How to Get Your Narcissistic Ex to Regret Losing You

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Move on from the relationship while making them sorry they let you go

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: October 25, 2024 Fact Checked

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It can be difficult to be in a relationship with a narcissistic person, and even if you decide it’s best to move on, it’s natural to still feel hurt. You might wish that your ex would regret losing you, or perhaps you just want them to know that you’re doing better without them. While you can’t force them to feel remorse, there are some things you can do to show them what they’re missing and, more importantly, help you move on. Just remember that only a licensed therapist can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and not everyone with narcissistic tendencies has clinical NPD.^{[1]
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1

Cut off all contact with the person.

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Walk away and end communication to signal that you are done with them. Going no-contact is the best way to deal with them, although they may keep trying to reach out to get your attention. To help you stand strong and manage the stress of ignoring your ex, remind yourself to take deep relaxing breaths. Try stress-reduction techniques like mindful meditation or journaling too.^{[2]
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- If you have kids with your ex or you're colleagues, you may not be able to cut off all communication. Keep your interactions dedicated to discussing childcare or talking about work.
- Reader Poll: We asked 780 wikiHow readers, and 53% agreed that the most effective way to deal with a manipulator is to cut ties and end the relationship. [Take Poll]

2

Be unattainable and focus on your well-being.

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Turn your energy inward to distract yourself and move on. Don't give this person the satisfaction of seeing you lonely or depressed—they'll feel like they still have power over you. If they call or text, ignore them. If you can't, tell them that you're busy doing something else.^{[3]
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- Tell them that you can't talk or meet up because your schedule is too busy. For instance, maybe you've always wanted to learn how to throw pottery, take a jiu-jitsu class, or travel more.
- Maybe you've got dreams that you always put off. Now's a good time to make positive changes in your life, so go for them.

3

Spend time with your support network.

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Being around people who respect you can make you feel empowered. This will show your ex that you’re valued by others—but more importantly, it’ll remind you you’re not in this alone, and you’re loved. With emotional support, you may even start to realize that you're ready to move on with your life and you don't care what your ex thinks about you.^{[4]
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- If you don't feel like you can talk with your friends or family about this person, try reaching out to an online support group, or consider therapy.

4

Realize that they may not feel regret.

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Come to terms with the fact that you can't make them feel a certain way. Push yourself to move on because your ex may not miss you, despite your efforts. They may miss the energy you devoted to them, but many people with narcissistic tendencies struggle to care for others.^{[5]
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Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Expert Interview} You deserve better! Imagine how much happier you could be with someone else who genuinely appreciates you.
- If their ego is very fragile, they may never regret the way they treated you either because they'll find ways to justify their behavior.^{[6]
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Dating a Narcissist?

Only a mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder), but there are plenty of red flags you can look out for. Take this quiz to find out where you stand.

1 of 12

How did they act when you first started dating?

Super lovey-dovey. They thought our relationship was written in the stars!

Extra charming. They really knew how to lay it on.

A little flirtatious. Nothing too overkill, though!

Friendly and respectful. They had a healthy sense of boundaries.

5

Resist the urge to get revenge.

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Remaining calm and rational will help you heal quicker in the long run. It's natural to want to hurt someone who hurt you, but remind yourself that moving on and not letting them get to you is what’s best for you in the long run—and it may actually do a better job at driving your ex up the wall than seeking revenge would! Instead, come to terms with the relationship ending, and focus on your own well-being.^{[7]
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- Also remember that manipulative people tend to thrive if you try to belittle, hurt, or expose them because they often crave attention. Walking away from them is actually the one thing you can do that they truly have no control over.

6

Give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship.

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Allow yourself to feel all the emotions you're experiencing. When you realize you were in an unhealthy relationship, you may be tough on yourself for staying so long. You may feel confused, sad, or angry—all of these are completely valid emotions. You can't expect to simply turn off all the feelings you had for this person. It might help to do activities that allow you to think and process all that you went through.^{[8]
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- Try journaling, meditation, or yoga for instance. Joining a weekly class can also provide you with some structure and socialization that might help you heal.

7

Be grateful that the relationship is over.

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It might be hard to be happy right now, but tell yourself you're better off. You probably experienced plenty of low points with the narcissistic person—they probably made you feel less important, less special, or less capable than them.^{[9]
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Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Expert Interview} Enjoy the fact that you don't have that disrespectful person around to shut you down constantly. Instead, repeat positive affirmations like, "It's important for me to be happy," and "I am worthy of love."
- Do activities that help you heal, whether that's gardening, jogging with a friend, or kickboxing.

8

Take your joys and challenges to people who listen.

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Share your emotions with people who genuinely care about you. If your ex is the sort of person who struggles seeing others thrive, they may belittle your successes or revel in your disappointments. When you go through a difficult time or enjoy success, share your struggles or celebrate wins with people in your life who will support you and cheer you on.^{[10]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists

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- It's natural to want to show off to your ex when good things happen to you, but it's better to ignore them and celebrate with friends instead: your ex may see your coming to them as a sign they still hold power over you, and they’re likely to belittle your success or make you feel as if you didn’t deserve it.

9

Live without worry.

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Don't waste your time or energy dwelling on what your ex thinks. You won't truly be free of them until you can live your life without analyzing what they would think of your actions. Remember, you're not trying to please or impress them anymore. This can be a very freeing feeling.^{[11]
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- Remember that just as you are making an effort to move on with your life, they may be moving on with theirs.

10

Work with a therapist if you’re struggling.

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Talking with a therapist can help you recover. Getting over a relationship with a narcissistic person can be really tough. You might tell yourself you need to move on, but cutting off your feelings for the person can be hard. Therapy can definitely help if you're working through difficult feelings or managing low self-esteem, or if you want to learn coping techniques.^{[12]
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Jay Reid, LPCC
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Expert Interview}
- Your therapist may recommend group therapy where you can talk with people who are going through a similar situation.

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Remember that not everyone with NPD is toxic or abusive, and many people with NPD are able to manage their symptoms with therapy and/or medication.^{[13]
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