How to Know if a Guy Wants You Back (And What to Do)

Download Article

How to tell if he wants to make up (and if it's worth it to reconnect)

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan and Luke Smith, MFA

Last Updated: March 7, 2025 Fact Checked

Download Article

Signs He Wants You Back

|

Signs He Actually Wants to Fix Things

|

Moving Forward

|

Video

|

Expert Interview

|

Tips

Fights happen in every relationship, but sometimes, a major blowup can lead to a falling out, whether it's with your boyfriend or your best guy friend. But a fight doesn’t mean it’s over for good, and there are ways to tell if he’s secretly regretting everything. We talked to psychologists and dating coaches to bring you the top signs he wants you back after a fight, signs he’s actually ready to make it work, and how to move forward.

Signs He’ll Come Back After a Fight

If he wants to get back together, he’ll reach out and apologize, or he’ll be grateful and excited when you reach out to him. He’ll also keep tabs on your social media, or ask mutual friends about you. He might even try to make you jealous, or play hot and cold.

Section 1 of 3:

Signs He Wants You Back

Download Article

1
He ignores you, but doesn’t cut you off completely. Dating coach Erika Kaplan calls this “submarining,” when he’s not really in your life, but keeps popping back up to the surface.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Maybe he still hangs out with your friends, or you still see him at places you used to go together. If he keeps showing up, even if he doesn’t make a move, there might still be a connection.
- This depends on the circumstances. If it’s a small town, he might just not have many other options. If you keep seeing him in unlikely places, though, there’s a better chance he’s still hanging on.
2
He interacts with your social media. “If they're peeking at your social media or are liking your posts, that kind of stuff, it shows that there's still keeping tabs on your life and how you spend your time,” says Kaplan.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Does he like your posts? Does he view your stories? Does he still follow you, and doesn’t have you blocked? He’s probably still into you, and won’t admit it.
- On the other hand, if he’s blocked you on everything and never responds, he’s probably keeping his distance.
- Or, if he’s expressing how much he’s hurting on social media, or how much he misses you, that’s an pretty big sign he's regretting the fight.
Advertisement
3
He still contacts you for seemingly no reason. Dating coach Lisa Shield says that if your ex calls or texts you, like “for advice,” they’re probably not over you.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} Usually, it feels like he doesn’t actually have a reason, or has a bad excuse for getting in touch, like he “just wants to check in.” It probably means he still has feelings.
- That said, exes do often have to contact each other for necessary reasons. If he’s texting to ask when he can come get his stuff, for example, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says “it’s pretty natural to feel jealous,” especially after a fight or breakup.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview} It’s a sign that he still wants you, and doesn’t want someone else to have you. If he sees you with other boys, does he get moody? Does he ask you about who you’re hanging out with? Does he criticize your friends or new romantic interests? It’s not very mature, but it’s a good sign he’s jealous.
5
He tries to make you jealous. Dr. Schewitz says that couples, especially exes, tend to try to make each other jealous to get back at each other after a fight.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview} But wanting to “get back” at you means you’re still on his mind, and in some way, you still matter to him. After all, he still wants to impress you. If he didn’t care, he’d drop out of your life altogether.
- For example, he might purposefully bring up someone new he’s seeing, or brag about himself and his accomplishments.
6
He’s hot and cold. After a fight, you’ve both probably got a lot of mixed up emotions. But if the fight is really the final straw, he’ll act like it. On the other hand, if he’s cold and distant one moment, and calm or even affectionate the next, it means he’s still making up his mind, and there’s a good chance he still wants you.
- One moment he might ignore you, then the next moment he might give you a gift or crack a joke. It’s confusing, but only because he’s confused, too.
7
He asks other people about how you’re doing. Relationship coach Julia McCurley says that if he “asks mutual friends about you,” then he still has feelings.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Interview} It means he still cares and thinks about you, and wants to know about your life, but doesn’t want to ask you directly and is hiding his feelings. So instead, he takes a less direct approach to get his intel.
- Wait for a friend or family member to mention it. It’s tempting to ask them if he’s mentioned you, but then you’re the one giving signs that you still want him.
If you try to contact him and he doesn’t totally ice you out, then that’s a great sign. It means he’s still open to reconnecting, and hasn’t just crossed you out altogether. Things can still be repaired, if you both play your cards right!^{[7]
X
Research source}
When he talks to you, he might reminisce on good times you had together. It’s his way of trying to get you to remember the good parts of the relationship, and to try to convince you to come back to him. Be careful, though, and ask yourself if those good times were worth all the other bad times. There’s a reason you fought in the first place.

