Pink Flags in a Relationship: What They Are & How to Address Them

Red flags and green flags are fairly well-known in the realm of relationships, but what about pink flags? Pink flags are small, subtle things that may annoy you in a relationship and cause problems down the line if left unaddressed. In this article, we go over common pink flags, signs that a pink flag is a potential red flag, and more, all with the help of an expert dating coach and two psychologists.

Pink Flags in a Relationship: Quick Overview

In a relationship, a pink flag is a small issue or quirk your partner has that can spiral into something bigger down the line if left unaddressed. Some pink flags include not introducing you to their friends and family, a difference in love languages, and love bombing. Pink flags vary from person to person.

Section 1 of 8:

What does a pink flag mean in relationships?

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Pink flags are small things that may potentially signify that something is a problem, or at the very least, that there will be conflict that needs to be worked through. A pink flag lies in between a red flag and a green flag and ranges in severity, but it’s generally not as serious as a yellow “warning” flag.^{[1]
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Section 2 of 8:

Pink vs. Red Flags

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Red flags are warning signs that a relationship isn't good for you. While pink flags are light, subtle warnings, psychologist Dr. Asa Don Brown describes red flags as “the body’s subconscious and conscious warning signals relating to dangers, threats, hazards, or the potential therein. Red flags are not personal quirks, such as an individual’s particular desires, tastes, or interests. They are any behavior that is unwarranted, inappropriate, and incongruous with your perspectives on a relationship.”^{[2]
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Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist

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- Dating coach John Keegan says some red flags that someone is using you include feeling like you’re putting in all of the effort and they aren’t giving back, feeling like they don’t care about you or your wellbeing, and a lack of deep connection.^{[3]
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  John Keegan
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- Clinical psychologist Tala Johartchi says other red flags include feeling like “you're always constantly falling into a role of rescuing or feeling like you're constantly being needed.”^{[4]
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  Tala Johartchi, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
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Section 3 of 8:

