How to Get Your Brother to Stay out of Your Room

Co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 3, 2024 References

If your brother is constantly coming into your room, it might feel like he’s invading your privacy (and your alone time). If you’ve tried asking him nicely and he just won’t listen, it might be time to try something new. Start by talking to your parents to enforce some boundaries, and try spending more time with your brother when you can. Hopefully, this will keep him out of your room without a huge fight every time.

1

Ask your parents to talk to your brother.

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They can tell him to stay out of your room for you. It’s always good to have your parent or guardian on your side, so tell them how you’ve been feeling and what your brother has been doing.
- Say something like, “My brother has been coming into my room when I’m trying to study and it’s distracting.”
- Or, “I don’t like it when my brother goes into my room when I’m not home.”
- You could also hold a family meeting to talk to your parents and your brother at the same time.

2

Talk to your brother on your own.

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If he’s old enough, he might listen to you. Sit down with your brother and tell him not to come into your room when you’re not there or when you’re busy. Try to take step a back and focus on understanding that he is following you so he can be like you. By realizing he is just trying to find his way in the world and is looking for a role model, you can cultivate an incredible, lasting friendship and mentorship with your brother.^{[1]
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Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert

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- You could try something like, “You wouldn’t like it if I went through your stuff, right? So please don’t do that to me.”
- Or, “If I ask you to leave me alone, it’s because I have work to do.”

3

Tell your brother to knock before entering.

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If your brother constantly barges in, try setting boundaries. Ask him to knock on the door if it’s closed, then wait for you to tell him to come in.^{[2]
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- Younger kids might have some trouble with this, but older kids should be able to do this no problem.
- You can ask your parents to help you enforce this.
- Whenever you try to set boundaries, make sure to speak with kindness. Even if he is bothering you and annoying you, remember he is doing this because he wants to follow your lead and be a part of your world! Talk with respect and lead by example.^{[3]
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  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  
  Expert Interview}

4

Lock your door.

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If your door doesn’t lock, ask your parents to help you install one. If your parents are okay with it, it’s a great way to keep your brother out of your room whenever you don’t want him there.^{[4]
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- This is a good idea if your brother is going into your room when you’re not home.
- Your parents might not be comfortable with you putting a lock on your door if you don’t have one already. Try to talk to them about how you want to keep your brother out and how a lock would help you do this.
- If you can’t put a lock on your door, try using a piece of furniture to block the doorway instead. It’s not perfect, but it works!

5

Create a loose schedule for when your brother can come in.

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This will keep him out when you don’t want him there. If you’re okay with it, you can set aside some time for your brother to come and hang out in your room with you, like after school or on the weekend.^{[5]
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- You two could hang out and play video games, do a board game, or read comic books together.

6

Spend time with your brother outside of your room.

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Hanging out in your free time can keep him out of your room when you're busy. If he’s bugging you when you’re trying to do schoolwork or interrupting your time with friends, ask him to wait until you’re free.^{[6]
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- You could say something like, “Hey, I’m super busy right now. Could we play video games in like an hour instead?”
- Or, “We can hang out for 20 minutes, but then I’ve got stuff to do.”

7

Act super weird so your brother leaves on his own.

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Get your brother to leave your room by annoying him or freaking him out. You could try pretending you’re a zombie, dancing around the room, or making your voice super deep and creepy.^{[7]
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- Don’t try to hurt or scare your brother—just creep him out a little so he doesn’t want to come in the room as much.
- Keep in mind, if your brother is little, he might think that you’re playing!

8

Keep a locked drawer of stuff in your room.

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If you can’t keep your brother out, you can keep him out of your stuff. Put your most precious items, like action figures, money, or collectables, into a drawer or cabinet, then lock it with a key.^{[8]
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- This is a good alternative if your parents won’t let you get a lock on your door.
- If your brother asks about what’s in the cabinet or drawer, you can tell him. Making it sound mysterious will probably only make him more curious.

9

Stay out of your brother’s room if he doesn’t want you there.

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Don’t try to get back at him or get revenge. Instead, respect his boundaries and don’t go into his room when he’s busy or when he’s not there.^{[9]
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- If you treat him how you want to be treated, it’s more likely he’ll respect your boundaries.

10

Try not to fight with or yell at your brother.

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If you make him angry, he might come into your room more often. Talk to him quietly to avoid blowing up your disagreement into a huge argument.^{[10]
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- If you’re heading toward a huge fight, try getting your parents involved. They can help you talk it out with your brother instead of fighting.
- Avoid name calling at all costs. If your brother calls you a name, take a moment, count to ten and take deep breaths. Try not to take it personally and realize he is acting out because he has some unmet need.^{[11]
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  Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  
  Expert Interview}

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What do I do if he does not respect personal space and loves me too much to stay away?

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Spend some quality time with him. This is all he wants, and if you do it, he'll probably be more willing to give you a little space. You can even try to compromise, like tell him you'll play a game with him for 30 minutes if he'll leave you alone for an hour after that.

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How do I get my little brother to stop talking to me about his girlfriends?

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He's just trying to involve you in the events of his life. Just listen politely for a little while, then make an excuse to leave, or ask him to leave your room so you can have some alone time. If you're polite, he'll probably be understanding.

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Will these tips work with sisters too?

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Yes, they will.

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Get your parents or guardians involved if your brother won’t listen to you.

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Maybe your brother needs something, so before you try to kick him out, ask him if he needs anything.
Give him the silent treatment so he will get bored and leave on his own.

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