How to Tell Someone You Don't Want to Be Friends (with Examples)

Ending a friendship with someone is difficult for both you and them. No matter your particular circumstances or situation, you'll want to end the friendship without hurting their feelings and making an enemy for life. This article will introduce direct and indirect methods of gracefully telling someone you don't want to be their friend, with thoughtful advice from life coach and relationship expert, Jessica George.

How to End a Friendship

Be direct. Be honest & tell them you don't want to hang out anymore.
Let it fade. Stop responding to texts & invitations, and don't seek them out.
Move on. Cut off contact as much as possible and avoid leading them on.

Letter and Examples to Politely End a Friendship

Sample Example Letter to Politely End a Friendship

Sample Examples to Politely End a Friendship

Section 1 of 5:

Ending the Friendship Directly by Talking

1
Set up a time and place to talk. How you decide to meet with your friend and talk about ending the friendship depends on the length of your friendship, how close you are, and how you both usually talk. Make sure you choose a time, place, and method of talking that best fits the needs of your friendship, not the one that’s just easiest or least awkward for you.
- If you’ve been good friends for a long time, meet in person. See if you can meet at a place where you can have some privacy. Give them a heads-up that you want to meet to talk about something important so they’ll set aside enough time for you.
- If you’ve been friends for a short time, or you usually communicate online or on the phone, send them an email or call them.
2
Address the problem with your friendship. Avoid listing your friend's faults or being too specific since getting into too much detail may be hurtful. Instead, focus on your feelings about your relationship and how you don't see it progressing any further. Think of what you’d like to say beforehand and practice it in your head or with someone you trust. Below are examples of clear, generic ways to say you want to end your friendship.
- "It seems like our lives are heading in different directions and we have different goals, so I'd like to step back from our friendship."
- "I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think we're a good fit as long-term friends. We don’t have any of the same interests and our personalities seem to clash."
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3
Express appreciation for the good parts of your relationship. Let your friend know you like and care for them. Say “thank you” for the experiences you shared. Tell them what you like about them as a person, which will balance out and soften the blow of why you want to end the friendship.^{[1]
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- Avoid being excessively flattering or generous. If you try to sweeten your rejection with dishonest compliments, flattery, presents, or snacks, they might receive mixed messages.
- Avoid giving them false hope that the friendship could continue.
- You can say, "I appreciate all the experiences we've shared during our summers together. I like that you're always trying to make sure everyone has fun."
4
Avoid blaming and shaming. Don't tell your friend it’s their fault or that something is wrong with them as a person. Instead, focus on the specific behavior or actions you don’t like. Avoid accusing them or shaming them for who they are.
- For example, if you have a good friend who has been getting involved in inappropriate, perhaps even illegal activities, you can say, "I’ve noticed you’re spending more time with people who smoke and drink. Your friendship has meant a lot to me, but I am not comfortable around those things. That's not how I want to have fun.”
5
Let them respond. Even if you’re nice and respectful, this is still an emotional and difficult conversation. Give your friend time and space to react. They may be angry, sad, defensive, or try to tell you you’re wrong.^{[2]
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- Stay true to your feelings. Don’t let them change your mind.
- If they don’t want to listen or try to convince you to stay friends, be firm. Repeat a phrase like “This isn’t working out.”
6
Show empathy for their feelings. Acknowledge their emotions and express understanding of how they may be feeling. Be kind and considerate of the fact they may be hurting. Avoid leaving right away because you’re uncomfortable. You might say:^{[3]
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- “I know you must be feeling hurt right now.”
- “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
- “I bet you’re feeling really shocked right now.”
7
Stay positive about the future. End the conversation by expressing gratitude and appreciation for who they are as a person, even if you no longer wish to be close to them. Encourage them and remind them of their value as a friend to be positive. You can say:^{[4]
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- “I’m so glad I got to know you.”
- “I appreciate all the good times we shared together.”
- “I wish you happiness and joy in your other friendships.”

Section 2 of 5:

Ending the Friendship Indirectly by Letting It Fade

1
Limit your interactions with them. Sometimes the more direct approach of talking is too hurtful or inappropriate, particularly if you haven’t been friends with the other person long. Try limiting the amount of time you spend around them. They’ll eventually get the hint and leave you alone, but this could take a while.^{[6]
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- If you have to be around them, keep your interactions short and impersonal. Focus your conversation and attention on others.
- Keep in mind that if you were close friends, this type of avoidance may be confusing to the other person and cause conflict.
- Don't try to avoid them completely unless they pose a threat to you George advises. That gives them power over you. Instead, she says, "Acknowledge their presence and then find a polite way to leave the conversation."^{[7]
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  Jessica George, MA, CHt
  Certified Professional Master Life Coach
  
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2
Limit the attention you give them over the phone. Your friend or acquaintance may still try to interact with you outside of seeing you in person. Don't respond to their DMs, text messages, emails, or phone calls.
- If you haven’t already given them your phone number, make sure you don’t at this point.
- If you’re hesitant to immediately stop responding to all of their texts or calls, cut them off gradually.^{[8]
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  Research source} For example, every time they text you, take a few hours longer to respond until more than a day has passed, then stop answering altogether.
- Especially avoid responding to text messages or calls that occur late at night or that the other person uses to try to pull you into drama. Responding to them with help will send them a mixed message that you’re available to them as a friend.
3
Stay busy with other friends and activities. Spend more time with other friends or your family. Avoid accepting any invitations to spend time with this person, especially for anything one-on-one.
- Give excuses. Anytime they invite you out, tell them you have a doctor’s appointment, plans with your family or another friend, or that you’re not feeling well. They’ll likely get the hint and stop inviting you to things.^{[9]
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- If they express concern or surprise at you not wanting to spend time with them, you may need to address it directly. You can say, “I know I’ve been fading out, but I just don’t have the time or energy to connect with you as often anymore. I’m sorry.”^{[10]
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Stop interacting with them online. Avoid commenting on or liking their pictures and posts. Adjust the privacy settings on your social media accounts so they can't see or comment on anything you post. Consider blocking them or hiding them from your account.

