How to Set Standards for a Guy

Co-authored by Elle Monus

Last Updated: July 26, 2024

Are you that girl that just doesn't understand why that guy is not treating you respectfully? Do you need to change him or yourself? Answer: Set your standards high!

Steps

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1
Know yourself, your dignity. This is what one person said, "If you want a man to respect you, and perhaps eventually fall in love with you, then you must show him that you respect yourself and that you recognize your dignity before God."
- Who are you?
- How do you like to be treated?
- What's important to you?
- Why is it important to you that another person treats you with respect? Every girl needs to set realistic standards, write a list of what you want from the other person in regards to respect and stick to them. E.g. needs to open doors for me, calls me by my name, doesn't yell/swears at me, etc.
What do you like/dislike in other people? Write a list.

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3
Dress modestly. Guys respect girls more who don't need to show off their body parts to attract them. They like a girl with confidence in who she is without having to show off her boobs to get his attention, but her mystery and how she carries herself is what attracts him. If he can't respect your way of modest dress and tells you otherwise, he's controlling and doesn't like/love you for who you are and what you stand for.
- Fit and fabrics are key! Find or tailor items that stay close to your body without clinging. Structured or woven fabrics create the best shape.^{[1]
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Chances are, if he wants to be your boyfriend right away, he may be seeking to sleep with your body first before getting to know you as a person. Don't friend-zone or brother-zone him EVER. Basis of a relationship is a deep friendship.
5
Stop him at that moment you catch him disrespecting you.
- If he yells at you for example say, "Look __, when you yell at me I find it disrespectful and rude. Please stop." If he respects you, he won't do it again and keep that in mind, but if he doesn't respect you, he'll do it over and over.
- If you're in a relationship and he's disrespecting you repeatedly, leave him. You can't change a guy, the only thing you can do is leave him. You're not changing him by staying in a relationship, you're changing him when you leave.
- You could also try attending couples therapy together. However, attempt to handle the issue directly first, and leave if you feel physically or emotionally unsafe.
- Reader Poll: We asked 490 wikiHow readers about how they handle conflicts with their partner and only 7% of them said that they seek the help of a therapist or mediator. [Take Poll]
6
Don't set a guy to be your #1.
- Guys can never make you fully happy. Your guy should be someone you can share something with, not someone/something to fill you up. Take care of your health, exercise. Be busy with life, get involved in your community, get your education, volunteer, develop hobbies and help others if you're single and/or in a relationship.
- Guys who love you will wait for you, accept you as you are and respect your wishes. Don't fall for that guy that says all the sweet things, but verbally, physically abuses you. Look at the guy's actions, don't listen to his words.
7
Choose a guy who's morally good and wants the best for you.
- Don't go looking around for bad guys, chances are many of them are verbally, physically abusive, involved in some bad addictions, cheaters, arrogant,dishonest, and disrespectful.
8
Test him.
- Don't sleep with him, if you don't want to. Wait till marriage if you want to. If he really loves you, he'll wait if you don't want to. If he doesn't, he'll go to the next girl. Is that the kind of man you want to marry, the kind that says, "If you don't give me your goods, I'm out."
- Don't think: "If I'll just sleep with him, I'll get his love." What ends up happening, the guy uses you and then leaves, and you'll be hurt more than before. You can't force a guy to love you by giving him your body. He may like your body, but not you. Do you want someone to love your boobs, but not your personality, likes and dislikes. No girl likes to be treated like an object. You're not mere bodies, you have a soul, heart, and mind. You truly want to be loved as a complete human being. Wait for the right man to love you wholly as you are. Pray for him.
Move on. You deserve better.

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Tips

Don't give up. Be hopeful for someone better out there, don't settle for less.

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If you want a man of virtue, you better set the standard as high for yourself, be a woman of virtue. Be realistic.

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Decide whether you want a good guy or one who only makes money, and leave the other type alone.

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