Section 2 of 3:

Signs He Actually Wants to Fix Things

Download Article

1
He reaches out first. Communication is key in any relationship.^{[8]
X
Trustworthy Source

Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source} If he’s ready and mature enough to realize this, he’ll reach out to you and start the process of mending things. It takes a lot of guts to set aside his dignity and reach out, so it’s a strong sign that he’s mature enough to move on.
- This goes both ways, though, and depends on the argument. If you also played a part in the fight, you might want to consider reaching out first, yourself.
- Reader Poll: We asked 2576 wikiHow readers which sign would make them feel most hopeful about potentially reuniting with their ex, and 50% of them said reaching out and initiating contact after a period of no communication. [Take Poll]
2
His apology is sincere. A good apology doesn’t point fingers or make you even angrier. Instead, a good apology owns up to what he did wrong, acknowledges how it made you feel, and takes responsibility.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source

Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

Go to source} If he comes to you with a sincere and heartfelt apology, seems ready to be real with you, and understands what he did wrong, consider accepting his apology.
- If his apology is sarcastic or weak, or if he avoids taking responsibility for his role in the fight, it's a sign he doesn’t actually care or understand what he did wrong. (Hint: "I'm sorry you feel that way" isn't a real apology!)
3
He knows what he did wrong, and wants to make it right. If he really wants to make the relationship a success, he’ll acknowledge what he did wrong, and he’ll make a plan to change things going forward.^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source

Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

Go to source} Otherwise, the behavior will happen again, and you’ll just get caught in a vicious cycle.
- For example, if you had an argument about the way he flirts with other girls, he’ll apologize for it and assure you he’ll keep things casual and professional with other girls.
- Most importantly, he’ll follow through on his word, not just say something and then forget about it.
4
He listens and respects your boundaries. After a fight, things can feel pretty raw and sore. If he really wants what’s best for you, he’ll respect that, and he’ll respect you.^{[11]
X
Research source} He won’t push you to take him back and he won’t try to shove his way back into your life. Instead, he’ll talk it out, and go at a pace that’s comfortable so you can build trust again.
- On the other hand, if he keeps blowing up your phone even after you’ve told him to stop, then he’s not mature enough for a real relationship.

Section 3 of 3:

Moving Forward

Download Article

1
Ask yourself if the relationship can really be repaired. Now you have to be honest with yourself, and this is the hardest part. Take stock of the relationship and ask yourself if you really want to try again. Maybe the fight was just one bump in what was an otherwise smooth relationship. In that case, it’s worth trying again. If the relationship is mostly fighting, though, it’s probably best to end things.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Ask yourself if this is a new problem, or an old one that keeps showing up, no matter how many times you try to tackle it.
- If he’s an ex, remind yourself of why the relationship ended in the first place, and keep in mind that old habits die hard.
2
Tell him clearly what you want and need in a relationship. Again, communication is key! Tell him what you expect moving forward, and be receptive to his own needs. Maybe you want more alone time, or maybe you want him to spend more time with you. Set boundaries, and let him know what you will and what you won’t tolerate. That way, you’re both on the same page.^{[13]
X
Trustworthy Source

HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.

Go to source}
- For example, maybe now you have a zero-tolerance policy for cheating. Or, maybe you’ll make it a policy to always be honest about your feelings, no matter what.
- It’s a two-way road! Ask him what he wants and needs, and do your best to respect his own boundaries.
EXPERT TIP

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Open communication is the biggest thing. If there has been infidelity, for example. You have to prove that you’re trustworthy again, whether that means giving your partner access to your phone or computer to check up on your activity to prove you're telling the truth.
3
Take it slow, and don’t rush things. It can be tempting to dive back in and pick up where you left off, but that’s not always the best idea. After a fight, your relationship has changed, for better or worse, and it’s better to feel it out and get to know each other again. Go at your own pace, and take it easy. That way, you can get your bearings again without falling into the same traps as before.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might decide to go back to the “dating” phase, or to stay away from each others’ homes until you’re more confident that things will work out this time.
4
See a relationship counselor to work through things. Sometimes, it takes a professional to help you navigate your relationship problems. If you really want to be with him, but aren’t sure how to fix those problems on your own, consider talking to a relationship counselor or therapist, who can guide you through your relationship issues and come up with strategies for having a healthy relationship moving forward.^{[15]
X
Trustworthy Source

Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source}
- Even if you don’t opt for counseling, keep someone you trust in the loop, like a close friend or family member. That outside perspective can be essential.

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Video

Tips

If he doesn't want you in his life then he is clearly completely oblivious to how amazing you are! Chin up, and remember you’ll find the right person for you someday soon.

Thanks
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If he wants you back, he will be relieved when you text or call him and jump at another chance. If he ignores you, doesn’t text you, won’t talk to you, it may mean that he’s hurting, but it could also mean that he doesn’t want you back.
A relationship-worthy guy shouldn't make you guess. Let his actions be your guide; he's either in or out.

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!