How to Be Nice to a Girl Without Flirting

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 28, 2025

When you’re a friendly person, you can sometimes come across as flirtatious, even if you don’t mean to be. Thankfully, there are ways you can focus on being friendly without giving off flirty vibes, even subconsciously. Keep reading to learn how you can be friendly toward a girl without giving her the wrong impression.

1

Be chivalrous to everyone.

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If you hold the door for her, hold the door for someone else, too. It’s fine to be a chivalrous person, but try to show her that you’re just that way in general. If she sees you being chivalrous to everyone, she won’t automatically assume you’re doing it to flirt with her.^{[1]
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- If you pull out her chair at a restaurant, pull out your other friend’s chair, too.

2

Compliment her in a neutral tone.

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Being teasing or playful often comes across as flirtatious. If you want to give her a compliment, say it like you would to one of your buddies. Keep your tone flat, and just say something quick and casual.
- For instance, you might say, “Good job on that presentation earlier.”
- Or, “I really liked that joke you told at dinner earlier.”

3

Text her back right away.

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If you liked her, you’d probably wait a bit to show you’re not too eager. Although this can seem counterintuitive, texting her back right away lets her know that you’re not playing hard to get (and therefore, you aren’t flirting with her). It’s subtle, but it can actually make a difference in your interactions.^{[2]
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- It’s fine if you accidentally miss a text and don’t respond for a while. In general, though, try to respond to her quickly.

4

Set her up with a friend.

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Tell her all about your buddy who would be a perfect match for her. She’ll get the message that while you’re not interested, someone else might be. Plus, this is a great way to pair up two of your single friends!^{[3]
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- Say something like, “You know who you would really get along with? My friend, Seth. Let me give you his number so you two can hang out sometime.”

5

Keep your hang outs casual.

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Don’t go out to a 5-star restaurant. Instead, meet up at a dive bar or a diner near your house. She’ll get the message that this is a platonic hangout and not a date.
- Even if you’re celebrating something special, don’t go anywhere you have to dress up unless you’re in a big group of friends.

6

Invite her to group hangs.

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If you and your friends go out, invite her along. Introduce her to the group so she can bop around and chat with everyone. Better yet, tell her to invite a friend along too so she really gets the message that this isn’t romantic.^{[4]
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- You could say something like, “Hey! Me and the boys were gonna get together tonight to watch the game. You wanna come over? Bring a friend if you want!”

7

Don’t compliment parts of her body.

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Pointing out her body is very flirtatious. Even if you notice that she looks good that day, don’t draw attention to it. Stick to neutral compliments about her personality so she doesn’t get the wrong idea.^{[5]
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- If you really want to point something out, stick to something she’s wearing, like her shoes or a necklace. Stay away from anything that clings to her body, like a tight top or a short skirt.
- For instance, you might say, “You’re so generous. You’re such a good friend to have.”

8

Change the topic if sexual subjects come up.

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Sometimes friends like to talk about their latest hookups. While it’s fine to do every once in a while, it could send the wrong message to her. If she brings up how good she is at kissing or what she did last night (wink), go ahead and change the topic.^{[6]
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- For instance, if she says something like, “All my previous boyfriends have said I’m a great kisser,” you might brush it off with a joke, like, “Well, my girlfriend says I give really great hugs, so I think I win.”

9

Keep your distance from her.

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Try not to lean in close or touch her on the arm. Breaking the physical touch barrier is often seen as a clear sign that someone is flirting. When you two hang out, keep your hands to yourself so she doesn’t get the wrong message.^{[7]
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- If you’re hugging her hello or goodbye, keep the interaction short, and try not to linger.

10

Don’t give out your contact info.

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If you meet a girl while you’re out, she might ask for your number. Try not to give it to her, since that can send the wrong message. If you do want to keep chatting with her but you don’t want it to be flirtatious, give her your social media handle instead. It’s a little less personal, and she might get the hint that you aren’t into her.^{[8]
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- You could also give her your email address.

11

Talk about your partner.

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Let her know that you’re in a happy relationship. If you have a partner, tell your friend all about them and how well you two are doing. She’ll hopefully get the message that you aren’t trying to flirt with her since you’re in a relationship.^{[9]
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- Unfortunately, some people don’t see a relationship as a barrier to flirting. Use this method in conjunction with other things to get the message across.