This article was reviewed by Jessica George, MA, CHt. Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Everybody has met an overly-nosy person, like a co-worker, or parents, and most likely, a brother or sister. You don't want to be rude to them, but you just want them to knock it off. Here are some likely ways that will make them bored of you.
Dealing with Nosy People
Certified Professional Master Life Coach Jessica George, MA, CHt recommends just nodding or using vague or noncommittal responses like "hmm" or "I'm not sure." If the person keeps pushing, set a hard boundary by saying something like, "Can we please talk about something else?" or "I'm not comfortable sharing that."
Steps
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Don't give them every detail of information. If they inquire about where you're going to lunch, give a general area like, "Down to the mall." or "I'm meeting with a friend to talk about our weekend plans."
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Act uncertain. If they inquire about your weekend, let them know you're not sure about it and that's why you're meeting with your friend to plan things.Advertisement
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Be noncommittal. If they ask that they can come too, let them know you still haven't gotten the details down as to how many people will be allowed to come depending on the space provided.
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Take charge of the situation. If they don't get the hint after that, be a little more strong with them, and tell them, "I'm sorry I'm in a rush to get going on a project/going to lunch, and pretend like you didn't hear them as you run off to where ever. Then make a visit to your manager/supervisor and ask for more help.[1]
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Do a little acting.[2] Pretend that somebody is trying to Skype you by putting on headphones and saying, "Hold on a sec......"
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If you're both involved in a task and personally probing questions start, either say "Can we focus on the issue at hand, please." or (spoken in a 'matter of fact way') "I'm not really in the mood to talk about this," and suggest current events as an option".
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Include some sarcasm in the conversation.[3] If they ask you cross-examination style questions, jokingly say "When did you become a cop?", then quickly change direction of the conversation to you, a friend or family member knowing a cop, and start discussing what they think, all the while getting ready for a toilet break.
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Don't lie to a nosey person.[6] If you are unsure or don't want them to know what you are doing, don't lie to them, tell them to mind their own business, or get defensive, just say "I don't know". Sometimes it can be enough to hush them up. If they persist, just carry on saying I don't know. Eventually, they will stop asking. Lying and getting defensive only makes them think you have something to hide and it can cause the nosey person to bother you more or get angry.
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Keep things secret. If they ask you questions that lead you to divulging sensitive information, don't give the information out. Just say you don't know or you can't remember and go to your parents, boss, supervisor, friend, or any person you trust when the nosey person is not about.
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Give out little information about yourself. Tell them as little as possible about you, your friends and your family's sensitive information and business. This goes for letters, email, instant messaging, as well as face-to-face. Beware, as their questions can be ingredients and recipes for them to gossip and blab!
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Challenge the intruder. If you catch someone going through your personal possessions, (i.e. going through your diary, looking through your drawers, private papers, emails, documents, etc.) challenge him or her by asking what are they doing or say, "Can I help you there?". If you are brave enough, say in a calm voice, "Please ask my permission before looking through my private possessions." Be calm. If you get angry or on the defensive, it could be taken as a signal that you have something to hide.
Community Q&A
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QuestionHow do I stop someone from looking at my computer screen?Community AnswerIt would be best to just ask them to stop or move away from them if possible. If they won't stop, you can try making the font size very small (or zoom out of your webpage) so that only you can read it, or you could get a privacy screen for your computer, which makes it impossible for people looking at your screen from the side to see what's on the screen.
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QuestionHow do I deal with a nosey family member?Community AnswerYou can tell them that you are not comfortable discussing your personal life, and you would appreciate that they respect your privacy at this time.
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QuestionHow do I tell a nosey sister-in-law to get lost?Community AnswerTell her to get a life that's more interesting, so she doesn't have time to try get involved with yours. If this would be insulting to your significant other, then maybe consider discussing it with him/her and let him/her deal with it.
Tips
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To prevent nosey people snooping through your personal possessions, you can lock them away, or even better, have padlocks on. Padlocks with combinations are the best, and be sure to keep the combination to yourself.Thanks
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Type your private documents onto a computer with a password that only you know.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
- If they ask to see your personal papers or financial statements, ask to see theirs. That will make the point, and they will usually stop once they realize how invasive it is.
- Ask them a question in response, like "Why do you ask?" It can help get an idea of why they want to know, and if they truly need to.
Warnings
- Be aware that nosey people are usually highly sensitive, because they don't have enough going on in their own lives.Thanks
- If they don't "get it" after 3 excuses for the same instance, they either have a problem and need help, or are eccentric and need a hobby. You pick.Thanks
- Be careful not to hurt the person. Getting blown off again and again can be hurtful and they'll eventually see what you're doing.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk/articles/dealing-with-difficult-behaviour-nosey-people
- ↑ https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/6-ways-to-deal-with-nosy-questions
- ↑ https://www.mannersmentor.com/social-situations/how-to-graciously-answer-nosy-questions
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201506/9-ways-handle-nosy-people
- ↑ https://hernorm.com/how-to-deal-with-nosy-relatives/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201506/9-ways-handle-nosy-people
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/tactful-ways-to-deal-with-nosy-coworkers.html
- ↑ https://elegantlivingeveryday.com/react-to-nosy-people/
- ↑ https://www.mannersmentor.com/social-situations/how-to-graciously-answer-nosy-questions
About This Article
Reader Success Stories
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"Very good advice. Or you could ask them questions of a similar nature. Usually that does it because their lives are nowhere near perfect."..." more