Boundaries While Staying in Contact (BREAKUP ADVICE)
I want to understand how to navigate this situation, manage my emotions, and maintain healthy boundaries while staying in contact. About a month ago, my ex and I were having frequent arguments, and sometimes she would disrespect me. I later realized that a lot of this happened because I was trying to maintain a “nice” relationship, and in the process, I lost myself — my confidence, my sense of masculinity, and my ability to make her feel safe.
I discovered that she has an avoidant attachment style — whenever she felt hurt or unsafe, she would push me away. This, combined with my own emotional low points, made things worse, and eventually, we took a break. Things seemed to improve for a while, but ultimately she ended the relationship.
Even after the breakup, she continued to follow me on social media, and we remained active on Snap and Pinterest. She still clearly values me and the relationship we had — I know I meant a lot to her, and she cared deeply about me.
Recently, she mentioned that another guy approached her and gave her his number. I assume she may have texted him, but I don’t know for sure. Knowing her, I don’t think she’s the type to jump from one guy to another — we were together for 2 years, and the main reason she ended things seems to be that I lost myself and wasn’t providing the safety, confidence, and emotional stability she needed.
She also seemed to try to make me jealous, maybe to push me away and get me to move on. That didn’t really work for me, although it did affect me a little.
At one point, seeing that person’s name in her follow list hurt me, so I unfollowed her on Instagram, but I kept contact on Snap and Pinterest. Now, when I try to follow her again, she hasn’t accepted my request, but she’s still sending snaps. Lately, her snaps have become fewer and more dry.
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The best thing you can do for your own mental health is to step away and focus your mind elsewhere. It sounds like she is moving on, and that's okay. You two had something special together, but sometimes these things end so that even greater, more wonderful things can grow into the space they left.
Your job right now is to create that space for those wonderful things to come. Don't text her, don't follow her, don't try to reach out to her. Remove her from your feeds so you don't see her and get upset.
There were great things about that relationship, and I am sure you miss those things. But you can and will have those things again but without the disrespect, the insecurities, etc. To get there, you need to work on yourself and build a life that makes you feel happy, healthy, and inspired.
For now, the solution is to simply do anything else. Develop a passion or a hobby. Go hang out with your friends. Work out. Simply work on becoming the kind of person you really want to be, and eventually the relationship you want will find you. Ask me how I know ;)
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Your job right now is to create that space for those wonderful things to come. Don't text her, don't follow her, don't try to reach out to her. Remove her from your feeds so you don't see her and get upset.
There were great things about that relationship, and I am sure you miss those things. But you can and will have those things again but without the disrespect, the insecurities, etc. To get there, you need to work on yourself and build a life that makes you feel happy, healthy, and inspired.
For now, the solution is to simply do anything else. Develop a passion or a hobby. Go hang out with your friends. Work out. Simply work on becoming the kind of person you really want to be, and eventually the relationship you want will find you. Ask me how I know ;)
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