13 Potential Reasons Why You Enjoy Spending Time Alone

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Plus, tips for making the most of your time alone

Written by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP | Edited by Ali Garbacz, B.A.

Last Updated: September 1, 2023 References

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• Reasons You Might Like Being Alone
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• Is it healthy to spend time alone?
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• Enjoying Your Time Alone

|Show more |Show less

There’s nothing wrong with preferring to do things on your own and spending time by yourself. Maybe you’re an introvert who needs some time to recharge after socializing for a long time, or maybe you just feel more relaxed when doing things by yourself. This article dives into the many different reasons why you might prefer alone time over time with others, and we’ve also included plenty of advice about how to enjoy your solo time.

This article is based on an interview with our clinical therapist and adjunct professor, Rebecca Tenzer, owner of Astute Counseling Services. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

• You may prefer being alone if you’re introverted or independent. You might find that you value your own inner dialogue and that you're self-reliant.
• On the other hand, you might feel emotionally drained around other people, especially if you're an empath.
• Being alone has both pros and cons depending on your perspective. It’s a matter of changing your thoughts from “I’m alone” to “I’m looking forward to my alone time.”

Steps

Section 1 of 3:

Reasons You Might Like Being Alone

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1. 
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   You’re an introvert. If you’re an introvert, you might find social situations draining after a while and actually seek out alone time to recharge yourself. Introverts also are usually very deep thinkers and have a very creative and rich imagination, so you might really enjoy being alone so you can explore your thoughts and engage in self-reflection.

   • If you’re an introvert, you might also notice that you’re rather selective about who you choose to hang out with. This doesn’t mean that you’re asocial, but you may just prefer to have a small group of close friends as opposed to hanging out with a bunch of people who are just acquaintances.
   • If you’re curious about what your social style is, take wikiHow’s “Introvert or Extrovert” quiz to find out where you fall on the spectrum.
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   You’re on the shy side. Shyness certainly isn’t a bad thing, but it might just mean that you’re more comfortable with familiar things and a bit more nervous or uneasy with new situations and people. To you, being alone might be when you feel most comfortable, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

   • Being shy doesn’t mean you completely dislike being around others. In fact, you may still enjoy hanging out with people who know you well.
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   You’re an empath. Empaths are people who are able to sense others’ emotions and feel them as though they’re their own. Due to their sensitive nature, empaths usually need time to themselves to recharge and decompress after being around so many different emotions all day. If you’re an empath, you might notice that you need time each day to yourself and may actually look forward to being alone after interacting with a lot of people.

   • Empaths tend to become easily overwhelmed or overstimulated due to how in tune they are with other people’s emotions.
   • If you’re an empath, you might especially enjoy being out in nature alone to reenergize yourself and spend some time alone with your thoughts.
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   You like living an independent lifestyle. While doing things with family, friends, or a partner can certainly be fun, you might also find lots of enjoyment in doing things by yourself. When you’re alone, you don’t have to worry about constantly checking in to see how others are doing, which can be quite freeing. To you, your alone time might be a chance to pamper yourself and do the things you personally enjoy.

   • For example, rather than spending Friday night with friends, you might take yourself out on a date by going to your favorite restaurant, buying yourself a treat, or staying in and binging your favorite show.
   • Instead of making plans with friends, you might wait for them to invite you out because you prefer spending your time alone.
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   You work best when you’re alone. Every person is different when it comes to being productive. While some people may work best when other people are around, you might find that you get more work done when you’re by yourself. You might also find that you’re able to tap into more creative ideas and achieve the best results when you’re left to your own devices.

   • You might be drawn to jobs that require a lot of solo work, such as writing, graphic designing, software development, or data entry.
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   You feel content with your life. One study found that people who aren’t afraid of being alone were less likely to be sensitive to otter people’s rejection or get their feelings easily hurt. On top of that, when they were involved in romantic relationships, their self-esteem didn’t depend heavily on how that relationship was faring. In other words, you may prefer and enjoy being alone simply because you’re confident in yourself and the things you like.

   • You might also be confident in your relationships and know that spending some alone time won’t affect or damage your bonds with other people.
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   You’re emotionally independent. Being emotionally independent is all about building up resilience and depending on your inner self to solve issues and create change in your life. Rather than turning to other people and relying on them to solve your issues, you feel confident in your ability to go after the things you want and not let your actions or mood be influenced by others.

