How to Be a Good Date

Co-authored by Maria Avgitidis and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 7, 2024 References

Finding someone you like and asking them out is hard enough, but getting ready for the date can be even more nerve wracking. Worrying about what to say or how to act is totally normal, even if it feels like you’ve overthinking it. With these tips and tricks, you can focus on getting to know your date better instead of stressing about the little things (and remember: your date is probably super nervous too!).

1

Nail the first impression by looking your best.

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When you look good, you feel good, too. Pick out your favorite outfit, wash your face, and brush your hair. If you like makeup, you can wear it—if not, that’s fine too!^{[1]
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- What you wear depends a lot on what you’re doing on your date. For example, if you’re going mini golfing, jeans and a T-shirt are probably fine. If you’re going to a fancy restaurant, you might want to wear slacks or a skirt and a button-down.

2

Get to the date on time.

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Make a good first impression right from the start. Head out early so you get to the venue 10 to 15 minutes before your date does. If you’re going to be a little late, shoot your date a text so they know to hang tight.^{[2]
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- If you’re going somewhere you’ve never been before, look it up on a map ahead of time so you know when you need to leave.

3

Introduce yourself with a smile.

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Give your date a quick hug or handshake to open up. Your greeting has the potential to make or break your date, so start yourself out on the right foot. If you don’t know each other, shake their hand and tell them your name. If you do know each other, give your date a quick hug and a warm hello.^{[3]
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- If you’re feeling nervous (or if your date seems nervous), try dispelling the tension with a quick joke. Something like, “Do you like my outfit? I changed 3 times!” will break the ice so you two can have fun the rest of your date.

4

Let your true personality shine.

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Dating is all about getting to know each other. As you chat with your date and hang out, make sure you’re not putting on a front for them. Show off your true personality so your date gets a sense of who you are, and don’t be afraid to get a little silly or weird!^{[4]
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- While being yourself is great, try not to be overly negative. Complaining too much on the first date, whether it’s about the traffic, your family, or singlehood, could put your date off.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Make building an emotional connection the main goal of your date. Fun activities and stimulating conversation are the name of the game as you get to know each other. While you're at it, practice active listening to show that you care about what your date has to say.

5

Show off your manners.

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Being polite is a great way to show your date that you’re a good person. Not only should you use your manners with your date, try to be polite and courteous to anyone around you, like waiters, restaurant hosts, or valets. Show off your charming personality by saying please and thank you so your date knows that you’re a nice person.^{[5]
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- This tip might sound like a no brainer, but you’d be surprised—some people like to show off how macho they are on dates by acting rude or aloof (and it usually doesn’t land them a second one).

6

Ask your date questions.

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Get a fun conversation going to learn more about your date. Try asking open-ended questions so they can talk about themselves for a few minutes. If they’re a good date, they’ll ask you some questions, too! Try things like:^{[6]
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- “What do you do for work?”
- “What’s your favorite place to travel?”
- “Do you like your job?”
- “How long have you lived in the area?”

7

Get into a deep conversation.

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Once you move past the small talk, try to really get to know your date. Ask them about their family, their past, or even the meaning of life to really form a connection. You could even ask them something silly, like if they believe in aliens or Bigfoot! Try conversation topics like:^{[7]
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- “Have you ever seen a UFO?”
- “Did you like growing up in a small town?”
- “What’s a memory from your childhood that makes you smile?”

8

Listen attentively as your date talks.

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Try to avoid distractions so you can really engage with your date. Put down your phone and look the other person in the eyes as they talk. To show you’re really listening, nod your head and ask follow-up questions.^{[8]
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- Being on your phone all the time is super off-putting. Try to keep it in your pocket or your purse, and only take it out to check the time or send a quick text once or twice.

9

Tell your date about yourself, too.

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Asking too many questions can feel like an interview. As you and your date talk, try switching between asking and answering questions so it feels nice and natural. Avoid pre-planned jokes or one-liners, since they can feel a little stiff.^{[9]
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- If you think you’re talking about yourself too much, say "Enough about me, let's talk about you!"

10

Stay away from controversial topics.

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Keep your date conversation light and fun. Try not to bring up politics, religion, or anything that might spark a debate between you and your date. If you two like each other, there will be plenty of time to talk about that stuff later.^{[10]
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- If it comes up naturally, feel free to give your opinions—but keep them civil, and try not to argue back and forth.

11

Avoid talking about your ex.

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This can be a heavy topic for a first date. Even if you only have nice things to say about your ex-partner, your date probably doesn’t want to hear them just yet. Save the past relationships chat for when you two know each other a little better.^{[11]
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- Many people see bringing up an ex too much as a red flag, and for good reason: if you constantly talk about your ex on a date, there’s a good chance you aren’t over them yet.

12

Offer to split the bill.

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It’s a nice gesture that will mean a lot to your date. If you want to, you can offer to pay it in full; if not, suggest going 50/50. It will keep things light and casual so no one feels pressured to spend a ton of money.^{[12]
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- There’s some controversy surrounding who should pay on the first date (some people think whoever initiated the date should pay, while others like the more traditional role of the man paying). Realistically, there’s no right or wrong way to go about this, so do whatever feels comfortable to you.
- If you’re on a budget and don’t want things to get awkward if your date doesn’t pay for you, consider doing something casual like going to a coffee shop or smoothie bar.
- Reader Poll: We asked 609 wikiHow readers who've had successful first dates, and 63% of them agreed that the best cheap, casual option is a coffee shop. [Take Poll]

13

Ask for another date if you like them.

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If you had a good time, there’s no reason to be coy! Ask your date if they’re free again next week so you two can hang out. Or, shoot them a text after your date to see if they’re interested in seeing you again.^{[13]
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- If you are interested, asking for another date will let the other person know that you like them. That way, they can choose whether or not they want to continue the relationship.

Have the Perfect First Date with this Expert Series

First dates can be intimidating. Skip the stress and plan the perfect first date with these expert articles.

Be Calm on a First Date

4

Succeed on a First Date

5

Be Safe on a First Date

6

Impress Your Date

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Question

How do I get better at first dates?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

If you're using an online dating site, use a current profile photo. Your meet-up will be off to a bad start if you don't look like your photo. Before the date, relax and get in the right mindset. If you're going on a date after work, stop by a coffee shop for tea or talk to a friend before you go. You need to get in the right head-space and out of work-mode. Also, wear date clothes and look the part. Wear nice clothes, style your hair, and make sure you're comfortable. Put effort into your first impression and show your date that you're invested enough to look your best.

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