12 Expert-Backed Ideas to Get Them To Text You Back

Get the conversation back on track after being left on read

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: September 15, 2025 Fact Checked

To double-text or not double-text, that is the question. If you’re left on read by a romantic interest or friend, you might wonder whether it’s worth trying to continue the conversation. The truth is, sometimes we get so caught up in jumping to our own conclusions that we unfairly assume the other person is “ghosting” us, when they may simply be busy. To help you deal with this situation, we’ve compiled a list of tips, backed by relationship and psychology experts. Read on to learn what to do when someone leaves you on read.

When Someone Sees Your Message but Doesn't Reply

Wait at least 24 hours before reaching out again. Then, try texting them something unrelated to reignite the convo. If you know them well, ask them why they haven't answered and tell them how it made you feel. If they never respond to that, you may want to put less energy into that relationship.

1

Allow them time to respond.

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Wait at least 24 hours before double-texting. Unless your text was about something urgent, the person you sent it to might have read it and not felt the need to respond immediately. After all, we’ve all been there: we read a text but forget to respond because we’re busy or not in the mood to talk. So, give your silent recipient a few hours to a full day to respond before assuming the worst or double texting.^{[1]
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- After more than a day has passed, you can reach out and check in.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Julia McCurley is a certified professional matchmaker and relationship coach. She has been creating happy couples for over 12 years.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 15 years of experience.

Lena Dicken, PsyD is a clinical psychologist with over eight years of experience specializing in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties.

2

Post on social media to get their attention.

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Remind them about your text without directly reaching out. If you and the person you texted follow each other, post an Instagram story or an update on X that you know they’ll see. By doing this, you can remind them about your text without the anxiety of directly reaching out. The best move is to make the post have something to do with your conversation to really get them to notice.^{[2]
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- Try not to make the post directly targeted at them. That can make things awkward.
- Keep the post positive, too, so you don’t guilt the person into responding.
- For example, if you texted them about going on a hike, don’t post, “I wish someone would go on a hike with me. 😢." Instead, post something like, “I can’t wait for the next hike I go on! 😍”

3

Make a funny or sarcastic comment.

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Lighten the mood with some friendly teasing. Depending on your relationship to this person, you could poke fun at them for not responding. Make the conversation fun and flirty! Playful banter can be a great way to keep a text chain going, even after you feel like you don’t have much to talk about. Certified professional matchmaker Julia McCurley suggests that you send them “something flirty and slightly suggestive,” like, “I just got out of the shower and [I was] thinking about [you].”^{[3]
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Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker

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- For example, “Wow, you’re texting back too fast! I can barely keep up. 😂”
- Alternatively, try, “You must be so popular if you don’t have time to text me back! 😱”
- Adjust what you say depending on how sensitive the other person is compared to your own sense of humor.

4

Send a completely unrelated text.

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Reset the conversation with something fun. If you find yourself waiting, it could be that your conversation just hit a natural dead end, and the other person doesn’t know how to respond. After an appropriate amount of time, send a funny meme or interesting question without mentioning the text they didn’t respond to and try keeping the conversation going. McCurley encourages you to say something like, “Have you seen the latest episode of [x]?” She adds that “complimenting [them] is a good way to renew the spark,” like, “You have such a great sense of humor, I miss your jokes.”^{[4]
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Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Interview} Here are some other ideas:
- For example, if your last text was, “What are you doing on Friday?” follow up with, “I just saw the craziest video and I have to send it to you.”
- If they respond this time, it means they still want to talk. They might even bring up leaving your last text on read themself.
- It’s worth it to look back at whether your last text even needed a response.

5

Ask why they didn’t respond.

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Seek closure instead of jumping to conclusions. If you’re close enough to this person that you can call them out without offending them, you could just ask them why they left you on read. In the best-case scenario, they’ll apologize and tell you why. Licensed clinical psychologist Sarah Schewitz, PsyD, says that the right approach to asking for closure varies, depending on a few different factors: “If you went on one date, and you don't talk again, then they’re just basically saying, ‘I’m not interested.” However, she notes that “if you were dating for a month or more, and then they ghost you, that's a whole different story.”^{[5]
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Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

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- You might not want to do this to someone you just met. Give it a little time.
- Be gentle but direct with your wording. For example, try, “Hey, is there a reason you didn’t respond?”
- If they don’t give you a response, it might be best to leave them alone, at least until they feel ready to talk.

6

Tell them how you feel.

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Communicate your expectations for future conversations. Being honest about your feelings can open up a conversation about what you both expect from your relationship in the long run. It could be that the other person just has a different communication style than you. Be open about your needs and work together in building communication that feels good for both of you. Dr. Schewitz cites “healthy communication” as one of the main pillars of a good relationship, so take the conversation seriously.^{[6]
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Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

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- Reserve this conversation for someone you really trust with your feelings.
- You can’t put the blame on them for not understanding your expectations when you haven’t talked about them before.
- For example, try starting this conversation with, “It hurts my feelings when I’m left on read.” Alternatively, try, “I feel like you’re ignoring me. Can we talk?”
- Dr. Schewitz says that asking for a conversation about communication makes sense in some situations.^{[8]
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  - You can say, “I feel like we had enough of a connection that at least warrants the conversation about why this isn't working out from your perspective.”

