partner cant date you for being a different race and parents dont approve
We have been friends for almost 10 years, and we had liked each other for over 8 years. We started dating in secret (which lasted almost a year), without letting our parents know, but he recently became distant and yesterday he sent me a message saying he wants to break up with me.
And I understood the reason as to why he was being distant, he was dealing with his parents and having to hear that they don't approve of our relationship as I'm Hispanic while he is Asian.
I find out that his parents don't approve of the relationship as they are very conservative and tradition. I'm in a position where I don't know what to do or what to think, as he said that it's not my fault and that he still loves me but wanted to break things off as he wanted to listen to his parents.
I haven't responded to him as I am still grasping and denying the whole situation. I wanted our relationship to work out, but it feels like he took matters into his own hands, part of me still wishes to get back together with him but I do want to give him space for the time being. I have tried to only see him as a friend (before we started dating) but I just can't, I love him and care for him but in the situation that I'm in right now I'm not sure how to respond...
I am sad, yes. But also, mad that he didn't stand up for himself or our relationship, but I don't blame him as his parents are very strict. which I understand puts him into a corner where he can only choose his parents. I just wish I could help him stand up for himself and maybe in the future see if we could try again.
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And I understood the reason as to why he was being distant, he was dealing with his parents and having to hear that they don't approve of our relationship as I'm Hispanic while he is Asian.
I find out that his parents don't approve of the relationship as they are very conservative and tradition. I'm in a position where I don't know what to do or what to think, as he said that it's not my fault and that he still loves me but wanted to break things off as he wanted to listen to his parents.
I haven't responded to him as I am still grasping and denying the whole situation. I wanted our relationship to work out, but it feels like he took matters into his own hands, part of me still wishes to get back together with him but I do want to give him space for the time being. I have tried to only see him as a friend (before we started dating) but I just can't, I love him and care for him but in the situation that I'm in right now I'm not sure how to respond...
I am sad, yes. But also, mad that he didn't stand up for himself or our relationship, but I don't blame him as his parents are very strict. which I understand puts him into a corner where he can only choose his parents. I just wish I could help him stand up for himself and maybe in the future see if we could try again.
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Unfortunately, you don’t have control over this, and it’s not your responsibility to help him stand up for himself. That has to come from him. You sound like an amazing person, and he is missing out on what could’ve been a beautiful relationship because he didn’t have the courage to advocate for it.
My advice to you would be: Release yourself from the pressure to fix it. Set a boundary. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of love and respect just as you are. Yes, it’s okay to mourn the relationship—especially after so many years of friendship. Talk it through with other friends, cry it out, feel your feelings. But let go of the idea that you can make him change. Because at this point, only he can do that.
You can’t control other people. You can only control yourself and how you respond to what’s happening. And the question is: a year or two from now, when you look back at how you handled this, will you feel proud? And I think you will feel proud if you can say, “You know what? You missed out. I’m sorry to see this end, but I know what I’m worth. I’m going to honor my feelings, process them, and move forward.”
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My advice to you would be: Release yourself from the pressure to fix it. Set a boundary. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of love and respect just as you are. Yes, it’s okay to mourn the relationship—especially after so many years of friendship. Talk it through with other friends, cry it out, feel your feelings. But let go of the idea that you can make him change. Because at this point, only he can do that.
You can’t control other people. You can only control yourself and how you respond to what’s happening. And the question is: a year or two from now, when you look back at how you handled this, will you feel proud? And I think you will feel proud if you can say, “You know what? You missed out. I’m sorry to see this end, but I know what I’m worth. I’m going to honor my feelings, process them, and move forward.”
This sounds like a really difficult situation, especially because his reason for ending the relationship is based upon his parents' feelings about your ethnicity, and not his own feelings about you. This is deeply unfair to you.
It sounds like your boyfriend has made the decision to put his parents' wishes above your own and his. In that case, it's best to respect his decision and any boundaries he's set. Even if you both still have feelings for each other, it's probably a good idea to take some time apart.
It's understandable that you're both sad and mad, and we encourage you to feel your feelings as you process the breakup. Your love for him won't go away immediately, but it might help to remove reminders of your relationship, like pictures together or sweet messages that you sent to each other so you're not stuck reflecting on the past. You might even take a break from him on social media to take your mind off of him.
It's possible that things could work out for the two of you in the future, if he feels less influenced by his parents as he gets older and becomes more comfortable making his own decisions. We wish you all the best!
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It sounds like your boyfriend has made the decision to put his parents' wishes above your own and his. In that case, it's best to respect his decision and any boundaries he's set. Even if you both still have feelings for each other, it's probably a good idea to take some time apart.
It's understandable that you're both sad and mad, and we encourage you to feel your feelings as you process the breakup. Your love for him won't go away immediately, but it might help to remove reminders of your relationship, like pictures together or sweet messages that you sent to each other so you're not stuck reflecting on the past. You might even take a break from him on social media to take your mind off of him.
It's possible that things could work out for the two of you in the future, if he feels less influenced by his parents as he gets older and becomes more comfortable making his own decisions. We wish you all the best!
To cope with a sudden breakup, seek counseling to cope with and release any and all negative, hurt, disappointment, and angry emotions. Write every night about any and all negative emotions, worries, sadness, and anger.
Have a routine of activities that you enjoy doing most days, if not every day. Read, watch videos, and listen to positive, hope-based messages. Exercise and have a self-care outline daily.
Delete all contact information and social media links to untether from the person who broke up with you. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Limit conversations about the ex except for productive conversations with a psychologist, counselor, or coach.
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Have a routine of activities that you enjoy doing most days, if not every day. Read, watch videos, and listen to positive, hope-based messages. Exercise and have a self-care outline daily.
Delete all contact information and social media links to untether from the person who broke up with you. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Limit conversations about the ex except for productive conversations with a psychologist, counselor, or coach.
This could be out of his control. To be clear I am NOT defending him. I'm just saying a possibility could be that his parents found out about you two and forced him to break up with you without any explanation. But in order to judge correctly I need more background knowledge on how old you guys are. If you are both adults and he lives away from his parents than he has no reason to just prioritize his parents panties getting in a bunch about your ethnicity and breaking up with you. He should be able to stay with the person he loves as he has free will to do so. But if y'all are teenagers or young adults and he still lives with his parents than it might be harder and he might not have control over what happens to y'all.
Hope this helps!
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Hope this helps!
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