How to Get Over Friends Who No Longer Want to Be Friends With You

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Plus, learn why friendships end & when it’s time to move on

Co-authored by Katie Styzek and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: April 12, 2025 Fact Checked

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• How to Move On
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• Why do friendships end?
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• Why do friendship breakups hurt?
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• How to Know It’s Over
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• Expert Q&A

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If you’ve recently discovered that someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, you’re likely feeling heartbroken, especially if you value their friendship. There are a lot of reasons friendships end—maybe you had an argument you can't get past, or maybe you just grew apart. No matter the circumstances, you can get through this! We spoke with counselor Katie Styzek and psychologist Adam Dorsay to bring you the best advice on how to move on from a friendship breakup and find happiness in the process.

How to Get Over a Friendship Breakup

Take time to process your feelings and emotions—it’s OK to feel sad! Know that friends come and go and it’s not your fault you grew apart. Journal or write a letter to help process your thoughts and avoid contacting the friend or looking at momentos. Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling for guidance.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

How to Move on From a Friendship

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1. 
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   Take some time to process your feelings. Losing a friend can be tough. It might seem easier to pretend like it didn't happen or like it doesn't bother you, but in the long run, that can make it more difficult to move on. Styzek advises acknowledging that you've lost something important to you and reminding yourself that it's okay to feel sad about it. When you permit yourself to feel any emotions that come up, it can be a lot easier to work through them.

   • Don't be afraid to cry if you feel like you need to. Crying can be a great way to release built-up emotions.
   • When a friendship ends, it's normal to feel emotions like sadness, anger, and confusion. You might also feel confused about why the other person doesn't like you anymore or anxious about seeing them again in the future. Be kind to yourself while you're working through these emotions.
   • Reader Poll: We asked 350 wikiHow readers how they manage their feelings after losing someone from their life, and 53% of them said that they let themselves express their emotions and cry. [Take Poll] So it's okay to wallow for a little while after losing your friend!
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   Remind yourself that friends come and go. Many people will come into your life for just a short time. It's natural for people to grow apart over time. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you! Usually, it just means you and your former friend are heading in different directions in life. Wish your former friend all the best on their path, then keep focusing on your own goals and progress.

   • Even if you feel like you had some part in the friendship ending, don't blame yourself too much. Instead, do your best to learn from the situation and apply that lesson to friendships in the future.
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   Know that you’ll make new friends. Try not to dwell on one person who doesn't want to be your friend anymore. Instead, Styzek recommends focusing on the fact that you have an open space in your life that you can fill up with new, stronger friendships. Focus on spending time with people who share your interests and values, and allow those new friendships to blossom naturally.

   • Dorsay offers the reminder that you only get so much time in life. Try to look forward, rather than trying to hang onto relationships that aren't working for you.
   • Think about what might not have worked in the friendship that ended. Then, use that insight to help you choose and make new friends.
   

   Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

   Look for friends who accept and embrace you. "If we have a friend or small group of friends who embrace our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fill us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky."
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   Avoid contacting the other person. It can be awkward to see someone you used to consider a close friend. If you can, try to avoid places where you know they'll be, especially at first. Also, mute them on social media—constantly seeing their picture in your feed can bring all those feelings back up to the surface, and that might make it harder for you to move forward.

   • If you can't avoid seeing the person, like if you work together or you have the same classes, just try to limit how much time you spend around them. For instance, you might take your lunch break at a different time or move to a desk on the opposite side of the room.
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   Write down how you feel. Putting your thoughts on paper can help you process what you’re feeling. Ending a friendship can come with a lot of complicated emotions. If you need help working through those, try keeping a journal where you sort through what happened.

   • Styzek also recommends writing a letter to your ex-friend where you vent about all the hurt and anger you're feeling. Then, when all your thoughts are written, tear up the letter or throw it away.
   • Don't give them the letter, though—it's just a way for you to get some closure.
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   Get rid of pictures and mementos. Avoid surrounding yourself with constant reminders of an old friend. Box up any photographs of the two of you, and consider re-gifting anything they might have given you. It can also help to delete any old text messages or emails so you aren't tempted to take a bittersweet stroll down memory lane.

   • Consider storing digital photos on a USB device that you can pack away in a box. That way, if the day comes when looking through them won't be as painful, you'll still have them somewhere.
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   Get out of the house. While it’s okay to grieve the loss of a friendship, try not to get stuck in it. Remember to do things you enjoy outside of your living space. Something as simple as changing your scenery can have a big impact on how you feel. For example, you might head outside for a walk, visit a friend for coffee, or spend an afternoon at the library.