7

Check in on them.

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Be sensitive to what they’re feeling or going through. It could be that the other person is not responding because of circumstances that have nothing to do with you. Clinical psychologist Lena Dicken, PsyD, explains that they might be “going through something or they're just not ready to talk about something yet.” She suggests that you consider that “it's not about [you], and maybe it's about them, and maybe [you] can just provide support without digging deeper or continuing to ask them to respond to [you].”^{[9]
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Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist

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- It can be difficult to determine when this is the case, but sometimes it’s better to be safe than sorry.
- You could use this opportunity to show them that you’re there for them. For example, text something like, “Thinking of you. Hope you’re doing ok.”
- Alternatively, try, “Hey, I noticed you haven’t responded. If there’s something going on, I’m here for you.”

8

Send one text at a time.

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Keep your follow-up text short and simple. Blowing up the other person’s phone with a wall of texts will make you come across as over-eager or intense. When you’re sending a follow-up text (after waiting for an appropriate amount of time), be concise. Otherwise, they might think you’re being dramatic and annoying, which you probably don’t want!^{[10]
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- In general, try not to text more than 2 lines at a time.
- If you don’t have a strong relationship with this person, try matching the amount they text.^{[11]
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9

Space out your attempts to reach out from then on.

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Wait a few days before texting again if you still haven't received a response. A week-long silence from you could push them to reach out if they want to keep talking. If they don’t say anything after a week, you can "end" the conversation and the next time you reach out can be for a different reason or topic.^{[12]
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- If you are texting them for something important or urgent, you may need to try calling, emailing, or texting them multiple times to get them to reply.
- Remember: no one owes you a response. While it is common courtesy to respond to texts in a timely manner, people have their own lives going on, and it's not fair to threaten to cut off all communication simply because of a tardy reply.
- Keep in mind that they may have had a crisis, emergency, or even simply lost their phone.
- In a relationship where the person is consistently leaving you on "read" or not answering your texts, you may need to have a face-to-face conversation with them.

10

Distract yourself.

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Spend time with people who won’t leave you on read. Being ignored by someone you’re trying to reach out to can feel disheartening. Instead of isolating yourself during this time, reach out to people who you know are always "on call" for a shoulder to lean on. Make plans together to get your mind off your ghost and give yourself things to look forward to.^{[13]
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- While it might be a bit tempting to self-isolate and continue to fixate on the person who ghosted you, consider picking up new hobbies and spending time with friends. This is a healthier alternative!

11

Reevaluate the relationship.

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Ask mutual friends if this is a pattern with this person. If this person just happens to be generally unreachable for everyone, they likely don't prioritize communicating via text and can potentially not be around their phone often. That said, it's also important to remember that just because someone is a bad texter doesn't mean that they don't love you.
- You might not want to give up on an established relationship over being left on read. However, it may be worth considering if you want to maintain a relationship if this person starts continually ghosting you in more extreme ways.^{[14]
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- Ask the person why they don't text back. It could be something as harmless as a boundary they've set or being busy at a certain time of day.

12

Let it go.

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Accept that someone not responding does not define your worth, and move on. If you’ve given them time to respond, double-texted, maybe even triple-texted or called, you may have done as much as you can. At a certain point, you have to face the truth of the situation, whatever that may be. If this is a person who is ghosting you because they don't really care about the relationship, find other connections to invest in and consider ending it. If this is someone who doesn't like to text, reevaluate how you communicate with them. Don't let the lack of a text define you.^{[15]
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- If you barely have a relationship with this person in the first place, it can be wise to consider letting go of communications with them. If you are distant acquaintances, they likely have larger-priority relationships.

Expert Q&A

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Question

Should I reply he left me on read?

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Julia McCurley is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and the CEO of Something More, Austin's premier matchmaking service. She has been creating happy couples in Austin for over 12 years and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Her blogs have been published on the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz, and The Dating Truth. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker's Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love. Julia holds a BA in Business and Communications from The University of Puget Sound and received her Master Executive Matchmaker Certification from The Matchmaking Institute.

Julia McCurley

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

If the conversation just sort of died out naturally, yes. Send him a comment about something you both have in common so you can restart the convo.

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What if they are a family member?

Gia

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Wait for them to answer; they're probably just doing something essential. If they've already left you on read for a day, try double messaging them and telling them what interesting stuff occurred to you recently.

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I sent her a text asking if she's doing great 'cause she left me on seen, but then left me on seen again, so I asked her why but she's still leaving me on seen. What should I do?

Gia

Community Answer

She's probably busy, but if she still hasn't responded, try distracting yourself with other people or things. She could just want to see you suffer.

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