Should I Text Him?

Take this quiz to see if you should hit him up!

To text or not to text, that is the question. When is it okay to be the one to reach out?

Answer these quick questions, and we’ll tell you whether or not you should text him.

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Questions Overview

1. What's your relationship to him, right now?
  1. He's an ex from a long time ago.
  2. He's my situationship.
  3. He's an ex from a recent relationship or breakup.
  4. Something else.
2. Who sent the last text?
  1. He did, a while ago.
  2. He did, pretty recently.
  3. I did, a while ago.
  4. I did, pretty recently.
  5. We haven't texted before.
3. What are you hoping might happen if you text him?
  1. I want a romantic relationship.
  2. I just want a friend or someone to talk to.
  3. I want to see how he's doing. It's been a while...
  4. Something else.
4. Be honest: Are you in a good place, mentally, to text him? (Are you lonely, stressed, etc.?)
  1. Totally! I've thought it through. My mind is clear.
  2. Maybe. My feelings are sorta complicated.
  3. Not really. I just want to text him because I can't help myself.
  4. I'm not sure.
5. How do you usually feel when you talk to him? (In person or over text.)
  1. I feel a rush, like I'm watching a thrilling movie and need to see what happens next.
  2. I feel comfortable and at home, like I've known him forever.
  3. I feel confused, agitated, or frustrated. Like, why is this so hard?
  4. Something else. / I'm not sure. / I haven't talked to him yet.
6. Is he currently single (or is he available)?
  1. No, he's in a relationship with someone (who isn't me).
  2. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
  3. Does it matter?
  4. I'm not sure, or it's complicated.
7. Are the two of you on good terms right now?
  1. Yeah, we're chill!
  2. Not really.
  3. I'm not sure.
  4. We're not on any terms because we haven't talked yet.
8. Has he ever left you on read?
  1. Yeah, and it felt like it was on purpose.
  2. Yes, but I don't think it was on purpose.
  3. Nah, he always gets back to me eventually.
  4. I don't remember. / We haven't talked yet.
9. Choose the text you're most likely to send right now:
  1. "Hey. We need to talk."
  2. "I hope this doesn't bother you. Please hear me out..."
  3. "Hey! How's your day going?"
  4. "You know, I've been thinking about you recently..."
10. Has he ever raised any red flags before?
  1. He has a lot of red flags, honestly.
  2. He has some red flags, but I can live with them.
  3. He has one or two, but who doesn't?
  4. Not really.
11. What do your friends or family think about him?
  1. They don't like him, but I don't think they really get it.
  2. They like him, but they have some concerns.
  3. They like him, but idk how I feel...
  4. They don't know about him.

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When should you text him?

When not to text him:

  • You just broke up.
  • He’s your ex.
  • He’s given off red flag that make you hesitate.
  • He can’t hold down a relationship for more than a few months.
  • He’s not single or available.
  • He hasn’t responded to your double or triple text.

When you should text him:

  • You're both available.
  • You have chemistry when you hang out.
  • He’s been flirting or dropping hints.
  • He’s totally your type.
  • You just wanna chat with him.
  • You can’t stop thinking about him.

Rules for Texting Guys

1. Feel free to double text. Yeah, we’ll say it. We think all this anxiety around double or triple texting is silly. Guys love the attention, and you won’t come off as desperate, as long as you actually have something to say and aren’t just pinging his phone for no reason. Send him that essay. If he’s cool, he’ll love it. And if he has some weird hangups about double texting, he’s probably too high-maintenance, anyway.

2. Start casual. It’s tempting to go straight to, “Come over,” and while it’d honestly work on a lot of guys, it’s not the wisest thing. Start slow, with a casual conversation, and work up to flirting. That way, you have a chance to sus him out and see if he’s even worth your time.

3. Give him time. Send the text, put the phone down, and come back an hour later. If he doesn’t text immediately, or even the same day, don’t sweat it. Lots of people take their time texting, and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, just that he’s got a whole other life to lead. Some day, maybe you’ll be important enough to each other that you get instant responses. Until then, you gotta work up to it.

4. Stay calm. If you’re nervous about sending a risky text, keep it in your drafts for a while, then come back later and read it again. If it still sounds good, send it. Otherwise, delete it and rethink. Whatever you do, stay calm, and remember: It’s just texting!

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