   • Staying busy is especially helpful if you used to spend a lot of time with your friend and now you have a lot of extra free time on your hands.
   • If you need more of a distraction, try diving into a new hobby, like signing up for yoga, cooking, or dance lessons.
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   Talk to someone about your feelings. Holding in all of your feelings can make you feel more isolated. Instead, talk to someone you trust about what you're going through. Choose someone who doesn't know your old friend very well—they'll be able to give you their perspective without feeling obligated to take up for the other person.

   • Styzek explains that it can sometimes help to turn to a family member when you're having trouble with friends. You might talk to a parent or grandparent with more life experience and ask for their advice.
   • If you are really having trouble moving on, it can be helpful to deal with these feelings in a professional setting. A trained therapist will be able to listen to your perspective of what went wrong in the friendship and help you learn and grow.
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   Be careful about what you say to mutual friends. It’s possible that you and your ex-friend may have mutual friends—and that’s OK! Just be aware of what you say in front of them. Avoid bad-mouthing or talking about your former friend around them. Instead, focus on the friendships in front of you.

   • Keep in mind that what you say to a mutual friend could get back to your ex-friend, so always try to be nice and civil.
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    Reflect on the good of the friendship. It can be hard to remember what was good when a friendship ends; however, as your hurt feelings start to fade, enjoy the good memories you shared. Think about the positive things you learned from them, whether about yourself or the world around you. This can help you move feelings of hate or resentment toward appreciation and acceptance.

    • For instance, when you look back, you might be able to appreciate a show your ex-friend introduced you to or smile when you think about a fun concert you went to together.
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    Be patient with yourself. Healing from the loss of a friendship takes time. Even if you're experiencing strong feelings of loneliness, know that no feeling lasts forever. You grow stronger with each challenge and hardship you go through. Things will start to get easier with time. You just have to have faith in yourself and be patient.
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Section 2 of 4:

Reasons Why Friendships End

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1. 
   Most friendships end because friends grow apart. People naturally come in and out of your life. With each new chapter comes new friends. In most cases, friendships end because one or both parties have grown apart emotionally or physically. The majority of the time, friendships end gradually, with distance slowly wedging between you. But in some instances, friendships can end abruptly. In a 2021 study, researchers found that the causes of a friendship breakup are generally caused by one of four things:

   • Selfishness: The friend is disrespectful, untrustworthy, unsupportive, or can’t be relied on.
   • Lack of frequent interaction: You lose touch because of daily life, a lack of common interests, different priorities, or you live far away from each other.
   • Perceptions of friends and family: Your family or partner doesn’t like your friend.
   • Romantic involvement: Your friend shows a romantic interest in you or your partner (or vice versa).

Section 3 of 4:

Why do friendship breakups hurt so much?

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1. 
   They hurt because friendships hold keys to your past, present, and future. Friendship breakups can happen abruptly, and they can hurt more than other relationship breakups because they make you feel vulnerable. Losing a friend often makes you question yourself and your past and future decisions. You put time into cultivating a friendship and spending time with this person—you made memories and future plans together. Now you have to find other means of support. It could lead to an identity crisis.

   • In other words, losing a friend can feel like losing a piece of yourself. You have to find who you are without that friend in your life, and that can be difficult at first.
   • You may be feeling lost, confused, or even manipulated after a friendship breakup. Know that these feelings are normal, and with time, will start to fade.
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Section 4 of 4:

How do you know a friendship is over?

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1. 
   A friendship may be over if it’s having a negative impact on you. A good friend makes you feel happy and comfortable—you don’t need to be anybody but yourself around them. And while friendships naturally have ups and downs, if a friendship is repeatedly making you uncomfortable or uneasy, it’s likely time to end it. Here are the signs a friendship may be over:

   • You don’t feel like you and your friend have anything in common anymore.
   • You’re the only one putting effort into the relationship—it feels one-sided.
   • You feel drained after hanging out with them.
   • You don’t feel like they’re respecting your boundaries.
   • You’ve started hiding things from them because you’re scared they’ll judge you.
   • You can’t think of a reason why you want to spend time with them.
   • You don’t feel good about yourself when you’re around them.
   • You feel like they’re only available when they need you.
   • You find yourself competing with them or trying to one-up them.

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• Question

  How do you fix a friendship that's falling apart?

  

  Adam Dorsay, PsyD
  Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

  Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

  

  Adam Dorsay, PsyD

  Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

  Expert Answer

  Take a step back and—in a very businesslike manner—ask yourself: "Is this relationship that's helping me? Am I helping my friend? Is it reciprocal or one-way? Or is it just unhealthy both ways?" Time is our only non-renewable resource, so don't spend it on friendships that are going downhill that don't actually serve you.

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