Common Pink Flags In Relationships

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You’ve never argued or butted heads. Your partner may not be the argumentative type. Some people prefer to calm down before approaching conflict, and there’s nothing wrong with that! But, if you two have never disagreed, or you notice that they roll over and submit to you whenever there’s a conflict, they may not be acknowledging their own feelings about the situation, which can lead to resentment and impact the relationship.^{[5]
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- How to Move Forward: Take notice of how they act when you present an issue or something you aren’t comfortable with. If they take their feelings and yours into account and compromise so everyone’s happy, they may just be emotionally mature.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If your partner says that they’re fine to defuse conflict but becomes less interested in you or gets angry at seemingly insignificant things, they may be resentful of you.
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They’ve never been in a relationship. Some people are late bloomers, and your partner may simply be inexperienced in the realm of relationships. But, your partner never being in a relationship can also be a sign that they are afraid of commitment and would rather keep things surface level.^{[6]
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- How to Move Forward: Ask your partner why they’ve never been in a serious relationship.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If your partner gets defensive, dodges the question, or refuses to acknowledge why they’ve never been in a serious relationship, that may be a red flag.
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You’ve never been introduced to their family or friends. In a relationship, it usually takes some time for your partner to introduce you to their family, as it’s a big step. Some people take a while to introduce you to their friends, as well. But if you’ve been together for months, years, or longer, and you still haven’t met their friends or family, they may want to keep your relationship a secret.^{[7]
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Cleveland Clinic
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- How to Move Forward: Be upfront and ask them why you haven’t met their friends and family yet.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If they get defensive or avoid the topic altogether, they may not be committed to making you a part of their life.
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They don’t show any affection. People take time to warm up to others, and everyone expresses affection in different ways. Your partner may be the type of person to cook for you instead of holding your hand. But, if you notice that they don’t show any affection at all, that may be a sign that they aren’t as interested as you thought.
- How to Move Forward: Ask them about their love language to get an idea of how they show their love and affection. If they don’t know their love language, take a love language test together!
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If they don’t express love in a way that aligns with their love language, like cooking for you if their love language is acts of service, or they refuse to acknowledge your needs, that pink flag may be red.
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They’re still friends with their ex. Some people are able to maintain platonic relationships with their previous partners, especially if the relationship didn’t end on bad terms. But, if your partner seems a bit too close to their ex or puts more effort into their friendship than your relationship, that may be a sign that they’re not completely over them.^{[8]
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- How to Move Forward: Ask your partner about their history with their ex and how the friendship is today.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If your partner is intentionally vague about their friendship with their ex, but you notice they’re constantly texting or talking about them, that’s a potential red flag.
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You don’t like their friends. Remember, you’re the company you keep. If you find that your partner’s friends are disrespectful, obnoxious, unkind, or offensive, it could be a sign that your partner is the same way. Even if you’re confident that your partner doesn’t share those qualities, the fact that their friends do means that they essentially condone their behavior.^{[9]
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- How to Move Forward: Express your concerns to your partner and ask about their friendship history. As your partner explains their history, do your best to be understanding.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If your partner gets defensive, doesn’t see anything wrong with their behavior, or refuses to take your feelings into account, this pink flag may quickly turn into a red flag.
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You have vastly different core beliefs. In a relationship, it’s normal for two partners to be different. You may prefer sweet desserts, and your partner may prefer savory snacks. That’s nothing to worry about. But, if you and your partner have disagreements on the bigger aspects of your relationship, like where to live in the future, how to raise children, and things like that, there may be larger issues down the road.^{[10]
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- How to Move Forward: Ask your partner if they’d be willing to compromise on some things, like where to live or how many kids to have.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If your partner is unwilling to compromise and remains planted in their ways, that may be a red flag.
- Core values form the foundation of your relationship, and if you have a weak foundation, things may eventually crumble.
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Your love languages are different. This one isn’t as big of an issue. Everyone has a different love language, including partners. If you and your partner have had conversations about the differences in your love language and are both making an effort to express love in a way that aligns with one another, there’s nothing to worry about.^{[11]
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- How to Move Forward: If your partner isn’t accommodating your love language, have an open conversation about what makes you two feel appreciated and work together to figure out small ways to improve.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If your partner continues not to accommodate your love language or refuses to change, you may have a red flag on your hands.
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They don’t post you on social media. Everyone is different. You may be regularly active on social media, but your partner may only log in occasionally. But, if they’re active, regularly post and comment on other people’s posts, and refuse to refer to you in any capacity, that pink flag may soon change to red.^{[12]
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- How to Move Forward: Be straightforward and ask why they don’t post you.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If they get defensive or berate you, that’s a potential red flag, as they may not want to make the relationship public.
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They don’t want to go out on dates. Dates are a key romantic aspect of a relationship. Sometimes, going out for dates may be turned down in favor of staying inside, cuddling, and watching a movie. There’s nothing wrong with that! But if your partner never wants to take you out for a romantic dinner, movie, long walk, or something that you two would like or used to do, that may be a sign that something’s awry.^{[13]
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- How to Move Forward: Express to your partner that you’d like to go out on more dates.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If they refuse to take your feelings into account and continue avoiding dates, they may be afraid of moving things forward or being seen with you in public.
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They do things that make it seem like they don’t care about you. When a relationship is in its initial blooming phase, your partner will typically try harder to impress you and show that they care. As a relationship progresses, it’s normal for this behavior to simmer down a bit. But, if you notice that your partner tends to neglect you and your needs, that may be a sign that things are headed down a bad path.^{[14]
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- How to Move Forward: Ask your partner why they did something, listen to their reasoning, and explain how you’d prefer to be treated.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If you voice your concern to your partner and they refuse to change their behavior, they may not actually care about you.
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They prioritize technology over you. Also called bluelighting, a partner putting their technology over you can disrupt emotional connections, take focus away from the relationship, and even cause issues in the bedroom. Avoid making assumptions, though, as they may rely on technology for work, school, or to assist in their daily life.^{[15]
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- How to Move Forward: Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how their technology use makes you feel and how it’s impacting your relationship.
- Sign It’s a Potential Red Flag: If they refuse to acknowledge that their technology use is a problem and avoid making any changes, that pink flag may be on the way to red.
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They love bomb you. Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with loving, affectionate comments that aren’t genuine. Think flattering comments, love notes everywhere, and excessive kissing at the very start of your relationship. It could be the case that the person you’re dating really does just have strong feelings for you, so it’s important to pay attention to if the behavior changes over time. Love bombing typically includes a gradual decrease in affection, which makes it a manipulation tactic.^{[16]
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- How to Move Forward: Talk to your partner and ask them what they like about you. Look for genuine answers that align with your personality and how you present yourself. If you’re uncomfortable, ask them to tone down the affection.
- Sign It’s a Red Flag: If your partner excessively compliments you or shows love without really getting to know you, they may be trying to lock you down for their own personal reasons.

