How to Make Your Boyfriend Happy when He Is Angry

Written by John Keegan | Edited by Kira Jan

Last Updated: September 1, 2025 Fact Checked

It can be super stressful when your boyfriend’s angry, and you might even get that sinking feeling in your stomach or wonder what you can do to make him feel better. Here’s the good news—in healthy relationships, anger is a temporary thing. Give him time, and he will calm down, and you two can get through this! In the meantime, we’ve put together a guide to help you cheer him up and be a supportive partner when he’s angry.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Listen to his feelings.

Download Article

Your boyfriend likely wants to feel heard and understood. It’s really tempting to want to jump in there and “fix” whatever problem is going on immediately. Hold off for a bit, and pay close attention to what he’s saying. Encourage him to talk about his feelings and ask him about what’s upsetting him.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- “I’m here for you if you want to talk to me about what’s going on.”
- “Hey, what’s making you feel this way?”

2

Give him space to cool off.

Download Article

You can have more productive conversations once he's calm. Even if he’s riled up, stay cool, and try not to take the anger personally. We know staying calm is easier said than done, but as long as he’s a good person and a good boyfriend, he’ll come back around once the initial anger goes away. Then, you’ll be able to have a better conversation to resolve the situation.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Try to avoid saying anything to directly contradict him or blame him.
- Giving him space might look like physically leaving the room or saying something like, “It’s hard for me to talk to you when you’re angry. Let’s take a time-out and come back to this.”

3

Apologize if you upset him.

Download Article

Saying sorry prevents the conflict from escalating. Even if you didn’t intend to upset him, an apology shows that you empathize with how he feels. Later, you can dive into the underlying problem and express your point of view, but for now, just let him know you’re sorry for hurting his feelings or making him angry.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Try something like, “I’m really sorry I made you feel that way.” or "Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

4

Tell him you understand his perspective.

Download Article

Use compassion to help you two move on from the conflict. Try to see things from his side. You might totally disagree with his perspective (and that’s normal and healthy). But put yourself in his shoes for now—it’ll help him feel understood. Tell him his feelings are valid and that you get what he’s going through.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- “I get how upset you must’ve felt when I had to cancel our weekend trip.”
- “I can tell that text really upset you. I understand why what I said hurt you.”
- “It’s fair that you feel like that. I’d be angry, too, if I thought someone was ignoring me on purpose.”
Harville Hendrix, World-Relationship Therapist

When your partner is angry, don't react defensively even if you feel unfairly attacked. Instead, let them vent while you listen quietly and attentively. When they finish, paraphrase what you heard and ask if you understood correctly. This simple act of listening without judgement can diffuse anger, and pave the way for rational problem solving.

5

Take him on a fun date.

Download Article

Going on an adventure can help you two break out of a tense situation. Whether he’s angry at you or angry about something else, take a break to spend quality time together and get a change of scenery. Getting him out of the house should help distract him from whatever negative emotions he’s feeling.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Go on a spontaneous road trip to a nearby town.
- Pack a picnic and check out a local park.
- Visit a new museum, arcade, or amusement park.

6

Bring him a small gift.

Download Article

Make him feel special with a small surprise. Even if he’s angry, you can still show him you care about him and are there to support him. Try bringing him something small, like one of his favorite treats or something that reminds you of time you’ve spent together.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Buy a silly greeting card and write a cute note inside.
- For a digital version of this, make him a playlist and tell him why it reminds you of him.

7

Offer him food or something to drink.

Download Article

Food can be comforting, and this small gesture shows him you care. Cook something together, or offer to pick up his favorite takeout. If he’s not very hungry, ask him if you can bring him coffee or a cup of tea.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Bring him a few chocolates or go out for ice cream for a fun take on this option.

8

Have a cuddle session.

Download Article

Physical touch is proven to boost your mood and relationship satisfaction. Hugging, kissing, and holding hands are great ways to de-stress and get your boyfriend’s mind off his anger.^{[8]
X
Research source} Physical touch reduces our fear and stress response levels and releases feel-good hormones!^{[9]
X
Research source}
- You can even offer to give him a back massage.
- Reader Poll: We asked 345 wikiHow readers to tell us the best way their partner could help them relieve stress, and 48% said physical intimacy, like a hug. [Take Poll] So a quick cuddle or massage could definitely help him unwind and relax!

