’re gay, it can be worth sticking around and helping them out, just don’t pressure them.
  4. Step 4 Ask older LGBTQ+ people for advice.
    Dating coach Imad Jbara recommends getting advice from gay people you look up to.[22] If there is an older LGBTQ+ person you know, ask them for tips.[23] You'll be surprised how much reassurance they can instill by telling their struggles as a youth.
    • Many counselling services in schools have a faculty member who specializes in this type of advice.
    • If you don’t know anybody in real life, look online! The subreddit AskGayBrosOver30 is a great place to start.
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Join the Discussion...

How do you get a boyfriend?
WikiChinchillaCaster400
WikiChinchillaCaster400
I'm ready to get into the dating pool and find a good guy that's right for me...I just don't know where to get started lol. I feel like you can't just bump into people like in the movies, so where do I even go to find a potential boyfriend these days? Any tricks to make a guy notice me and keep chatting with me? I want to hear it all!
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
There’s always online dating, which is probably one of the more convenient ways. It's nice that you can sit on your couch and not have to go meet somebody for that initial kind of connection, but some people find dating sites really draining. There are other ways that are great for many people, such as just living your life and doing what you love. Put yourself out there, find hobbies that bring you joy, and you may find someone that has some similar traits as you.

As a woman meeting a man, you're kind of assessing if he's safe, if he's kind, if he's the type of person you want to be with. Those are the people you want to look for. I think for a man to come off super aggressive and really forward can actually be a little off putting, as far as first impressions go.

When you're feeling like someone is a good fit, just say hi. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular! I think, as a woman trying to start a conversation with a man, it's nice to just smile, ask how they're doing, and just open that door for conversation.
WikiPandaTamer982
WikiPandaTamer982
Tbh as a woman, a little bit of initiative can go a long way in the dating scene. Men are used to being the one doing the courting and asking out, so if you take initiative and ask out guys instead, there's a good chance that it can go in your favor and you have more control over the guys you go after because you're going to them instead of having them come to you.

I'm a woman and I asked my current boyfriend out. At first he seemed a little surprised, but in like a "whoa I didn't realize you liked me and would ask me out!" kind of way, and then a split second later he was over the moon saying yes and getting excited to go on dates with me.

I know before you can ask a guy out, you have to meet one first. Consider joining hobby or meetup groups to find people who have similar interests as you. You can also sign up for a class, volunteer, or become a regular and some local establishments. And then once you find a guy, to get his attention you can strike up a conversation with him, be friendly and complimentary and genuinely interested in what he has to say. Good luck!
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    A guy approached me and told me he loved me, I was scared so I turned him down, now I'm in love with him. What do I do?
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    If the guy still likes you, tell him what you just said. Tell him that you were scared and didn't know what to do, so you automatically turned him down, but now you've accepted that you have feelings for him.
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    How do I approach a boy I like?
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    If I were you I wouldn't just approach a guy out of knowhere and say that you like him. If you want to approach a guy you have a crush on, first take it slow and become friends, get to know the guy more, and find common interests. Then after being his friend for awhile, find a place where you can be alone so you can tell him that you like him. Of course, if he reacts badly, don't continue because it's not worth it. If he reacts in a positive way, that's great, but no matter what give him space and let it take its course.
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    Will someone ever love me? I am 15 and afraid.
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    Most likely yes. There's no need to be afraid. Very few people find real love at your age, though many people have superficial relationships. Just be yourself, be patient, and focus on your goals, interests, and self-improvement. Eventually you'll probably meet the right person, whether in your teens or in your twenties or later.
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  • Avoid the temptation to be attracted to a guy solely on looks. Physical attraction is maybe 5% of a romantic relationship. 95% is what you share in common. Focus on that part first.
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References

  1. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/staying-single-throughout-high-school
  7. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/is-teen-romance-dead-snapchat-situationships
  8. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
  9. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  1. ↑ https://www.staysafeonline.org/articles/parenting-in-the-digital-age-7-online-dating-rules-for-your-teens
  2. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200801/fast-forces-attraction
  4. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/orientation
  5. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  7. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2015/10/01/basics-of-teen-romantic-relationships/
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200707/how-handle-rejection
  10. ↑ https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/
  11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/relationship-help
  12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unwrapped/201511/is-flirting-between-gay-and-straight-men-okay
  13. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  14. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview

About This Article

Cyndy Etler
Co-authored by:
Cyndy Etler
Teen Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Cyndy Etler and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA. Cyndy Etler is a certified teen life coach and award-winning young adult author who divides her time between Providence, Rhode Island, and Charlotte, North Carolina. Cyndy has over two decades of experience working directly with teenagers and supporting adolescent social and emotional health. In 2012, Cyndy founded The Teen Life Coach and began offering support and coaching to struggling teens and their families. She is dual certified through the Youth Coaching Institute and the International Coaching Federation. She has two published memoirs, Dead Inside (2017) and We Can’t Be Friends (2017). She is the narrator for Robert Downey Jr's troubled teen industry podcast The Sunshine Place, and her work has appeared on CNN, Newsday, NPR, and more. In 2017, she founded 1st Block Revolution, a program designed to counteract the school to prison pipeline by helping meet the needs of at-risk teens in the English classroom and supporting teachers. She is an in-demand speaker who previously taught high school English, special education, and English as a second language in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and North Carolina. Cyndy has a double-major bachelor's degree in English and American studies and a Master of Education degree from UMass Boston. This article has been viewed 379,766 times.
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Co-authors: 32
Updated: August 6, 2025
Views: 379,766
Categories: LGBT Dating
Article SummaryX

If you want to find a boyfriend as a teen guy, try seeking out other people in the gay community. For example, try becoming friends with other people who are out at your school, since they may be able to introduce you to other gay guys. Additionally, join your school’s gay/straight alliance to meet people, or start one if there isn’t a chapter at your school! Besides meeting people in person, you can get to know guys through online dating sites. For instance, make a profile on OkCupid, and mark that you’re interested in guys. You can also meet people on apps like Tinder or Grindr, but keep in mind that these are known for hookups more than lasting relationships. To learn how to make a move once you find someone you like, read on!

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