How to End a Relationship Respectfully: What to Do & What Not to Do

Download Article

Ease your soon-to-be-ex’s heartache by letting her down gently

Written by Amy Chan | Edited by Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: October 1, 2025 Fact Checked

Download Article

• What to Do
|
• What Not to Do
|
• Why is it hard to break up?
|
• Moving On After a Breakup
|
• Final Takeaways
|
• Additional Help
|
• Video
|
• Expert Q&A

|Show more |Show less

ARTICLE

VIDEO

Splitting up is tough for everyone involved, but if you’re preparing to break things off with your girlfriend and want to do it kindly, the good news is that it’s possible to do so. No matter how you go about ending a relationship, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll both experience some difficult emotions. However, you can still be honest while letting your soon-to-be-ex down gently. We’ve consulted relationship and psychology experts about how to break up with your girlfriend nicely—check out our guide below.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship coach, the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, Amy Chan. Check out the full interview here.

How do I break up with my girlfriend without hurting her?

Relationship therapist Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, says that the best way to break up with someone without hurting them is to be honest about your feelings. While it might be difficult to share your true feelings and reasons for the breakup, it’ll hurt your partner more if you don't acknowledge the real issue.

Steps

Section 1 of 5:

How to Break Up With Your GF

Download Article

1. 
   1
   Pick a private, low-stress time and place to break up soon. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. There's never a perfect time to end a relationship, but right before a celebration, test, or vacation isn’t ideal. Give yourself enough time to have a conversation, and try to do it when she doesn't have anything else significant going on. Don’t wait too long, though. It’s easy to find excuses for putting off a breakup, but it’s best to break things off sooner than later.

   • Think of it like ripping off a bandage. If you rip it off all in one go, the pain will be over quickly, but if you do it slowly, it’ll hurt for longer.
   • Unsure when to break things off? Check out our guide on when to know it’s time to break up.

   Meet the wikiHow Experts

   Amy Chan is a relationship coach who values personal development and spirituality.

   Cherlyn Chong is a relationship coach who specializes in breakup recovery.

   Stefanie Barthmare, M.Ed., LPC, is a psychotherapist who specializes in counseling for relationship issues.

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, is a marriage and family therapist who values improving an individual’s inner strength.

   Lauren Sanders is a dating coach who specializes in helping people find love.
2. 
   2
   Prepare yourself to feel a range of emotions when breaking up with her.. Even if you’ve gotten used to the idea of ending the relationship, when you finally break up, you may feel a lot of strong feelings. Relationship coach Cherlyn Chong explains that you could experience sadness, anger, or even a lack of emotion. It's okay to experience any and all of these feelings during a breakup. If you feel like showing emotion, don't hold back. If the emotion isn't there, for whatever reason, don't force it.

   • Chan says it’s common to feel grief during and after a breakup. It doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake by ending the relationship—it just means the relationship meant something to you.
   • Reader Poll: We asked 131 wikiHow readers if talking to someone makes them feel better when they’re upset, and 73% of them said yes. [Take Poll] If you feel upset after the breakup, share your feelings with someone you trust.
   Advertisement
3. 
   3
   Give her a truthful (but not overly harsh) explanation. If possible, plan out what you want to say ahead of time. If you can't come up with a legitimate reason for why you're no longer interested in the relationship, try journaling or talking it through with a friend. It doesn't have to be perfect, but make it authentic and thoughtful. As Ratson says, “Be clear about your reasons for breaking up. Avoid vagueness. Show your partner the respect and integrity needed for closure.”

   • When explaining the reasons for a breakup, don't compare your relationship to other relationships, advises Chong. Your relationship is your own, and your reasons for breaking up don’t have anything to do with anyone else's relationship.
   • You’ll also want to avoid over-criticizing your girlfriend or being unnecessarily brutal. You can be honest and truthful without being mean or cruel.
   • Examples of truthful explanations:
     • “I’ve had such a great time with you, and you’re so special, but we want such different things that I’m not sure we’re really compatible. I’m sorry.”
     • “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and it’s just not working for me. I don’t think we have enough in common.”
     • “I think our worldviews clash more than I initially realized, and we might both be better off apart.”
   EXPERT TIP

   

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

   Marriage & Family Therapist

   Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

   

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
   Marriage & Family Therapist

   Be honest about your feelings. While it might be difficult to share your true feelings and reasons for the breakup, in the long run, it’ll hurt your partner more if you don't acknowledge the real issues involved.
4. 
   4
   Resist the urge to argue during the breakup. When someone is being broken up with, there's a good chance that they're going to be angry. Don't feed your ex’s anger by provoking, debating, or belittling her. Exes sometimes say very hurtful things when they argue. Do your best to keep calm, knowing that you’re making the best decision for you.

