Does Your Boyfriend Still Want to Be with You? 10 Ways to Get the Truth

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 5, 2024 Fact Checked

Talking to your boyfriend about his feelings can be tough, especially if you’re nervous or anxious. When you’re in a relationship, you might feel great about it—but it’s hard to know if your boyfriend feels the same way. If you want to check in with him about your relationship but you aren’t sure how, keep reading to learn a few ways you can ask him about it.

1

Pick the right time and place.

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Go somewhere private and quiet so you two can talk alone. Aim for a time when you and your boyfriend aren’t rushed, and you don’t have anywhere else to be later. Try to talk when both of you are in good moods and you aren’t feeling stressed or anxious.^{[1]
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- Going on a little date night is the perfect time for a chat like this. A secluded walk in the park or a quiet corner of the restaurant is the perfect spot for a serious talk.

2

Tell him how you feel first.

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Lead the conversation by telling him how happy you are. You can let your boyfriend know that you really like being in a relationship with him. If he feels the same way, he’ll probably say it right back to you. Try something like:^{[2]
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- “I’m really happy that we’re together.”
- “I think our relationship is going really well.”

3

Ask how he feels about your relationship.

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See if there are any issues he wants to bring up. You can ask him how he feels about your relationship so far to see if he still wants to be with you. If he does, he’ll probably say that the relationship is going well.^{[3]
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- Say something like, “How do you feel about our relationship?” or, “Are you happy with our relationship?”
- If he isn’t 100% happy, that doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t want to be with you. You two might need to have a longer chat to see what he’s unhappy with and what you two can do to fix it.

4

Bring up things you’ve noticed.

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Maybe his actions are making you a little worried. If he’s seeming bored with your relationship, you could ask him if he thinks you two are stuck in a rut. If he’s been distant lately, try asking if you’re meeting all of his needs. Get specific with it so you two can talk out any issues.^{[4]
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- You might say something like, “You seem like you’ve been a little bored lately. Are we getting stuck in a rut?”
- Or, “It seems like you’ve been pulling away from me a bit. Are you okay?”

5

Ask him what he likes about your relationship.

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If he can name a few things, he probably wants to be with you. See what he’s happy with in your relationship to understand what he’s feeling. You can follow up with a few things you like about your relationship, too.^{[5]
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- Say something like, “What do you like about our relationship?” or, “What’s the best thing about our relationship?”

6

Bring up your future together.

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If he considers it a long-term relationship, that’s a good sign. You can check in with him about how he’s feeling by seeing what the end goal is. If he assures you that he sees you together for a long time (or even forever), it means that he still wants to be with you. Ask something like:^{[6]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

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- “Do you see us staying together long-term?”
- “How long do you think we’re gonna be together?”

7

Ask outright to be direct.

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It’s the best way to get your message across. If you feel like your boyfriend might not want to be with you anymore, simply ask him if he does or not. If he does still want to be with you, he’ll have no problem answering that question.^{[7]
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- Just say something like, “Do you still want to be with me?”

8

Tell him you need reassurance.

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He might not understand why you’re asking him these questions. You can tell him straight up that you need more reassurance in your relationship to truly believe he wants to be with you. He’ll probably understand where you’re coming from, and he might even offer you more reassurance in the future.^{[8]
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- You could say, “I get a little anxious when it comes to relationships, and I need a lot of reassurance from my partner. Hearing you say that you want to be with me makes me feel secure.”

9

Accept what he says as the truth.

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Your anxiety might try to tell you that he’s lying. However, that isn’t the case! When your boyfriend tells you that he wants to be with you, try to believe him. People generally say what they mean, so you don’t need to be worried that he’s saying one thing but thinking another.^{[9]
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- If you think there’s an issue in your relationship, bring it up with him so you two can talk it out and figure out a solution.
- Similarly, if he's giving you signs that he's not interested, don't convince yourself he wants to be with you. For instance, if he says something like, "I'm not sure what I want right now," he's likely just being vague to avoid hurting your feelings—chances are, he's losing interest in the relationship.^{[10]
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10

Try not to ask all the time.

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Giving constant reassurance can be a little exhausting. It’s fine to ask once in a while, but checking in with your partner every day can be excessive. If you can, try to listen to what your boyfriend says and take it to heart so you don’t have to keep checking in with him.^{[11]
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- Keep in mind that he might need some reassurance, too! Try to let him know that you still want to be with him whenever you can.

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If you feel anxious about your relationship a lot, a mental health professional may be able to help.^{[12]
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