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Question

How do you tell someone you don't want to go to their party?

Kateri Berasi, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Kateri Berasi is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder of The Centered Self, a therapy practice focused on women’s mental health, and Transcendent Self Therapy, a group practice that uses creative therapeutic approaches to support those who feel misunderstood, marginalized, or outside the norm. With nearly 20 years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in hormonal and fertility-related concerns, as well as working with creatively inclined individuals navigating identity, emotional depth, and life transitions. She offers individual therapy, couples counseling, group therapy, and Costume Therapy—a unique modality she developed. Dr. Berasi holds a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University, a master’s degree from Columbia University, and completed her postdoctoral training at Columbia as well.

Kateri Berasi, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Well, if it’s not something you want to do, you can always decline an invite by saying it’s not for you. No harm done! If you want to, ask them if they would like to do a different activity in the future that may be more in alliance with something you enjoy. This way, you are honoring your needs and letting them know you value them.

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Question

I was invited to a popular girl's party. I decided not to go, but felt a little guilty because I think she was really hoping I would be there. What do I do?

Community Answer

If you haven't already answered, consider the reason you don't want to go. If you're really positive that the reason you don't want to go makes sense or is logical, you can take the next step. Tell her that you're extremely sorry, but you're needed at home or work. Try not to give too many details, because she may try to ask uncomfortable questions. You can also try telling her that your parents won't allow you to go or you're grounded.

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Question

This girl still thinks we are best friends, and she invited me to her birthday party. I don't want to go, and don't want to be friends with her. How do I nicely tell her to leave me alone?

Community Answer

Make up an excuse for not being able to go. Slowly drift apart from her and start hanging out with your other friends. Be nice to her when she talks to you, but distant. Never ignore her, just treat her like a distant friend.

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Question

How do I tell a nephew I don't want to go to his child's birthday after going to every one of them till now (she's 10 years old)?

Community Answer

Simply say you can't make it (and you send your birthday blessings) and don't offer any explanation. If he presses for one, you have the option of either being honest or telling a fib.

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Question

How do I prevent my parents from making me go to a party I do not want to go to?

Community Answer

Give solid, well-thought reasons why you don't want to go. Just be willing to accept that you might have to go anyway. You sometimes have to do things you don't like.

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Question

How do I get out of going to a party that the host/hostess didn't tell me about until the day of?

Community Answer

Say you're in a meeting for work/you're gone away somewhere at the time of the party and can't make it.

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Question

My parents are forcing me to go in my neighbor's party. What do I do?

Community Answer

Just go. You may be surprised. If you have a phone with games on it, take that along just in case.

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Question

I don't want to go to a friend's party, but now he says he has reserved tables for us already. What should I do?

Community Answer

You could make up an excuse, but you should think about going. It's your friend's night, and it sounds like he is excited for you to be there.

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Question

What do I do if my parents force me to go and I really don't want to go to my friend's party? If I have no choice I would just cry there because I never wanted to go.

Community Answer

Try to be happy and have fun while you're there. And if you still are angry about being forced to go, when your parents come to pick you up act extremely angry and annoyed.

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Question

This girl pretends we are still best friends and invited me to her birthday party, but I don't want to go because she turned my best friends against me. What should I do?

Community Answer

Tell your parents why you don't want to go. They might understand.

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Question

What if you just don't feel up to going, but your mom and your sister are making you go?

Community Answer

Since you have to go, keep an open mind. You may meet someone new and interesting.

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Question

What do you do if you feel guilty by not going to the party? Do you give a gift and say you're sorry you couldn't come?

Community Answer

That would be just fine.

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Question

How can I cancel at the last minute?

Jocelyn Holbrook

Community Answer

Say you have a doctor's appointment or are sick. You could also say your mom came for a surprise visit.

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Question

What about getting out of a party I regret attending when leaving directly is not the best of options?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

You can always leave, no matter what the circumstances are. If you want to leave, leave. Claim you have diarrhea, a headache, or just feel sick. You, obviously, can't claim you're bleeding from the arm. Though honesty is always best, in this case courtesy may be better, so be polite about it. "Oh darn it! I have a little personal problem (imply diarrhea), I was hoping I'd be all right, because I really wanted to stay."