Section 3 of 5:

Direct vs Indirect Approach to Ending a Friendship

1
Choose the direct approach if you were recently close friends. If you were good friends with the person in the past, you may want to talk to them directly or at least write them a letter explaining the break. Otherwise they may keep reaching out and will think it's strange when you don't respond. This method will also hurt their feelings less since they won't have to worry if they did something to drive you away.
- Some people don't take hints very well and need to be told important information. If the person you don't want to be friends with anymore is this way, talking it out will work best.
If the other person is merely an acquaintance and not someone you've known intimately or for a long time, you may want to let the friendship fade. They could easily continue on with their lives without even realizing you've decided not to associate them anymore. Talking to them about it might just create unnecessary drama.

Section 4 of 5:

Moving On

1
Set boundaries for interacting with them. You may still have to see your former friend at school or work. Try to make the transition from friendship easier by limiting the time you spend with them, showing no interest in drama, and avoiding sending mixed signals. Here are some actionable ways to accomplish these goals.
- Spend less time together or break off all contact.
- Unfollow or hide the other person's account on social media.
- Avoid sitting next to them in class or at work.
- Keep other supportive people around.
- Keep your conversations light. Reduce how much you rely on or confide in them.
George advises against insulting your ex-friend or saying anything derogatory about them to others if you do have to interact with them. Even though you’re growing apart, you used to be friends or liked each other at one point. There’s no need to be mean to them in public or talk about them behind their back. As George says, "Stay classy."^{[11]
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Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach

Expert Interview}
3
Let yourself grieve. Give yourself time to cry and express your hurt feelings, just like you would if you had broken up with a romantic interest. This grieving process is especially important if you were very close or friends for a long time. Healthy ways you can grieve include:
- Talking to other friends and loved ones
- Spending time at home with things that comfort you, like your pet or a favorite TV show
- Going outside and exercising
- Keeping a journal
4
Learn from the experience. Once you’ve had time apart from your friend, think about how you felt in the friendship and what you learned from it. Reflect on what went well and wrong in the friendship, what qualities annoyed you about your friend, and what you’d do differently in the future.
- Look at your own behavior, not just theirs. Remember, relationships are 2-way streets. While their actions may have caused the split, you may also have room for improvement. For example, you could work on choosing better friends.
- Learn what limits you need to set with friends in the future.
- Avoid friends who ask too much of you or always expect you to let them dump all their problems on you.^{[12]
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Friendships, just like romantic relationships, have a natural life cycle. This means you might be drawn together because of things you have in common, like work, school, or hobbies; but as you get older and your interests change, you may grow apart from each other naturally. Sometimes you just outgrow people, and that’s okay.^{[13]
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Section 5 of 5:

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1
Should I ghost them? In general, you shouldn't ghost people, especially if you've known them for a while. It's kinder to talk to them directly or let the friendship fade over time. The exceptions are if the other person is toxic and abusive, in which case you should cut them off as quickly as possible.
2
How do I handle an upset or angry reaction? Stay calm and show empathy by letting the angry person experience their negative feelings. Once they get over the initial shock, they may feel better and be able to speak rationally again. If they become insulting or violent, however, get up and leave or hang up immediately (if you're talking to them on the phone).
3
How do I politely tell someone I don't want to hang out? You can be direct and say, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested in doing that" or be indirect and make excuses for why you can't meet up. For example, you can say, "I can't, I'm sorry, I'm really busy" or "I've already made plans." If you make excuses long enough, they may take the hint or lose interest in you.

Join the Discussion...

How to tell your friend you don't want to be friends anymore.

Rosebud_1444

So my friend has been acting weird lately, Weirder than usual. For instance she sits at the front of the classroom and I sit at the back, So she turns her head GOES OUT OF HER WAY and makes funny faces at me. IDK if she is trying to be funny or annoy me, I get very annoyed and want it to stop but I don't want to come off as mean.

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What should I do if the person keeps coming back, no matter what I try?

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Unfortunately, you may have to be more firm and risk hurting the person's feelings. You will need to be up front and blunt, so that they won't misinterpret your words and actions. For example, you could say: "I don't want you to take this personally, it's just that I don't want to be friends with you anymore."

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How do you deal with an annoying person who wants to be your best friend?

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Tell them politely that you're sorry, but you don't want to be best friends. It is up to you whether you want to tell them the reason why - you could outright say that you find them annoying, or just that you don't think you're compatible.

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What do I do if my friend starts cursing at me or spreading rumors about me after I tell her I don't want to be friends anymore?

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Don't engage in or respond to her attacks. If she starts cursing or badmouthing you to others, this is just more evidence that you shouldn't be friends. If you're firm and keep your head high, she'll likely get over her hurt feelings and leave you alone. Don't be tempted to respond back with anger or spreading rumors yourself. Rely on support from friends, parents, or even counselors if the bullying continues.

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Tips

Be kind and compassionate when you end a friendship. Think about how you’d want to be treated in a similar situation and treat them the same way.

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Even if the other person gets angry, don’t respond to them with anger. Keep calm and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

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If you need help, ask your friends for polite ways to tell the person you do not want to be friends with them.
Be honest about why you don't want to be their friend anymore.

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