6 Signs You've Got a Platonic Crush & What to Do About It

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The benefits and downsides to having a friend crush

Co-authored by John Keegan and Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: August 7, 2023 References

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What is a platonic crush?

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Signs You Have a Platonic Crush

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Handling a Platonic Crush

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Pros and Cons of a Platonic Crush

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Expert Interview

Have you ever become infatuated with someone, but only wanted to be besties with them? Then you've had a platonic crush, also known as a friend crush or even a "squish." Although this idea first became popular in asexual and aromantic circles, anyone can have a platonic crush—and they can lead to some of the best friendships out there! Read on to learn everything you need to know about platonic crushes, including how to tell if you have one and what to do about it.

Things You Should Know

A platonic crush is when you have intense feelings for and an emotional connection to someone but aren't interested in them romantically or sexually.
You likely have a platonic crush on someone if you often agree with them, are deeply interested in them, and want to spend a lot of time with them.
Handle a platonic crush by letting the person know that you'd like to build a closer relationship with them. Spend time getting to know each other and doing fun things.

Section 1 of 4:

What is a platonic crush?

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If you have a platonic crush, you aren't romantically or sexually attracted to the person. Instead, you just want to be friends with them. You might even want to be their best and closest friend—but you're not at all interested in dating them. This is what sets a platonic crush apart from a romantic crush.^{[1]
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- Your sexual orientation or gender doesn't really matter with a platonic crush because sex and romance aren't involved.
- You might have a platonic crush on someone you wouldn't be attracted to sexually or romantically, but they also might be someone whose gender you are attracted to sexually or romantically—you just don't feel that way about this person.
- It's also possible that you simply can't date them for social, cultural, religious, or other reasons. Otherwise, you might allow yourself to develop romantic or sexual feelings.
- When you have a romantic or sexual crush on someone, you're typically imagining yourself being physically entwined with the person or going out on dates with them. You don't have those thoughts with a platonic crush.
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A platonic crush is marked by intense feelings for someone. A platonic crush focuses more on your emotional connection with someone. You think they're great—you might even idolize them. If you already know them, you love talking to them and might think they're the best friend you've ever had. ^{[2]
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- You might refer to your platonic crush as your "squish." Although this term was popularized in the asexual and aromantic communities, anyone can use it.^{[3]
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- You can even have a platonic crush on someone you've never met, like a celebrity or your favorite social media influencer.
- If you're thinking about how much you'd love to get coffee or go shopping with them, rather than imagining how hot it would be to kiss them, that's likely a platonic crush.

Section 2 of 4:

Signs You Have a Platonic Crush

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You greatly admire them. When you're platonically crushing on someone, you might even put them on a pedestal a little. If you're not careful, this could get to the point where you idolize the person, which might not be the healthiest approach to a relationship. But at a minimum, you definitely look up to them and think they're one of the best people you've ever known—and that's a good thing.^{[4]
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- People often develop platonic crushes on people they already admired or respected a great deal, or even looked up to—like a mentor, professor, or coach.
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You value their opinion. Since you think so highly of your squish, it's only natural to seek out their opinion on things that you have questions about or issues you're dealing with in your life. You're more likely to seek out their advice and probably more likely to follow their advice than you would be to follow anyone else's.^{[5]
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- Keep in mind that if your squish feels the same way about you that you do about them, their opinion could be biased. Their bias toward you could lead them to be excessively critical about someone who's annoying you.^{[6]
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You follow them avidly on social media. When you have a platonic crush on someone, you eagerly await any and all news about them. You want to know everything about their life, so you're excited to see the latest selfie or food pic they post on social media. You always react and frequently comment on their posts.^{[7]
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- This is likely an even bigger deal if you don't actually know the person you have a platonic crush on (or are just a passing acquaintance). Don't be ashamed—you're just trying to catch their eye.
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You find it easy to talk to them. If you do interact with your squish regularly, you find that conversations are always interesting and free-flowing. You're never struggling for things to say or gritting your teeth through awkward silences. You probably also find that being light and playful with a fun sense of humor comes more easily around them than it might around other people.^{[8]
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- Ideally, they find it easy to talk to you as well. This is when you know you have a match made in platonic crush heaven.
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You want to get closer to them and get to know them better. When you have such intense feelings for someone, you want to know everything about them. You're genuinely interested in hearing about their life and what they enjoy doing. You want to know what their favorite songs, movies, books, and activities are. You're eager to find out what more the two of you might have in common.^{[9]
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- You're curious about them and ask lots of open-ended questions to get them to talk about themselves and their interests more.
- You readily share information about yourself as well because you want them to feel as close to you as you do to them.
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You agree with them on most things. When you have a romantic crush on someone, you idealize them to the point that they can do no wrong. The same thing happens with a platonic crush—you find that you're going to agree with pretty much anything they say or do. After all, you think they're the greatest person in the world—naturally, you're going to be all about their thoughts on most topics.^{[10]
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- Something else to consider is that if you didn't have a lot in common, you probably wouldn't have developed a platonic crush on the person in the first place. So you come by this honestly.

