18 Key Characteristics to Look for in a Guy

Find out what qualities you should be on the lookout for on your next date

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and Cheyenne Main

Last Updated: June 24, 2025 Fact Checked

When you’re deep in the dating game, knowing what qualities to look for in a guy can help you recognize who’s long-term partner material. If you’re wondering whether your new love interest is a keeper, try looking at some of the qualities below and seeing if you can check off most of the boxes. We interviewed Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Chloe Charmichael to find out the best traits to look for in a potential partner. Keep reading to learn more!

1

Kindness

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Kindness is one of the most valuable traits to look for in a partner.^{[1]
X
Research source} How a guy treats other people can tell you a lot about how he’ll treat you in a relationship.

A man who is compassionate and courteous to others will most likely be the same way to you, even when he’s having a bad day.

How to know if he’s kind: Watch how he treats people who have less power than him like wait staff or his employees.

2

Confidence

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A confident guy knows who he is, accepts his mistakes, and moves forward in a calm and collected way.^{[2]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}

Self-confidence can be an important quality in a partner because it can put others at ease and create a deeper sense of empathy.^{[3]
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Research source} When a man is confident, he doesn’t question himself and he’s secure in his relationship with you.

How to know if he’s confident: Observe how he handles challenges and reacts when he makes a mistake.

3

Humor

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Life can be a rollercoaster full of ups and downs, but a guy with a good sense of humor can always pick you up when you’re feeling down.

Laughter can relieve stress, elevate your mood, and make you more resilient to change—which are all incredibly valuable for creating intimacy and maintaining a solid, successful relationship.^{[4]
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How to know if he has a sense of humor: See if he always tries to make you laugh and never takes life too seriously.

4

Integrity

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Having integrity means following through on your commitments, being honest, and putting the needs of your partner above your own.^{[5]
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When a guy has integrity, you know you can trust him when you’re not around. He stands up for what he believes in, and always chooses what’s right over what’s fast or easy.^{[6]
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How to know if he has integrity: Ask about what he values in a relationship and in life, and see if he follows through on them.

5

Stability

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Stable, secure relationships generally mean lower levels of stress, higher levels of comfort, and a greater ability to resolve conflicts and solve problems together.^{[7]
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When a guy is stable, he’s committed to finding solutions when conflict arises, he controls his anger, and he has a standard day-to-day routine you can easily keep up with.

How to know if he’s stable: He has a steady job, he keeps his calm when things get hard, and he shows up when he says he will.

6

Respect

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A respectful guy gives you the freedom to be yourself and values your feelings and opinions.

You can talk openly and honestly with each other, speak kindly to each other, give each other space, and honor each other’s boundaries, no matter what.^{[8]
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How to know if he’s respectful: He doesn’t try to control you, and when the two of you argue, he listens to what you say and always finds a way to compromise.

7

Positivity

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Having a relationship with someone who’s always looking at the half-empty part of life can be draining.

On the other hand, being with a guy who has an optimistic outlook on life can help you get through difficult times together, reduce conflict, and see your partner in a more positive light.^{[9]
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How to know if he’s positive: Watch how he reacts to bad news—positive people might see the good in a situation even when things are difficult.

8

Emotional intelligence

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Masculinity can be incredibly attractive, but you know what can be even more attractive? Being in touch with your emotions.

Guys with high emotional awareness tend to be more self-aware and empathetic and address their needs and feelings in a calm, straightforward way.^{[10]
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How to know if he’s emotionally intelligent: He expresses his feelings, actively looks for ways to improve your relationship, and views challenges as new opportunities to grow.^{[11]
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9

Ambition

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Being in a relationship with a guy with a healthy level of ambition can make you excited about the world around you and inspire you to grow.^{[12]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}

According to psychologist Dr. Chloe Carmichael, “Somebody who has ambition is somebody that is ready and willing to engage with life… You naturally would rather be with a partner who has a zeal and an excitement about the world around them [because] you could potentially also benefit from their ambition.”^{[13]
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Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview}

How to know if he’s ambitious: He sets realistic goals, takes calculated risks in his career, and actively exposes himself to new ways of thinking.^{[14]
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10

Supportiveness

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Celebrating triumphs in life, no matter how big or small, can strengthen the bond between you and your partner and positively impact your happiness.^{[15]
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A supportive guy not only encourages your growth but enthusiastically celebrates your accomplishments and ignores any envy they may feel.^{[16]
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How to know if he’s supportive: When you get an award or a promotion, he’s happy at your success and sincerely congratulates you.