   • Chan says to remember that while breaking up can be an extremely emotional time for you, your girlfriend, who hasn’t had time to prepare for the breakup, may feel even more intense emotions—she may find it hard to manage them in the moment.
   • Know that you’ll both likely be hurt by the breakup—that’s normal. You can’t control her emotions, but you can control yours.
5. 
   5
   Reassure her and listen to what she has to say. If it's appropriate, offer hugs and other appropriate signs of affection and actively listen to all she has to say with an empathetic ear. Talk about the aspects of her personality that attracted you to her in the beginning, and the traits of hers that stayed strong during the relationship. This way, she won't feel as horrible and possibly help boost her confidence.

   • You can reassure her while still being honest about why you want to end the relationship. If you want to break up because of something she’s done, you can say so while still reassuring her you care for her and wish her the best.
   • Examples of ways to reassure her:
     • “You’re such an amazing girl, and I’ve had such a great time with you, but I just think the relationship has run its course.”
     • “I know this sucks, and I’m so sorry. I just know you’re going to find someone who you’re more compatible with soon.”
     • “You’re brilliant, beautiful, funny, and I really care about you—but I just don’t think I can get past what you did, so it’s best we go our separate ways.”
6. 
   6
   Offer to talk with her at a later time if she has any questions. Unless you've decided that it's absolutely best not to talk after the breakup, give her the option of discussing things when the situation is a little calmer. This gives you both time to think, and may help her feel like she is also given a chance to get things off her chest. You might say:

   • “I know this probably came as a shock, and you might not fully process it for a while, so if you want to talk more later, I’m here.”
   • “Let me know if you’d like to meet up again to talk about this. I don’t want to cut and run, and I want us to both be able to get things off our chest if we need to.”
   • “I really care about you, and I hope you understand where I’m coming from. But if you want to talk more later, please let me know. I’m around.”
Advertisement

Section 2 of 5:

What Not to Do When Breaking Up

Download Article

1. 
   1
   Don't break up with your partner by text, phone, or email. If it's possible to break up face-to-face, try to do so. In most cases, breaking up over text or email, or even over the phone, comes across as disrespectful, and for your soon-to-be ex, it can feel like you're being evasive. Do it privately and in person, advises matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders.

   • You might not realize it, but there are benefits to ending a relationship in person. For one thing, it gives both people a chance to talk and reflect on the situation. And even though it will be harder to do, it often leads to less drama.
   • If you're in a long-distance relationship, it might be tricky to end things in person. If possible, arrange a video chat or online conversation with her at a quiet time, and break up then.
2. 
   2
   Don't place blame solely on the other person for the breakup. Ratson says, “Take responsibility for your decision. Own your decision and acknowledge that it's what you want, rather than blaming it on circumstances or on your partner.” Be prepared to discuss your relationship without pointing fingers. In an effort to be fair, and to not have your ex feel like she is directly responsible for the end of the relationship, consider mentioning the things that you could have changed to make the relationship better. For example:

   • “I think we could have both tried a little harder to meet each other’s needs.”
   • “I really like you, but I’m not sure we’re good for one another.”
   • “In hindsight, I wasn’t as supportive of you as I should have been, and I’m so sorry. But I think it’s at the point where it’s best to end things.”
   • Of course, in some cases, the blame can be solely on the other person. If your girlfriend is cheating, abusing drugs, manipulating you, or increasingly disrespecting you, you can lay the blame directly on her actions, but be aware that this may cause an argument.
3. 
   3
   Don't lead your ex on. It might be tempting to tell your ex you want to stay in touch or be friends, but if you don't 100% mean it, don't leave the door open for that possibility. Even if you do want to stay in touch, Chan recommends taking time apart right after the breakup. This way, you can both get used to life without the other person.

   • Find a nice way to say it. Instead of “Oh yeah, and I don't want to stay friends afterwards, just so you know,” try something like “You know that I care for you. I just don't think it will be healthy for either of us to stay friends immediately after we break up. Hopefully, sometime down the road, when we've both figured stuff out, we can get to that place.”
4. 
   4
   Don't gossip about your breakup with other people. Use discretion when telling mutual friends about your breakup. Not only could bragging or gossiping about the relationship hurt your ex, it could also cause unnecessary drama.

   • Tell your close friends and rely on them for support as you heal from the breakup, but don't publicize your breakup to acquaintances or people you hardly know.
   • It’s possible to inform friends without getting too detailed. You might say: “Hey, I don’t really want to get into it, but Sarah and I broke up yesterday, and I thought you should know.”
5. 
   5
   Don't be petty during or after the breakup. It can be hard to break up gracefully, especially if your ex did something to make you want to leave the relationship. But do your best to be the bigger person. Be graceful and compassionate, sensitive and thoughtful. Just because you no longer want to be with your partner doesn’t mean the situation has to be harder than it already is.
Advertisement

Section 3 of 5:

Why is it hard to break up?

