Dating Over 60: Expert Advice, Plus How to Avoid Common Mistakes

Follow these tips to find love later in life

Written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD | Edited by Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: July 15, 2024 References

Almost half of all Americans over the age of 65 are divorced, separated, or widowed and find themselves looking for companionship.^{[1]
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Research source} If that's you, then you've come to the right place! The dating scene might have changed a lot since you were last in it, but we've got all the best tips so you can have a fulfilling experience, including dating apps to try and how to approach a new relationship.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach, Sarah Schewitz, founder of Couples Learn. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Know what type of relationship you're looking for and what type of person you want to find before you hit the dating scene.
Believe that the person you want is out there. There's no need to rush into anything or settle for someone who doesn't fully meet your needs.
Make sure you've healed from past relationships before you start looking for a new person. That way, you know you can be a good partner for them.

1

Know what you want.

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Set clear boundaries rather than trying to keep your options open. A lot of people have a sense that they don't want to limit their possibilities. But at the same time, you're not going to enjoy your time with someone if they're unwilling or unable to meet your needs. You have enough life experience to know what you want out of a partner, so don't be afraid to require that!^{[2]
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- Maybe you want a committed relationship, or maybe you're more interested in just going out and having a good time with a lot of different people. Either way, you want anyone you go out with to be on the same page.
- Narrow things down in terms of lifestyle especially. For example, if you're a really active person, you probably don't want to be with someone who's a homebody.

2

Take your time.

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Have patience and don't compromise. Listen, 60 is the new 40! There's no need to rush, so don't put too much pressure on yourself to meet someone right away. Stay positive and recognize that you deserve to be with someone who will truly meet your needs in a relationship.^{[3]
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- One of the best things about dating as a senior is that you're not under any pressure to meet your person and start a family—you've already done that (if you wanted to)! You have time to get to know people and find your perfect match.^{[4]
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3

Let yourself grieve and heal.

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Process your past losses or trauma before you hit the dating scene. Whether you're grieving the loss of a spouse or a traumatic breakup, it takes time to heal. If you don't allow yourself to grieve, you won't be a good partner for the next person you meet. Remember, it's through the grieving process that you learn and grow as a person.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview}
- As long as you're capable of talking about your former partner without getting upset, you're probably ready to date. Otherwise, you still need time to heal.^{[6]
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4

Ask friends or family to set you up.

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Get introductions from people you know. Some of the best connections come from people who've known you for a while. They know what you like and what you're looking for. If your close circle knows that you're dating, they may know someone they want to hook you up with.^{[7]
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- With a mutual friend, you'll likely feel more confident that you can trust the person, which will make things a lot easier than connecting with a stranger online.

5

Reconnect with people from your past.

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Look up the "one that got away" and see if they're single. Search for people from your past who you once had a connection to—you might discover that sparks start flying again! Either way, you'll have fun socializing and reminiscing with someone you've known for a long time.^{[8]
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- And don't forget about the one that didn't work out before! It's not always the smartest thing to date an ex, but if you were with them decades ago, the two of you are different people now. It's totally possible that you could fall in love again.^{[9]
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  Expert Source
  
  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview}

6

Try dating sites or mobile apps.

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Sign up for free versions so you can choose the best dating app for you. When you write your profile, be very clear about why you're on the app or website and what you're looking for. That helps filter out the people who aren't going to be right for you. Think about your interests, what you enjoy doing, and the type of person you want to do those things with.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- There are many websites and apps that cater specifically to older people, such as SilverSingles or OurTime. Try one of these if you want to filter out people who are much younger than you (or people your age who are trying to date younger).^{[11]
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- Other sites focus on a particular community, such as religion, lifestyle, or ethnicity. Try one of these if you're only interested in people who have a specific background.^{[12]
  X
  Research source} For example, you might prefer Christian Mingle if your Christian faith is the focus of your life.

7

Live your life and be open to opportunities.

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Look for other single people that share your interests. Joining a club or taking a class is a great way to meet and mingle with other people around your age who have similar interests to you. Think about the things you enjoy doing and search for a local group or club where you could potentially meet others.^{[13]
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- For example, if you enjoy gardening, you might join a gardening club. It's possible you'll meet another member who catches your eye.
- If you happen to live in a senior or retirement community, your community likely has many different clubs and groups that you could potentially join.
- While it can seem convenient to search for a partner on a dating app, it can also be draining. It's still possible to meet people out in the real world while you're doing the things you love doing.^{[14]
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  Expert Source
  
  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview}

8

Consider more casual relationships.