Section 4 of 8:

Other Flag Colors in Relationships

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Green Flag In relationships, a green flag is a positive action or trait that indicates your partner has healthy behaviors. Green flags are typically signs that your relationship will start (and hopefully remain) healthy and fulfilling. Green flags look different for everyone, but some general green flags include:^{[17]
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- Open and honest communication between you and your partner.
- Mutual trust between you and your partner.
- Healthy boundaries that are respected and involve time apart, alone, and with others.
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Blue Flag A blue flag is a sign of detachment or emotional unavailability in a partner. A partner who consistently avoids expressing their emotions or refuses to connect on a deeper level may be dealing with past trauma or underlying issues with vulnerability. Some blue flags include:^{[18]
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- They never explain how things make them feel.
- They avoid talking about hard or tough experiences they’ve dealt with in the past.
- They’re never vulnerable with you.
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Orange Flag An orange flag is an underlying issue that may pose a threat to your relationship in the future. They are often issues that can be worked on. If an orange flag isn’t acknowledged or worked on, it can quickly escalate into something that derails your relationship, so it’s best to address them as they arise. This is different than a pink flag, which usually represents a minor concern or irritation that may never become a major issue. Some orange flags include:^{[19]
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- Avoiding serious discussions about the future of your relationship.
- A lack of enthusiasm about the future of your relationship.
- An inability to have serious discussions about issues in your relationship.
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White Flag A white flag is something that you give up on or surrender for the sake of your relationship. White flags typically aren’t negative and can be seen as a resolver that strengthens your relationship. Some white flags include:^{[20]
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- They give up their time to support you in something you’re doing, like ditching a pickup basketball game to visit your championship volleyball match.
- Turning off their video game to make dinner with you.
- Putting their phone away to watch your favorite movie with you.

Section 5 of 8:

Do pink flags mean your relationship is over?

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Since pink flags are small issues, they don’t inherently pose a threat to your relationship. But they can become larger issues if you refuse to address them. Alternatively, you may inflate them into relationship dealbreakers when they're really just differences that can be worked through. To protect your relationship, share your feelings about your partner’s pink flags and hold yourself accountable if you inflate them.^{[21]
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Section 6 of 8:

Are pink flags always obvious?

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Pink flags may not register as bad, and they often feel more like pet peeves, which can make them more difficult to spot. Pink flags may not be easy to spot, but it’s important that you don’t ignore them. Ignoring pink flags can cause you to overlook things that annoy you in the relationship, which can build resentment and drive a wedge between you and your partner.^{[22]
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Section 7 of 8:

Can pink flags appear in friendships?

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Pink flags can appear in friendships just like they do in dating. Just like in romantic relationships, friendship pink flags are subtle. But, there are a few indicators that a friendship may go downhill if you don’t make the effort to handle the issues before they become a problem. For example, never being available, being in an opposite friend circle, or having different values and beliefs are all pink flags in a friendship.^{[23]
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- Unless you and your friend work through those pink flags, they may quickly become red and lead to a lost friendship.

Section 8 of 8:

How to Deal with Your Own Pink Flags

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Before entering a relationship, work on healing unresolved issues. When deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship, you may find that you have your own pink flags that you need to work on. You may have trouble being honest with others or struggle with communicating your wants and needs. To deal with these issues, work on building a foundation of self-love, speak up for yourself, and set appropriate boundaries by observing and modeling after secure people.
- If you’re having a hard time dealing with your pink flags on your own, work with a therapist to identify healthy habits that can help.
- If you have pink flags that stemmed from a past relationship, learn how to recognize your triggers, learn what healthy relationships look like, and acknowledge the part you played in your failed relationship.