   • Achieving emotional independence relies heavily on your ability to accept yourself and get rid of negative or unhelpful perceptions of yourself.
   • Of course, being emotionally independent doesn’t mean you completely reject all relationships in your life. You might just feel more confident and calm when you’re left to your own thoughts and devices.
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   You like to be alone with your thoughts. If you’re a deep thinker, you might treasure your alone time and use it as an opportunity to explore your many thoughts. Being with others doesn't give you a lot of time to delve into your imagination or other musings, so you may prefer being alone so that you can get in touch with your more creative side or do some self-reflecting and get to know yourself.
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   You want to avoid drama. Dealing with drama between friends, family, coworkers, or any other people in your life can be exhausting. So it’s completely understandable if you prefer to be alone to just get away from all of it. In fact, you might have come to the realization that being alone and avoiding drama is the best course of action for your mental and emotional health.
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    You’re focusing on yourself instead of pleasing others. Being a people pleaser can be exhausting and cause you to feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin. If you’ve noticed that you tend to put others’ needs before your own, you might find yourself preferring alone time so that you can address your own wants and needs and take care of yourself. Some common traits of people pleasers include:

    • Being very agreeable
    • Having difficulty saying no to others
    • Being conflict-averse
    • Being hasty to take on blame
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    You’re trying to avoid negative people. Negative people can be really hard to be around, especially if they direct that negativity toward you. If you have friends, coworkers, or family members who are overly critical, constantly like to start drama, or make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, it’s natural that you might prefer to be alone rather than spend time with them for the sake of protecting your well-being.

    • Being alone may also be your way of protecting yourself from insincere connections and fake friends. Rather than exerting your energy with people who aren’t genuine, you might find more satisfaction in being by yourself.
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    You may have an avoidant attachment style. Someone with an avoidant attachment style will often avoid forming close relationships with others usually for the sake of protecting themselves. They tend to have an overall negative view of others and a positive view of themselves, and they often believe that they’re capable of doing things without the help of others.

    • This attachment style is often the result of neglect or emotional rejection from a caregiver during a person’s childhood, and they use withdrawal to protect themselves from being hurt.
    • If you feel like you have an avoidant attachment style, building healthy interpersonal relationships and allowing yourself to trust others is an important part of healing.
    • If you think you may need more support to heal this attachment style, talking to a therapist can help you work through your inner thoughts and feelings.
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    You may be dealing with social anxiety. Social anxiety disorder is a mental health condition that causes a person to feel extremely fearful and anxious about being judged by others. It’s different from the nervousness or embarrassment you may feel when you have to give a presentation or talk to new people. Social anxiety can affect your ability to do everyday tasks, such as going to the store, eating at a restaurant, or attending social gatherings. Because of this anxiety, you might feel safest when you’re alone.

    • If you think you may have social anxiety, talk to a doctor or psychologist to begin taking steps to overcome it.
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Section 2 of 3:

Is it healthy to spend time alone?

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1. 
   There's nothing wrong with spending time alone (as long as it feels good). Alone time presents you with a great opportunity to pursue your interests, do some self-reflection, and take care of your physical and mental health. There's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your own company! That said, for some, being alone can also lead to feelings of loneliness or sadness. So, in short: as long as you feel great solo, there's nothing wrong with it.

   • But you should keep a look out for negative feelings; if they start to pop up, consider adding more social activities in to your schedule!

Section 3 of 3:

Enjoying Your Time Alone

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1. 
   1
   Continue to think of your alone time as an exciting thing. Your ability to enjoy being alone is heavily influenced by your perception of alone time. If you view being alone as something that’ll just make you feel lonely and down, it can be hard to enjoy it. On the other hand, if you think of alone time as something to look forward to, you’ll likely be able to continue enjoying the time you spend by yourself.

   • Instead of telling yourself, “I’m alone,” reframe your thinking to be more along the lines of, “I get to enjoy some time by myself tonight.”
   • It helps if you have something to look forward to. Maybe you have a show you’ve been wanting to watch or a new cafe you’ve wanted to visit. Make a list of things you’re looking forward to doing during your time alone.
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   Spend this time pursuing your hobbies and interests. Being alone means you get to spend your time however you want, so this is the perfect time to dive into some of your hobbies or explore new interests. Exercise, craft, go hiking, listen to music, read a book—the possibilities are endless.

   • Alone time also presents you with the opportunity to learn something new. Research things on the internet you’re curious about, watch some online lectures, or even sign up for an online course for something that interests you.
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   Get to know yourself through self-reflection. Alone time can also present you with the opportunity to do some self-exploration and reflect on your deeper thoughts and emotions. Spend this time practicing mindfulness by doing meditation or doing some breathing exercises to focus on yourself and the present moment. This is a time to prioritize yourself and your thoughts without others distracting you.

   • Another idea is to spend this time journaling and writing down your thoughts and feelings.
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   Get out of the house. Being alone doesn’t mean you have to spend all day cooped up in your house. The world is your oyster, so get out there and do things that’ll bring you happiness and excitement. Go for a hike, explore the place you live, or even go on a solo trip somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit. There are so many exciting activities out there to try!
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   Do some self-care and relax. Being alone gives you an opportunity to focus on your mental health and well-being. Put on some relaxing music, lay down and binge your favorite show, take a hot bath, or let yourself get absorbed in a really good book. Alone time is when you can shut off your brain and just focus on doing things that make you feel calm and content.

   • Being alone is also the time to really asses your physical health and make changes to improve it. Make sure you’re eating enough each day, getting enough quality sleep each night, and exercising to both stay in shape and fight off stress.
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