11

Independence

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The right guy knows that spending time away from your partner and gaining new skills, friends, and hobbies can be incredibly valuable.^{[17]
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He doesn’t expect you to change who you are, encourages you to do what you love, and pushes you to grow outside of his relationship with you.

How to know if he’s independent: He makes sure you both make time for yourselves as individuals and he’s happy to spend time together, alone, or separately with other people.

12

Curiosity

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A man who has a thirst for knowledge and is curious about the world and you can be an incredibly valuable partner in a relationship.

Research suggests that curious people are more capable of navigating difficult social situations, fostering positive emotions and intimacy.^{[18]
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How to know if he’s curious: He asks questions about you or something you’re interested in and always seems interested in learning new things.

13

Attentiveness

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In a world full of distractions, a guy who makes an effort to put down the phone and pay attention to you can definitely be a keeper.

Attention is the most basic form of love, and when a partner not only fits you into his schedule but engages with you fully and completely, your relationship may be less likely to slip through the cracks.^{[19]
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How to know if he’s attentive: He sets aside time for the two of you to connect, makes eye contact, and puts his phone away during your time together.

14

Good communication skills

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Communication is an essential part of any relationship.^{[20]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}

When a guy is clear about his needs, actively listens to you, and lets you speak without interruption, you can more easily navigate conflict and avoid misunderstandings.^{[21]
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How to know if he has good communication skills: He uses “I” statements to talk about his feelings, thinks before he speaks, and adjusts his tone during difficult conversations.

15

Passion

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When a guy is passionate about something, whether it’s his work, his hobbies, or a new TV show, it can allow you to see a new side of him and keep the romance alive.

Engaging in shared activities and finding new ways to grow can change how you interact with your partner and spark feelings of desire and passion when the honeymoon phase starts to fade.^{[22]
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How to know if he’s passionate: He might excitedly tell you about something new he’s been working on or work to find new activities for you to do together.^{[23]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}

16

Responsibility

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A responsible guy takes ownership of his behavior and actively works to improve your relationship.^{[24]
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He acknowledges that what he says and does affects you, holds himself accountable for his mistakes, and works to move past challenges and make your relationship stronger.

How to know if he’s responsible: He always shows up on time and recognizes when his behavior hurts you.

17

Honesty

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An authentic and honest man shows all the different sides of who he is and is willing to be truthful and open about what he thinks and feels.

That doesn’t mean he has to say every thought that enters his mind, but when he’s willing to tell you meaningful and vulnerable things about himself, it can be a sign that he feels trust and security in your relationship.^{[25]
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How to know if he’s honest: Watch to see if he follows through on his promises and doesn’t try to hide his plans or his past from you.

18

Shared values

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One of the most important things to look for in a man is your shared values. Your core values direct your words and actions—they’re the foundation of how you live your life.

Having a partner who shares your values is important because even when shared interests and attraction fade, your core values will always be there.^{[26]
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How to know if you share the same values: Ask him about his political opinions, religious beliefs, and what he imagines your future together to look like.
- What other qualities do you look for in a life partner? Share them at wikiHow's "What should you look for in a partner?" forum!
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Remember, attraction goes beyond physical appearance. Look for a guy that's intelligent, confident, and kind. Someone who shares your values and uplifts you matters most in a fulfilling relationship.

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What should I avoid or some common mistakes when finding a partner?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

One of the prevalent errors individuals make in their quest for a partner is succumbing to desperation or the belief that finding someone else will complete them. Attempting to fill an internal void or address personal shortcomings through a relationship often leads to complications. Even when a connection is established, issues arise because the individuals involved haven't undertaken personal growth. The misconception that a partner will serve as a panacea for all one's problems becomes a significant stumbling block. Another common mistake involves assessing potential partners solely based on external attractiveness without considering your own self-improvement. For instance, if someone is exclusively drawn to fit individuals physically but neglects their well-being through poor dietary habits and a lack of exercise, the likelihood of attracting such partners diminishes. Conversely, undervaluing oneself is equally detrimental. Constant self-deprecation and failing to build one's self-esteem create a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein individuals attract partners who align with their negative self-perception. Therefore, it is crucial to cultivate self-awareness and work on personal growth before seeking a partner. Focusing on building a positive self-image, both physically and emotionally, increases the likelihood of forming healthy connections with individuals who appreciate and complement the best version of oneself.

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