Can a Man and a Woman Really Be Just Friends?

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All about platonic relationships with the opposite sex

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: September 18, 2023 References

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Can men and women have platonic relationships?

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Challenges of Male-Female Friendships

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What Research Shows

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Making a Male-Female Friendship Work

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Expert Interview

Ah, the age-old question: can men and women really be just friends? TV shows and movies might make you think that all opposite-sex relationships have an undercurrent of sexual tension flowing through them. However, that isn’t always the case, especially if you’re both mature, understanding adults. In this article, we’ll unpack everything from making male-female friendships work to avoiding jealousy within your romantic relationships. Keep reading to learn all about friendships between men and women.

Things You Should Know

Men and women can have thriving friendships, especially if they treat each other more like siblings.
Sometimes, significant others can get jealous of their partner’s opposite-sex friends. Always communicate and respect your partner’s boundaries around your friendships.
If your partner is worried about your friendships, set ground rules about what they’re comfortable with (and not comfortable with).

Section 1 of 4:

Can men and women have platonic relationships?

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You heard that right! While male and female friendships tend to get a bad rap, there are plenty of people out there who are friends with the opposite sex without any romantic attraction.^{[1]
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Research source} In fact, most people agree that having friends of all sexes and genders enriches your life and helps you become a more well-rounded person.

Section 2 of 4:

Challenges of Male-Female Friendships

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In heterosexual relationships, partners can sometimes feel jealous when their significant other has a friend of the opposite sex. These jealous feelings stem from fear that their partner may form a deep or romantic connection with their friend.^{[2]
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Sexual tension between friends Oftentimes, people worry that a friendship between a man and a woman will have an undercurrent of sexual tension throughout it. While this isn’t true for all friendships between men and women, media like When Harry Met Sally and other rom-coms of its nature have helped solidify the myth that male-female friendships can’t ever be purely platonic.
- However, the opposite is often true. Many people in platonic friendships with the opposite sex report that their friend feels like a sibling, and that they would never even consider sleeping with them.^{[3]
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- If you’re worried that your friend might get the wrong idea, have a conversation with them. Make sure you’re both on the same page and that neither of you wants to pursue a romantic relationship, either now or in the future.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  
  Expert Interview}
  - Say something like, “I just want to make it clear that we’re just friends, okay? I don’t want to make my partner uncomfortable, so I’d like this to be a completely platonic relationship.”

Section 3 of 4:

Research about Male-Female Friendships

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Studies tell us that men are more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. In 2012, researchers released a study that did a deep dive into the platonic nature of friendships between men and women. The scientists found that while it was possible to have male-female friendships, men were slightly more likely to be attracted to their female friends than women are attracted to their male friends.^{[5]
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- The same study also reported that men were less likely to respect the relationship status of their female friends (meaning they’d still consider sleeping with their female friends even if those friends are in a relationship).

Section 4 of 4:

Making a Male-Female Friendship Work

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Set ground rules with your partner. If you’re feeling nervous about your partner having friends of the opposite sex, talk about it. Let them know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with to enforce your boundaries.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview} Then, have your partner do the same for you. You might establish rules like:^{[7]
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- Never prioritize your friendships over your partner.
- Never hide any activity or communication with your friends from your partner.
- Never flirt with your friend, even when your partner isn’t around.
- Never call your partner “jealous” or “crazy” for expressing their concerns.
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Treat your opposite-sex friend like you would any other friend. This is the key to making a male-female friendship work. If you notice that you’re treating your opposite-sex friend differently in any way, it’s likely that you’re crossing a boundary that your partner wouldn’t be comfortable with. Keep this in mind as you interact with your friend to avoid any jealousy issues.^{[8]
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- Grab a beer, get a cup of coffee together, or watch a movie. Do normal friend things without flirting or complimenting your friend about their physical appearance.^{[9]
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  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- If you’re not sure, try asking yourself, “Would my partner be upset if they saw this message or behavior right now?” If the answer is yes, you are crossing a boundary.
Communication with your partner is key. In heterosexual relationships, it’s normal for your partner to feel a little awkward about your opposite-sex friend. The more you can do to hear them out and make them feel okay about it, the better. Always listen to their concerns, and do your best to make your partner feel comfortable whenever you’re with your friend.^{[10]
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