Section 3 of 4:

Handling a Platonic Crush

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Talk to your platonic crush about your feelings. Any strong friendship is going to be founded on openness and honesty, so don't be afraid to make your feelings known! Tell your squish just how much you like them. Tell them you want to hang out with them more and find out if they're interested in building a closer platonic relationship.^{[11]
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- For example, you might say, "Hey, I really enjoy hanging out with you and I'd like it if we could hang out more and become closer. I can even see us becoming besties. What do you think?"
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Take it easy and don't try to force anything. The best approach after you've let your squish know that you're interested in a closer relationship is to go slowly. Let the relationship develop organically rather than instantly attaching yourself to them and insisting that the two of you start doing everything together.^{[12]
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- If the person starts feeling like you're too clingy or possessive, they're likely to push you away. You don't want to become overbearing or smother them too much, especially at first.
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Ask your squish meaningful questions to get to know them better. The whole point of a platonic crush is that you want to build a deep, meaningful friendship with the person you're crushing on. You can't do that without learning more about them. Take advantage of your natural interest in them to ask them all about their life.^{[13]
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- Don't just focus on superficial things. Talk about deep, emotional topics to strengthen your connection and bond with them.
- One of the best ways to get to know someone is to ask them why they like something or are attracted to a particular thing. For example, if they mention their favorite band, you might ask them what they like the most about that band, or what sets that band apart from other bands to them.
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Invite them to hang out with you more often. You don't want to date them, so you don't want to ask them out on anything that could be misconstrued as a date. Just think of what you'd do with any other friend and ask if they'd be interested in doing it with you, be it going to a bar for a drink, go bowling, or go for a round of miniature golf.^{[14]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- You might also ask them to hang out with you if you're going shopping or going to run some errands. Then, when your shopping is done, the two of you can grab a coffee or something.
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Just be yourself and avoid trying too hard to make them like you. It's easy to fall into the trap of saying what you think they want to hear and acting how you think they'd want you to act. But you won't develop an authentic close friendship that way. Instead, don't be afraid to disagree with your squish on things that are important to you. Assert who you are and they'll love you for it.^{[15]
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- Pretending to be someone you're not will ultimately not be fulfilling for either of you, and your friend could view it as downright manipulative.
- Keep in mind that it's highly unlikely one person is going to agree with you on everything and share all of your values and preferences. These differences are what bring value to a friendship, so embrace them!

Section 4 of 4:

Pros and Cons of a Platonic Crush

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Pros When you have any kind of crush on someone, your body produces some feel-good hormones that can really enhance your life—and platonic crushes are no different!^{[16]
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Research source} With a platonic crush, look in particular for the following benefits:^{[17]
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- Less stress: Platonic crushes often lead to lower stress levels because feeling such intense feelings about someone else just plain feels good to you. Their support and emotional connection also help you decrease your stress levels.
- Enhanced communication: You find it incredibly easy to talk to your platonic crush, and that ease spills over into other relationships and other areas of your life as well.
- Deeper trust and emotional support: If your platonic feelings are returned, you'll enjoy a relationship in which the two of you love and support each other unconditionally.
- Increased confidence: Having these feelings and the wonderful relationship that goes along with it serves as a huge confidence boost. You're not going to feel insecure when you know your squish has your back.
- More energy and better health: All those feel-good hormones circulating in your body actually give you a little health boost as well. You'll feel like you can conquer the world and accomplish any task you set out to do.
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Cons Having a platonic crush is usually great, but there are still a few downsides to keep in mind. Typically, these things come up when your squish just doesn't feel as strongly as you do:^{[18]
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- Misinterpretation or misunderstanding: When you're talking to your friend about your platonic crush, it's possible they'll confuse your feelings for a romantic or sexual crush. Some people are just going to have a hard time understanding the concept of a platonic crush.
- Jealousy: Because you want to spend as much time as possible with your squish, you might find yourself feeling jealous when they want to spend time with somebody who isn't you. If they have a romantic partner, you might be jealous of that person's closeness to your platonic crush.^{[19]
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- Unrequited feelings: It's totally possible that your squish just isn't interested in becoming closer friends with you. If you're just acquaintances, maybe that's as far as they're willing to take it.
- Scaring them off: If your squish feels overwhelmed or smothered by your attention, they might push you away. Strong communication can help you understand their needs and back off if you need to before things go completely sideways.
- Possibility of romantic or sexual attraction: On the flip side, your feelings might grow into something beyond friendship. If these feelings develop, take a step back and ask yourself if you're really being an authentic friend or if you're just hanging out with them in the hopes that the relationship will develop into something different.^{[20]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}