9

Go exercise together.

Download Article

Exercise is one of the best ways to de-stress and de-escalate conflict. When we exercise, our bodies release endorphins, which are natural painkillers and stress relievers.^{[10]
X
Research source} Help your boyfriend burn off stress by suggesting a workout or outdoor excursion. Check out these other activities you can do together:^{[11]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- Go for a walk or a hike.
- Take a yoga or spin class.
- Hit the gym together.

10

Suggest doing one of his favorite activities.

Download Article

This is a great way to show you’re putting effort into the relationship. Try a fun hobby together to take both your minds off the conflict until he cools down. Sharing your interests with each other can even help you bond and feel closer to each other.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Ask him, “Hey, what’s something you’ve always wanted us to try together?”
- Ask him to teach you about one of his interests, like, “Will you show me how to play FIFA?”

11

Make a list of reasons why you appreciate him.

Download Article

Compliments can refill the supply of good feelings in your relationship. Anger and conflict take a toll on your emotional reservoirs, but gratitude and appreciation can bring positive feelings back!^{[13]
X
Research source} If something outside the relationship upset him, a sweet gesture like a list of reasons you’re grateful for him might cheer him up.^{[14]
X
Research source} If he’s mad at you, telling him how much you value him might remind him that you’re a caring partner who values the relationship and wants to make it work.

12

Joke around a bit.

Download Article

Humor can relieve tension and strengthen your bond. Try to bring up an inside joke or use self-deprecating humor instead of making a joke at his expense. Just don’t joke about serious situations or make fun of his feelings.^{[15]
X
Trustworthy Source

HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.

Go to source}
- Poke fun at yourself! Tell him about a time when you did something embarrassing or silly.
- Send him a funny video or GIF based on a show or movie you both like.

13

Talk about preventing conflict in the future.

Download Article

Once he’s calmed down, work together to solve any underlying problems. By talking about the issues that made him mad, you can take steps to make your relationship stronger and happier. Ask him what he needs to feel supported and loved. Then, tell him what you need to feel the same way, and see if you can find a middle ground.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- Try starting the conversation with something like, “What do you think we can do in the future so you don’t have to feel this way?”^{[17]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- Ask for more information if you don’t understand the issue. For instance, you could say, “Could you tell me more about why it upset you when I didn’t text back on Friday?”
- Suggest a compromise by saying something like, “Could we try splitting the difference between what we both want? We could try setting aside time together on the weekends, but we could leave Friday nights free so that you can have time with friends.”^{[18]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  
  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
  
  Go to source}

14

Watch out for a pattern of angry behavior.

Download Article

Anger should not pop up consistently in your relationship. Everyone has bad days, but it’s not fair to you (and it’s not healthy) if your boyfriend is continually angry at you. You deserve love and respect! If your boyfriend gets angry with you a lot, that’s a sign he needs professional help, and you should consider leaving the relationship.^{[19]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Here are just a few red flags to look out for:^{[20]
X
Research source}
- Calling you names and putting you down
- Embarrassing you in public or in front of others
- Physically damaging property (kicking doors, punching walls)
- Continually blaming unhealthy behavior or anger on your actions
- Threatening to hurt you

Overcome Dating Challenges with this Expert Series

Dating is hard, but you're not alone. We've put together these expert articles to guide you through some of the most common dating challenges.

1

Know if Your Boyfriend Is Using You

2

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Ignores You (& Why He Might Be Doing It)

3

Deal With One of Your Friends Dating Your Crush

4

Deal with Dating Anxiety

5

10+ Signs That You’re Dating a Narcissist: An Expert-Backed Guide

6

Know if a Guy Is Cheating on You

Community Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question

How can I tell if a guy is using a woman?

Jaelyn Berry

Community Answer

If he doesn't show affection or treats her poorly, it can be a major sign. It really depends on the person.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 0 Helpful 2