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Question

A friend's mom called my mom and said he invited me to his birthday party. My mom said that I'd go without asking me first, and I really don't wanna go. What can I do to not go to the party?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Talk to your mom. Let her know you don't want to go, you are not obligated to give a reason. But 'not wanting to go' or 'I don't feel like I like it' are very good reasons in themselves. If that fails, you can always claim you have sudden diarrhea, a headache or just generally feel sick. Act it out too: "Oh no, I really wanted to go, but now I feel sick." If you don't want to go, don't go. Ask your mom to really always check with you first before making commitments in your name. Finally, consider going to the party anyway. It might be fun; bring a friend for protection, or stay just for an hour.

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Question

How can I avoid a funeral? I have IBS, will that help?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

If you don't want to go, then don't go. You can just send a card or flowers. You could claim you have to work, or are in a different country or state, and if those don't work, you can always 'suddenly' develop a bad case of diarrhea. Just be careful what you post on social media when you're supposedly at home within 5 feet of a toilet.

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Question

How can I get out of attending a friend's "stag" weekend when I really don't want to share a hotel room?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

I understand, you want your own space to withdraw to and be left alone until the morning. This is a very legitimate need, and you shouldn't negotiate on that point. If all it is is the hotel room, why not book your own room? Perhaps ask the organizer to put you in your own room? Maybe there's three people who would love to share a room and party all night. I would do my best not to cancel entirely, but if you have to cancel, you can always get sudden diarrhea.

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Question

Someone who woks with my dad is having a baby shower. She sounded really excited for me to come; I don't want to go, but at the same time I don't want to make her feel bad. What should I do?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

The best excuses are the simplest ones. You can pretend to be excited too and pretend that you really want to go, but on the morning of the party, suddenly 'develop diarrhea'. Say "I really was looking forward to coming, but I think it's best to stay at home instead of spending the evening in your bathroom."

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Question

What excuse do I use to get out of going to a party that my friends know that I am not going to because I don't want to put myself at risk?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Any excuse must always cover every aspect of the story. If you say you couldn't return a phone call from 6:00 to 11:00 PM because you 'went to the movies', that only covers about two hours of that time frame. So if your friends know some aspect, your excuse must include the fact that they know this: "Yeah, you know I was thinking about all that risk and had decided to just forgo it and go to the party anyway, but now I have a painful headache."

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Question

My friend invited me to a party with a bunch of close friends, but I don’t feel like going and would rather stay home. What should I do?

GirlyGirl36975

Community Answer

Say that unfortunately you can not attend. Explain that you're grateful for the invitation, but that you'll politely decline. If she tries to ask questions, just say that it's private.

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Question

I am going to a Christmas party soon, but there will be someone there I want to avoid. What should I do?

I_l1ke_gam3s

Community Answer

Inform the host about your concerns and explain why you'd prefer not to attend. You could also ask the host to consider not inviting that person to future events.

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Question

How can I avoid attending my nieces' and nephews' birthday parties, which I dislike?

I_l1ke_gam3s

Community Answer

You can explain to your family why you prefer not to attend. You might mention other commitments, like feeling unwell or needing to study.

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Question

One of my close friends is having a Halloween party, but I don't really fit in with everyone, and I don't feel like going, but I don't want to be rude. What do I do?

Community Answer

Tell your friend you'd like to go to their party but that you wouldn't feel comfortable with that crowd. If your friend is a real friend, they'll appreciate your honest communication and may even offer to help you at the party.

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Question

How do I get out of going to a party last minute? And how do I do it without hurting anyone's feelings?

I_l1ke_gam3s

Community Answer

Say that you have a doctor's appointment, or you have to do chores at home and that you are sorry that you can't come.

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Question

My ex-best-friend invited me to her party, but we are not friends anymore. What do I tell my parents?

Community Answer

You don't have to tell your parents anything. Just don't mention it. However, you can explain the situation to your parents if you want to. They will understand.

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Question

My mom and I don't want to go to a party, but one of my family members is trying to force us to go. What excuse should we use?

Community Answer

You have the right to decide which parties you go to. Tell the family member to mind their own business.

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Question

Is OK to say I have school or work?

Community Answer

Yes, that's usually a valid excuse.

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Question

What if it’s a birthday or a wedding?

Community Answer

Whatever the occasion, the suggestions above can help.

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Question

I have a friend who doesn't have many friends, and I don't want to make them sad by skipping their party. What should I do?

I_l1ke_gam3s

Community Answer

You should consider going to the party. If that's not possible, let your friend know you'll attend their next party to avoid upsetting them.

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Question

Can you just stay for 30 or 40 minutes?

Community Answer

Yes, or maybe for an hour. After that, use a plausible excuse to leave.

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