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Have fun with people who aren't necessarily marriage material. A lot of people who are out on the dating scene aren't immediately looking for a serious, committed relationship—especially those over 60. Casual dating is a great way to maintain your own independence while still enjoying a little romance and intimacy.^{[15]
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- Starting off in a casual relationship is also a good way to get to know someone on a deeper level before you commit to them.

9

Meet dates in a safe, public place.

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Protect yourself by meeting in public and letting a friend know where you are. It's usually safest to meet up with someone for the first time during the day in a place that's full of people. Make sure a close friend or family member knows where you're going and who you're going to meet up with. Have them call or text about halfway through your date to make sure everything's okay.^{[16]
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- Don't accept a ride home from someone you just met online—make sure you have your own transportation.
- Going out and doing an activity is often a better first date than meeting for coffee. For example, you might grab a coffee and go for a walk around the neighborhood or go to a museum.^{[17]
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  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}

10

Be open and honest with your dates.

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Tell your dates what you're looking for now. If you're ultimately looking for something serious and long-term, don't be afraid to say so. A lot of people worry that they'll scare people off if they say they're looking for something serious. But the people you'll scare off are the ones not looking for that, so they should be scared off! Being honest about your intentions is the only way you're going to find someone who can meet your needs in a relationship.^{[18]
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Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview}
- Don't be afraid to talk about your past relationships. For example, if you were married for 30 years, no one would expect you to just shrug that relationship off and not talk about it anymore.^{[19]
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11

Take it slow when building a relationship.

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Avoid rushing into a serious relationship too quickly. This can be especially hard if you've recently come out of a long-term relationship. There are likely things about having a lifelong companion that you miss, but it takes time to know for sure if someone is right for you. Focus on really getting to know the people you date so you can make the right choice for you.^{[20]
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- Ask your dates open-ended questions to learn more about who they are and what they enjoy. Then ask follow-up questions so you can take the discussion deeper.
- Avoid oversharing or getting too close to someone too quickly. If they turn out not to be the person you thought they were, this can be really heartbreaking. It's better to take things slowly and protect your emotional well-being.
- Reader Poll: We asked 530 wikiHow readers how they addressed insecurities in a relationship, and 70% of them said that it's most helpful to approach with open, honest communication. [Take Poll] As you navigate your relationship and deepen your connection, it's best to be communicative.

12

Look after your sexual health.

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Protect yourself against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If both partners are over 60, you're likely not worried about pregnancy. But you still need to make sure you don't contract an STI. Use condoms when engaging in penetrative sex and get tested regularly if you're sexually active with more than one person.^{[21]
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- While this can be an awkward subject to bring up, have a conversation with anyone you want to get involved with before you get physical.

13

Don't worry about what other people might think.

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Enjoy yourself and live your life to the fullest. You've been around long enough to know what makes you happy, so just go for it! Focus on meeting new people that you can have fun with and let things happen organically. As long as you're being safe and looking after yourself, it's not important what anybody else thinks about what you're doing.^{[22]
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- Don't be afraid to explore and experiment and try new things. You might discover something you love that you never would've thought about before.

14

Safeguard your personal information.

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Never give your personal information to someone you meet on an app. Avoid giving people you meet on dating apps or websites your full name, address, or any other identifying information until you've met them in person. You want to make sure you can trust someone and that they have your best interests at heart and aren't trying to scam you.^{[23]
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- While you do want to be honest about your age, avoid giving anyone your birthdate. They could use that information to steal your identity.
- If a person on an app or dating site asks for personal information, you might say, "I'm not willing to give out those kinds of personal details to someone I haven't met yet. Would you like to meet up for coffee sometime this week?"

15

Watch out for romance scams.

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Trust your gut if something about someone seems fishy. If you start talking to someone and they seem to get really serious right away or ask you for money, they're likely not a legitimate dater. Romance scammers are pros at manipulating people and finding a way into your heart so they can rip you off.^{[24]
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- Dating sites and apps have chat features with a lot of protections that are designed to keep you safe. This is why scammers typically want your phone number after only exchanging a few messages. They're trying to lure you away from those protections—don't fall for it!
- One big clue is if the person says "I love you" before you've met them. Particularly if it's a man, about 99% of the time he's a scammer.^{[25]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- Another thing to look out for is people who want to talk to you or text you for several months without meeting you in person. They likely live in another country or aren't the person they say they are.^{[26]
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  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview}