“Black Cat Boyfriend” Dating Theory Explained

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Figure out if your crush or boyfriend has black cat energy

Co-authored by Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD Reviewed by Candace Gasper

Last Updated: September 30, 2025 Fact Checked

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What is a black cat boyfriend?

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Is my BF a black cat?

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Black Cat & Golden Retriever Compatibility

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Black Cat BF & Golden Retriever GF Couples

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Dating a Black Cat Boyfriend

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Step aside, golden retriever boyfriends— there’s a new animal in town, and he purrs. The term “black cat boyfriend” has been making the rounds on social media, unlocking a new boyfriend personality type, opposite from the golden retriever boyfriend. But what exactly constitutes a black cat boyfriend? Whether you’re trying to figure out if your current beau is a black cat or you’re single and on the prowl for a black cat boyfriend, keep reading for an in-depth guide to the trending TikTok term. Plus, check out our tips for making it work with a black cat boyfriend when you're a golden retriever!

“Black Cat Boyfriend” Meaning

The TikTok term "Black cat boyfriend" describes a brooding, reserved, and emotionally complex partner. With similar qualities to those of a black cat, this type is the opposite of the golden retriever boyfriend, who is friendly and bubbly. Popular examples include Jess from Gilmore Girls and Carmy from The Bear.

Section 1 of 5:

What is a black cat boyfriend?

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A black cat boyfriend is a brooding, mysterious, silent type. Black cat boyfriends are described as being introverted, nonchalant, and emotionally complex, standing opposite to the golden retriever boyfriend, who is bubbly, friendly, and high energy. Black cat boyfriends are believed to emit the same energy as the felines they are named after: dark, brooding, and hard to win over. Once you lock in a black cat boyfriend’s affections, though, they are very protective, loyal, and vulnerable. In fact, it’s the small glimpses of vulnerability black cat boyfriends offer that tend to attract people to them.^{[1]
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- Black cat types may seem cool and detached on the surface but are usually full of deep and complicated feelings just waiting to be let out.
- Black cat boyfriends are not big on grand romantic gestures, but they’ll let you know how much they care in other ways, like writing you a song or making you a delicious meal.
- Some popular portrayals of black cat boyfriends in media include Jess Mariano in Gilmore Girls, played by Milo Ventimiglia, Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl, played by Ed Westwick, Felix in Too Much, played by Will Sharpe, and Carmy in The Bear, played by Jeremy Allen White.
- Can a woman be a black cat? Totally! Popular celebrity couples with this dynamic include Zendaya (black cat) and Tom Holland (golden retriever), Rihanna (black cat) and A$AP Rocky (golden retriever), and Meghan Markle (black cat) and Prince Harry (golden retriever).

Section 2 of 5:

Is my BF a black cat or a golden retriever?

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Your BF may be a black cat if he is individualistic, reserved, and complex. Just like the fascinating feline he’s named after, a black cat boyfriend enjoys time alone, using it to decompress, contemplate life, and recharge his social batteries. He might have a creative or handy hobby that he enjoys devoting hours to. He likely prefers staying in with a good book over a night out on the town, and he keeps his true thoughts and feelings close to the vest— until you get to know him, that is.^{[2]
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- Once he trusts you and you’ve fully unlocked personality privileges, you’ll find that your black cat boyfriend is loyal, vulnerable, and caring.
- Black cat boyfriends often offer an unmatched sense of protection and security in your relationship.
- For black cat boyfriends, their affection is earned, not freely given, marking a major difference between black cat BFs and golden retriever BFs.
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He may be a golden retriever if he’s friendly, energetic, and eager to please. Golden retriever boyfriends have big puppy energy, meaning they’re very openly affectionate, warm, and enthusiastic about almost everything. They’re expressive, charismatic, and generally joyful, requiring little alone time as they thrive off social interactions. In love, a golden retriever boyfriend will be devoted, consistent, and eager to please. You’ll never have to wonder how they feel about you because they’ll tell you, and more importantly, they’ll show you.^{[3]
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- Golden retriever boyfriends are typically emotionally stable and optimistic, opting to find the bright side to everything.
- Golden retriever BFs are goofy, chatty, and enjoy PDA, differentiating them from their more private black cat counterparts.
- Still not sure if your boyfriend is a black cat or a golden retriever? Take our quiz to find out for sure!

Section 3 of 5:

Black Cat Boyfriend & Golden Retriever Girlfriend Compatibility

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This pairing can be successful for many reasons. The golden retriever girlfriend may be intrigued by the black cat boyfriend’s aloof and mildly troubled nature, enticed by the thrill of the (cat and mouse) chase. Black cat types don’t hand out their love and affection easily, so the cheerful and friendly golden retriever girl may enjoy getting closer to her black cat crush, even if it's a challenge. And it's worth it: a black cat boyfriend can show a golden retriever girlfriend loyalty, devotion, and protection like she has never known.^{[4]
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The golden retriever GF is a bold and confident social butterfly, while her black cat counterpart is more reserved, moody, and keen to stay in on Friday nights. Additionally, the golden retriever’s optimistic nature may sometimes feel eclipsed by the black cat’s contemplative and gloomy moods. However, as long as these two can compromise, strike a balance that suits them both, and allow one another to thrive independently, there’s no reason this complementary couple can’t go the distance.^{[5]
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Famous Examples of Black Cat Boyfriend and Golden Retriever Girlfriend Couples

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James Blake (black cat) and Jameela Jamil (golden retriever) The Grammy-winning singer and The Good Place star have been an item since 2015. His soulful lyrics reveal a deep, brooding, and emotionally complex mind, while her bold and outgoing online persona balances out their unique black cat-golden retriever dynamic. Tale as old as time!^{[6]
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Ryan Reynolds (black cat) and Blake Lively (golden retriever) This couple’s aesthetic alone reflects their golden retriever-black cat energy. Blake Lively’s golden locks and permanent smile offer a stark contrast to Ryan Reynolds’ dark hair and snarky expression. But somehow, the marriage of these opposing personalities has worked wonderfully for them! The duo have been happily married for 12 years and have 3 kids, each half golden retriever and half black cat— the best of both worlds!^{[7]
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Nick Offerman (black cat) and Megan Mullally (golden retriever) This pair has been lighting up our screens for decades, and they themselves have been married for 22 years. Offerman is known for historically playing serious and discerning characters who dabble in dry humor, while Mullaley’s loud and vibrant personality has captivated fans since Will & Grace. Clearly, this black cat-golden retriever dynamic has been working marvelously for them!^{[8]
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Liam Neeson (black cat) and Pamela Anderson (golden retriever) Although this couple is fairly new and only rumored, the black cat-golden retriever dynamic is potentially a part of what drew them to one another. Anderson’s candid, humorous, and often flirtatious mannerisms, coupled with Neeson’s quiet and stoic Irish demeanor, make for a textbook case of opposites attracting. Who says you can’t find the perfect black cat for your golden retriever later in life?^{[9]
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Section 5 of 5:

Dating a Black Cat Boyfriend

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Be patient with him. It'll likely take your black cat boyfriend a little while to open up to you, if he hasn't yet. So if you're still in the extending-your-hand-from-afar-and-going-psst psst psst psst stage, don't worry: once he feels safe enough, he'll come closer...and probably never leave your side.
- If you're in the early stages of your relationship, you might find your black cat hard to pin down. There's no harm in initiating plans, but realize he may need to move slow at first.
- Just try not to put too much pressure on him, and he's sure to come to you in his own time.
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Give him plenty of space. The poet Rainer Maria Rilke said real love was about "[standing] guard over the solitude of [each] other," and never was that more true than with a black cat boyfriend.^{[10]
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Research source} Even once you and your black cat are committed, he'll need regular quiet time to reflect and recharge. Black cats tend to be very introverted and need lots of solitude—from other people, definitely, but even from you, now and then.
- If he's not up for a spontaneous night out, don't pressure him to rally, and try not to take it personally if you want to hang out more often than he does. It doesn't mean he doesn't adore you: regular solitude is a black cat's self-care!
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Communicate your expectations clearly. A black cat boyfriend needs a lot of solo time and might not be as effusive with his affections as a golden retriever boyfriend. He'll tend to show his love for you in other ways, but if you find yourself wishing for more overt displays of affection and more quality time, you may need to tell him that. Remember, his needs are important, but so are yours!
- Your black cat boyfriend may not be naturally inclined to show his love with PDA or grand gestures, but if you tell him you need a little more affection sometimes, he'll surely want to provide.
- Better yet, when he does lavish you with attention, make sure he knows how much you appreciate it, so he'll feel encouraged to do it regularly: try "I love when you spontaneously hug me like that!" or "I feel really close to you when we have coffee in bed in the morning."
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Plan activities that satisfy both of your needs. As a golden retriever, your social needs probably differ from your black cat bf's. Every relationship involves compromise, and this one is no different! Don't be afraid to bend when planning dates so you're both getting what you need and want out of your time together.
- For instance, as a golden retriever, you might enjoy a gathering with lots of people; your black cat, on the other hand, might prefer to hang out one-on-one.
- A compromise might be going to a fun bar or restaurant where there are people all around, but you don't need to socialize with anyone but one another.