Download Article

1. Breakups are hard because you care. No matter how much time you’ve spent with someone, it can be difficult to end that chapter of your life with them. Just because you’re breaking up doesn’t mean you don’t care—you might just not be compatible—and this is what makes it hard. The decision affects your life and theirs, so it’s something you have to truly think about. You may be concerned about their feelings, but in the end, you have to do what’s best for you and your life.

   • As psychotherapist Stefanie Barthmare, M.Ed., LPC, explains, “The end of a relationship, no matter what the reason, is difficult. We are wired for connection, and the length of the relationship and the level of time you have invested in this person will determine how this process unfolds.”

Section 4 of 5:

How do you move on after a breakup?

Download Article

1. After the breakup, take care of yourself and lean on loved ones. Breakups can be hard—they mark the end of one chapter and the start of the next. After a breakup, your routine may feel off, and you might struggle with feelings of disappointment, grief, and failure. But know that you’re not alone in this. Here are some healthy ways to work through moving on after a breakup:

   • Feel all of the feelings. Try not to bottle up your emotions. Allow yourself to feel everything, as ignoring or suppressing your emotions could make you feel worse.
   • Reach out to loved ones. Connecting with others can help you feel less alone. Don’t hesitate to ask for support when you need it most.
   • Remain hopeful. Know that this isn’t the end; it’s a new beginning. Try your best to remain hopeful about the future and what it may have to offer.
   • Nurture yourself. Do something for you every day. Maybe that’s taking a bubble bath, going to the movies, or taking a walk.
   • Set limits on social media. Avoid stalking your ex’s feed or doomscrolling. Remember, life is more than what’s posted online.
   • Talk to a therapist. If you’re struggling after your breakup, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Talk to a licensed counselor or therapist for extra support.
Advertisement

Section 5 of 5:

Final Takeaways

Download Article

1. Ultimately, you can’t control how your ex will handle the breakup. However, you can control your own reaction and how you break the news. Aim to break up with her in a private place at a low-stress time, face-to-face. Listen to her empathetically, and avoid getting heated or engaging in an argument. Remember, she’s probably going through as many emotions as you did while coming to the decision. So, have grace and respect—the time the two of you had together was not wasted.

Additional Help

Breakup Opening Lines

Sample Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Coping with Negative Reactions to a Breakup

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

• Question

  How do you get over your ex?

  

  Cherlyn Chong
  Relationship Coach

  Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach. With 6 years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional women who want to get over their exes and find love again. She has experience as an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.

  

  Cherlyn Chong

  Relationship Coach

  Expert Answer

  When you break up with someone, it can feel like a really long and mountainous journey. If you don't have a compass or a clear path, you may feel lost. To regain direction it's important to make the decision to move on, and start doing seemingly insignificant tasks that bring you forward each day. Ultimately, you have to break the cycle of wallowing, and nobody can break it except you.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 8 Helpful 31
• Question

  My gf broke up over text. Do I have the right to ask for a face to face? Or should I just let it go? The breakup just came out of nowhere.

  

  wikiHow Staff Editor
  Staff Answer

  This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

  

  wikiHow Staff Editor

  Staff Answer

  We're so sorry that happened. That's rough. While it would have been kinder of her to end the relationship in person, it sounds like you might be better off without her. That said, if you feel like you could get some closure from a face-to-face conversation, it may be worth asking her if she's up for it.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 7 Helpful 18
• Question

  If you started the relationship over the phone and you don't feel confident breaking up in person, is it OK to break up over the phone?

  

  wikiHow Staff Editor
  Staff Answer

  This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

  

  wikiHow Staff Editor

  Staff Answer

  In most cases, breaking up in person is the way to go, but if you began the relationship over the phone and much of your relationship took place via phone, breaking up over the phone may work for you, especially if you're long-distance. If you want to make your breakup a bit more personal but can't meet in person, try initiating a video call with your girlfriend.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 4 Helpful 13

See more answers

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement

Video

Read Video Transcript

Tips

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

You Might Also Like

Expert

1

How to

Break up With a Girl

Expert

2

How to

Break up With a Girl After a Really Short Relationship

Expert

3

How to

Break Up with Someone the Right Way

Expert

4

How to

Break Up with a Long Distance Girlfriend

Expert

5

How to

Break Up with Someone Respectfully

Expert

6

How to

Break Up with Your Girlfriend over the Phone

Expert

7

How to

Amicably End a Relationship

Expert

8

How to

End a Relationship with Someone Who Loves You

Expert

9

How to

Let Someone Down Easy: Tips & Tricks

Expert

10

How to

Break up With a Guy Nicely

Expert

11

How to

Break Up with Someone As Painlessly As Possible

Expert

12

How to

Break Up with Someone You Love

Expert

13

How to

Break Up Over the Phone

Expert

14

How to

Break Up Easily

Advertisement